Child wants to change name

[time2changeCharlieBrown]

My son is 7 and wants to change his name! Forename
hes one of two in the same class and to make matters complicated they have the same surname too! Surname is quite common but fore name is not the most popular but still relatively well known just not in any top 50 names
let’s say he’s Charlie Brown
they call them Charlie B and Charlie Brown but often they gat the same Charlie Brown it is confusing and often get items lists clubs etc mixed up
for example I’ll go collect him to find out he’s been sent to after school club even though he’s not signed up!
also I’ve received pictures and letters of the other Charlie Brown
there’s also other Charlie’s in the school

the other Charlie is also quite misbehaved and often into trouble
he broke a window and every one was talking about it, kids and parents and we had to keep on correcting
it also caused issues at beavers and cubs when signing him up as the other one is older and they said he has a space I had to point out the dob was different the child is different!

my son is now asking to be called Benjamin (the name we almost chose for him)
and he says Ben for short he knows no other Ben despite it being popular name.
he says it’s embarrassing when everyone looks at him in assembly or class especially when they are shouting Charlie Brown sit down be quiet and telling him off!

my son is quiet and reserved.

im kicking myself for not giving him a middle name on the birth certificate and we nearly used Benjamin, wish I’d have used Benjamin Charlie but alas too late! Shame certificate cannot be changed. As then he could have a choice of his name to choose. It seems wrong to change it if it can’t be officially changed.

my husband said no to change and he can be good Charlie other is naughty charlie

ive said I’m not sure as don’t see the point in changing it by deed poll as it seems pointless and complicated
but if we could change the birth certificate I probably would to Benjamin Charlie as he wants

so Aibu or (we my husband and I)
to say no to our 7 year old name change request??

(obviously names have been changed)

Go for it - just ask school to make him "known as". I know loads of people who use a different name to the one they were christened with, and it's so common now, particularly with trans students at school. Make a decision about all formal stuff like bank accounts and exam certificates and stick with that officially. I am known by my middle name but always use my first name for official purposes.

Why would anyone do that? How lazy of the staff of the school not to learn to pronounce the childrens names. Those children have lost so much already and now you have stolen their names from them.

Yes it is definitely the staff's fault. Definitely the staff who demanded the child pick a suitably English name. Definitely the staff who are just too darn lazy. That sounds exactly like the most likely scenario...🙄

Well what other reason would you give for schools deciding to change childrens names? Would they also change names for a child of Irish or Welsh heritage, or would they make the effort to pronounce them properly?

I have taught children from many different cultures, at one time we had over 40 mother tongues in our school, but we didn’t need to change children’s names to English names because we made the effort to learn how their given and family names were pronounced.

I think having two variants of your name if you have a non-English name is actually quite common (not for every country, but definitely for some).

In Hong Kong it's very common for children to choose an English name to use in their English lessons. If they move over here later, a lot of them then use that name because it's the one they use when speaking English.

And a relative of mine shortens her name with an "ie" when she's writing in her mother tongue but a "y" in English (like Lillie and Lilly) because she thinks it's looks more British. I also know someone who switches between e.g. Veronika and Veronica.

Its the children's choice - why would you force them to use a name they are uncomfortable with here when they want to choose an alternative

I was brought up with 3 languages and have a totally different name in each - they sound nothing like each other but have the same meaning

But who is making them uncomfortable using their given name?

Who says anyone is? They have a free choice and have chosen to use it

We’ve had kids ‘known as…’ all kinds of things, generally silly nicknames that faded out as they got older. Tom known as ‘bean’, Arabella known as ‘posey’ etc. but we also have kids who are known by their initials - james peter known as ‘Jo’ etc etc.

id add a middle name by deadpoll and go by that. It’s hard to understand how upsetting and annoying it is for children to have the same name and be mistaken continually.

Depends on the age of the child and how the “choice” was presented to them.

The child is uncomfortable having the same first and second name as another child.

If he had a middle name the obvious answer would for them to be known as Charlie Ben and Charlie middlename.

Long term I don't think would cause any issues for him to have a middle name

I once worked somewhere with two Charlie Brown's and a Craig Brown, middle initials & job titles were very important.

Lots of children have a known by name. I didn't know my Grandma had a different first name for years. She was known as her middle name not her first name. I would do whatever you and your son feel comfortable with. Children adjust to change quickly so I wouldn't worry about the other children.

I am not discussing the OPs dilemma, I am discussing the post where Ukrainian children in an English school are apparently being encouraged to change their perfectly fine Ukrainian names for “English” names.

I had this same experience in secondary school.

I was one of two. *Amy Smith

I don’t have a middle name but the other Amy did. So I was “Amy Smith” and the other was “Amy J Smith”. The school were shit, got our exam results mixed up, had our personal details mixed up I.e my address but the other Amy’s mums phone number as emergency contact.

The other Amy was a total bitch too. So I felt really embarrassed to share a name with her. Totally get where you son is coming from, poor lad. I never changed my name. The other Amy is married
now so I feel like I no longer share an identity.

Probably came from them, these things generally do - they see others do it ,and want to do it themselves - I've known literally hundreds of people do this, I have never known it other than self initiated, and I have known thousands who don't do it

I think you are making a big deal out of a completely normal happy practice that many people choose to do, including me

As I have already said multiple times, it was the children’s choice to do this. They wanted, and chose, a name that fits them. As one boy said, he wanted to get rid of the Russian connotations of his name. Of course if they wanted to keep their given name then we would learn it. We do with several Chinese students. But again - it’s their choice.

This is one of the reasons that I insisted that my child have a middle name. I agree with previous posters that adding a middle name is the best route to go.

I was one of six girls with the same first name in high school and it was incredibly annoying. Luckily we all had very different surnames.

Years later at work I ended up working quite closely with someone with the same last name and a similar first name. Think something like Jane Smith and Jenny Smith. I would frequently get her post (just addressed to J Smith), people would email the wrong person because we have similar jobs, there were problems with IT systems which just use the first initial and surname for usernames, one colleague frequently greets me by her name instead of mine, etc. Thankfully she recently married and changed her name ( I kept mine when I married), so it’s improving!

Haven't read the whole thread but could you add on a name to make it double barrelled. Like Charlie - Ben, don't make it official just known as and then drop the Ben when he wants to?
No way would I change it by deed poll at age 7, but I would give him a few alternatives

I think fine to let him use Ben at school. I wouldn't officially change it though

The poster very clearly explained it was the children's choice. Presumably it was they and their parents who decided. I didn't read it as having anything to do with school staff at all.

Aww Op that's really sweet that he wants the name. What a wee sweetheart.

I'd let him take it as a middle name Charlie Ben for a bit, see how he gets on the Charlie might get dropped completely, or he might stick with his double barrelled name.

And it's certainly far better for him to be double barrelled than for him and the other Charlie to become A/B, 1/2, Big / Small.
They have the rest of primary to go and while secondary might be bigger the issue isn't going to go away.

Thanks so much everyone some interesting and helpful points and information on this thanks again