Child wants to change name

[time2changeCharlieBrown]

My son is 7 and wants to change his name! Forename
hes one of two in the same class and to make matters complicated they have the same surname too! Surname is quite common but fore name is not the most popular but still relatively well known just not in any top 50 names
let’s say he’s Charlie Brown
they call them Charlie B and Charlie Brown but often they gat the same Charlie Brown it is confusing and often get items lists clubs etc mixed up
for example I’ll go collect him to find out he’s been sent to after school club even though he’s not signed up!
also I’ve received pictures and letters of the other Charlie Brown
there’s also other Charlie’s in the school

the other Charlie is also quite misbehaved and often into trouble
he broke a window and every one was talking about it, kids and parents and we had to keep on correcting
it also caused issues at beavers and cubs when signing him up as the other one is older and they said he has a space I had to point out the dob was different the child is different!

my son is now asking to be called Benjamin (the name we almost chose for him)
and he says Ben for short he knows no other Ben despite it being popular name.
he says it’s embarrassing when everyone looks at him in assembly or class especially when they are shouting Charlie Brown sit down be quiet and telling him off!

my son is quiet and reserved.

im kicking myself for not giving him a middle name on the birth certificate and we nearly used Benjamin, wish I’d have used Benjamin Charlie but alas too late! Shame certificate cannot be changed. As then he could have a choice of his name to choose. It seems wrong to change it if it can’t be officially changed.

my husband said no to change and he can be good Charlie other is naughty charlie

ive said I’m not sure as don’t see the point in changing it by deed poll as it seems pointless and complicated
but if we could change the birth certificate I probably would to Benjamin Charlie as he wants

so Aibu or (we my husband and I)
to say no to our 7 year old name change request??

(obviously names have been changed)

I'd have no problem changing it by deed poll. Add Benjamin as a middle name. Surprised by people who say it will impact him for the rest of his life.. it's not like he has a mortgage under his name or something.
I changed my name by deed poll myself. It's £10, a new passport and Bob's your uncle. Hardly a hardship. He'll probably do it anyway later. He already built up resentment towards his name so the other child moving on won't make much of a difference.

*head girl not head firm 🫠 Autocorrect foils me again.

When I was in 6th form a new girl joined who had the same last name as me and a very similar first name. I was glad she hadn't been there for my first five years as well.

As a primary teacher, I understand your son's concern. This is impacting him every day at school. I would come up with an alternative name if it's very important to him. Everyone will get used to it. I've had pupils where we used their official first name for ages before someone told us that they were always known as something else. We had a lot of children who were Mohammed something and their preferred name was usually the perceived middle name.

Could he ask to be known by his initials ie CB? If he loves the name Ben and would like to be called that anyway for the rest of his life then it shouldn't be a problem. If he's just doing it as a reaction to bad Charlie which might be a short term thing then maybe find a solution which is easier to reverse.

It is a small school single entry

Agree you and your DH are being U. Let him be known as Ben for a while, then unless he hates it and changes his mind change his name by deed poll to include Ben as his middle name- then he can change back in later life if he wants to.

Thank you that’s really helpful and good to know!! I’m definitely getting some good feedback on this post

Would it not be easier just to ask if he could move class?

If it’s any consolation. My child’s teacher gets her mixed up with another child and consistently calls her let’s say ‘Ophelia’. The teacher thinks they look alike and cannot tell them apart. (They don’t look alike. We are also a different ethnicity to this child - so I feel it should be easy to make the distinction between the two).

the teacher gave me a 20 minute long parents evening about how naughty my child was. I was baffled. My child is quiet and well behaved bordering on shy.

the penny dropped and the teacher realised she had been reporting on a different child (Ophelia). It’s really annoying as Ophelia is very naughty and she will shout my child’s name to correct Ophelia.

it had crossed my mind that it’s strange she connected the ethnic name with the naughty child and now cannot separate the two things. She calls my well behaved child the English name. For some reason that is never lost on me.

If his name is short can you lengthen it? So for example his name is Joe, you call him Joseph. His name is Sam, you call him Samuel etc? If that wouldn't work I'd tell school to call him a 'preferred' name, and maybe decide if you want to formalise this at a later date (eg secondary school)

I don’t see why you wouldn’t just let him change his name. Charlie is just a name you picked out for him, it’s causing massive problems and I don’t see the harm in him wanting to pick a new one now his current name has negative connotations for him. If he changes his name now then by the time he’s 15 he’ll have been Ben longer than Charlie and by adulthood Charlie will be a distant bad memory. I would trial the name unofficially for a few months though and check he isn’t going to get sick of it and then if after 6 months being known as Ben is working for him then I’d change it officially by deedpoll and on all documentation. You can keep Charlie as a middle name.

We had three Staceys in my class at primary school. One of them we called Lauren because it was her middle name. She’s known as Stacey again now.

It’s a shame he doesn’t have a middle name as that would’ve worked perfectly.

Id probably let him change it but don’t change any official documents etc. as primary school is only temporary.

I'd let him go by Benjamin for a few months, inform the school and ask if they can refer to him as that, get him to tell his friends he's now called that. And if in 6-12 month he's still happy with it, legally change to Benjamin

This is really common in some ethnicities, I know countless Mo Husseins, sorry if you’ve said this and I’ve missed it, could he be known by a middle name at school?

I'd let him change his name and I'd tell everyone that he's started using his middle name. No one will know that it's not true and he doesn't have a middle name.

I'd be inclined to add Benjamin as a middle name and he can go by it at school - I knew a couple of kids at both primary and secondary school who went by their middle name. That's less disruptive ID-wise but still gives him options because it seems a shame to change his name permanently just because of a kid who is a pain - this way he has the option to change it back once the other kid is out of his life.

Don’t change it by deed poll or any official route, that would be an overreaction to a temporary issue.

Just tell his teacher he is now known as Benjamin. The kids will find it a novelty and quickly get used to it.

It seems like a huge change to make in response to a temporary situation. If bad Charlie moved away would your son be happy to be Charlie? That’s the main issue I reckon- does he actually like his name but is struggling due to the bad label he is worried about getting? Bad boy behaviour is surely the thing to try to tackle first and foremost. Not a knee-jerk reactive name change.

"Bad" Charlie is unlikely to move away though and in the meantime "Good" Charlie gets into trouble without doing anything wrong.

What about Chaz? Near enough to his own name and won't be confused with the other one. He'll grow into it and soon enough everyone will know him as Chaz

I think I'd let him add it as a middle name Charlie Ben Brown.
But I think I'd tell school you want him to be known as Ben for a period before you deed poll. That said you probably don't need to actually deed poll it.

I came through school with a few people known by variations of their official names. I've also come across some in business known by a completely different name to their actual name.

Really? That’s very sad.

It's quite common though ime.

We have a diverse catchment at my school - children who are Ukrainian, Russian, other Eastern European countries Chinese, Korean, Japanese, etc. Many have an anglicised name. They come to us with those already in place. Some are simplified spellings, others are entirely different names, often very classic, if not older, names such as John, Mark, Kevin, Michael, Susan, Jane, etc,

Our school records will have their official name but the class registers, class lists and day to day use is the anglicised name.

Why on earth would the school ask them to do this? That's awful!

This. I'd be talking to the school in a strong manner about your child wanting to use a different name and you agreeing but also WHY. School should not be screwing up in this way