Child wants to change name

[time2changeCharlieBrown]

My son is 7 and wants to change his name! Forename
hes one of two in the same class and to make matters complicated they have the same surname too! Surname is quite common but fore name is not the most popular but still relatively well known just not in any top 50 names
let’s say he’s Charlie Brown
they call them Charlie B and Charlie Brown but often they gat the same Charlie Brown it is confusing and often get items lists clubs etc mixed up
for example I’ll go collect him to find out he’s been sent to after school club even though he’s not signed up!
also I’ve received pictures and letters of the other Charlie Brown
there’s also other Charlie’s in the school

the other Charlie is also quite misbehaved and often into trouble
he broke a window and every one was talking about it, kids and parents and we had to keep on correcting
it also caused issues at beavers and cubs when signing him up as the other one is older and they said he has a space I had to point out the dob was different the child is different!

my son is now asking to be called Benjamin (the name we almost chose for him)
and he says Ben for short he knows no other Ben despite it being popular name.
he says it’s embarrassing when everyone looks at him in assembly or class especially when they are shouting Charlie Brown sit down be quiet and telling him off!

my son is quiet and reserved.

im kicking myself for not giving him a middle name on the birth certificate and we nearly used Benjamin, wish I’d have used Benjamin Charlie but alas too late! Shame certificate cannot be changed. As then he could have a choice of his name to choose. It seems wrong to change it if it can’t be officially changed.

my husband said no to change and he can be good Charlie other is naughty charlie

ive said I’m not sure as don’t see the point in changing it by deed poll as it seems pointless and complicated
but if we could change the birth certificate I probably would to Benjamin Charlie as he wants

so Aibu or (we my husband and I)
to say no to our 7 year old name change request??

(obviously names have been changed)

Two kids at my children's primary did this. Two different scenarios.

One was known as an abbreviated version of their name and wanted to be called the longer 'full' name.

One wanted to be known as their middle name.

It absolutely worked. Took a little while to bed in- but was fine. Both lovely names 😊

Primary headteacher here

It’s really not that uncommon for a child to have a “preferred” name which isn’t their legal one. As someone else mentioned, often this is because the child’s name is an ‘non-English’ one and they choose to go by either an anglicised version or something completely different. It certainly doesn’t need to be a legal change.

it really wouldn’t be that confusing for anyone. Children would probably accept the change quicker than adults. Of course you’ll have to explain it to family members etc if he wants to be Ben all the time but so what? You’ll have a few weeks of telling people and then it will be done.

Talk it through fully with him. Maybe try out Ben at home, with grandparents if they are around and supportive or with family friends, as an experiment to try and see if he’s really comfortable with it. The circumstances for a change to a different name are unusual but if he’s sure that’s what he wants I’d let him do it

We had a girl at school who decided she didn't like her very unusual name and wanted to be known as Emma instead. She never changed her name officially she just became known as Emma , even in the register. Could he not just do that too?

I sympathise as my DD had a girl at primary school with same first and surname and it caused endless confusion.

We once had a meeting with the head teacher to discuss getting her extra support for her then undiagnosed SEN and it became apparent after the meeting that the Head teacher had thought we were the other girl's parents. We had wondered why the headteacher was playing down DD's academic struggles and treating us like we were worrying unnecessarily.

It's not a big hassle to change a name by deed poll though so not sure why you say it is. You can write your own up on a word document, send it off with his passport for example.

Once you have the first official document back it's easy to change bank account, school etc

Personally I would change his name to Benjamin Charlie surname. Then he has choices as to which name he uses always.

I use my middle name, DS is a 'known as' (which is a shortened version of his full name)

I would speak to school also though in the first instance as to why they cannot get things correct !

I'm astounded at the amount of people including teachers of all people who seem to be against teaching resilience in a primary aged child. What happens when he's an adult and finds himself in situations he finds irritating and cannot control? No doubt his future partner will probably be on here telling us all about it anyway..

One of mine went by a ‘likes to be known as’ name throughout school and college. It was a nickname that stuck. Not connected to her real name (think an Emily known as Bobby). Changing by deed poll was never a thought.

Aibu. Is he going to change his name every time he meets someone with the same name? Teaching him to be a push over more like...

I have a very common name. I own it.

It's not a big hassle to change a name by deed poll though so not sure why you say it is. You can write your own up on a word document, send it off with his passport for example.

It's not difficult to do, but it will have an impact throughout the child's life. Why would you want all the extra hassle and paperwork, when the other child could move tomorrow?

As pp have said, school should be better at dealing with this. It’s not that uncommon and the schools I’ve taught in have always managed to deal with it by adding an initial or something and checking that we have the right child before sending them to after school club or whatever. Surely that’s a safeguarding issue, if your child was sent to the club, where was the other child?

It could be worse op - my brother had a friend at school who had the same name as another girl in their year group. The other girl got pregnant in Y10 so you can imagine what she had to deal with.

Really? That’s very sad.

There is a child in my DS1s class that has something similar.

OP- you have no idea if the other Charlie Brown will be staying at the school at all. I'd think of something very temporary (initials as said upthread) rather than anything permanent.

or thinking about it- DH is in a friendship group with two members with exactly the same name. So they are known as 'Rowing Charlie Brown' and 'Football Charlie Brown'.

It was their choice. As one of them said, his real name sounds too Russian. The whole situation is sad but we are happy to do anything to make them feel part of our community.

It's easy for school to have a "known as" or "preferred name" on the register

His birth certificate name would still be on the system, but he would be able to have this alternative name instead

Lots of kids do it, it's not unusual at all. I think people are being quite mean saying it's not teaching him resilience - he's only 7, he's being confused with a naughty child, it's affecting his self esteem.

At 7? No. You don't just get to change your name because there's someone in the class called the same. They need to distinguish. I'm sure you sons name can be shortened or lengthened? Or nickname?

All young children want to change something or other, that's part of being a child. Part of being a parent is knowing what a serious issue and what not.

Is there another diminutive version? Something like Chas.

Thank you for this

Thank you

Use his initials - so Charlie Brown would be CB.

Is it single form entry? When we draw our class lists we actually take into consideration if there are any kids with the same name. Though one year I had three Alfies Bs in my class.

Just do it. Call him Ben, tell the school he prefers to be called Ben. If it sticks then you can think about an official change.

It's not such a big thing. We found when our DC started secondary a few children in each year wanted to go by a different name (often a non binary name) and it didn't cause a problem. And a couple of children wanted to change surname to distance themselves from absent dads.

What??

They'll get used to it in five minutes.

I'd definitely let him change it informally at home and school.

It's one common human response to moving countries and would be very unkind to prevent it.

The key is the child is in control, not being forced one way or another.

Can you nickname the surname, for example he can be known as ‘browny’ and the other kid is still ‘Charlie’. At secondary school at least half the boys were known by their surname and my husband, dad and brother are all still called by their surname from their friends.

There's three children with the same first name in my child's class - two have the same surname too! So the children are called by first name surname; first name middle name; first name middle name. Can't yours do this - does the other boy have a middle name? So he becomes Charlie middle name and yours remains Charlie B?

The school aren't dealing with it well at all if he is often confused about whether he's being referred to. You need to talk to school urgently.

And your DH talking about good and naughty Charlie, I've not read anything so chavvy, how ridiculous. These are 7 year olds.

I was your son. My birth name was a very traditional name, not this but very similar to say Louisa Stone and then there was another girl in my year with a very, very, similar name called for example Louisa Stones.

Same issue for me. I was bookish and quiet and top of my class, and she was the school hellion.

I would often be the victim of mixups, I did several of her detentions because teachers who didn’t know us insisted I was her. (Also wasn’t like I was going to use the credit of a detention that wasn’t mine, I was a straight A student that ended up being head firm). I ended up using a nick name to try and differentiate us, ie ‘Lou’ but I hated it.

As soon as I went to university I changed my name because I couldn’t get people to call me Louisa again (it upset my mother greatly I changed it).

My new name is actually tied to my heritage and very rare and I love it. It feels more ‘me’ too. Don’t discount how he is feeling, I understand why my mother was upset now I have my own daughter, a lot of thought goes into choosing a name, but it would have been lovely to change it without all the guilt trips.

I’ve given my daughter a name tied to my heritage as well, my granny’s name so it has a context, but it’s very rare and I’m hoping she grows up to love it. It also has a plainer diminutive if she wanted something less jazzy so she has choice.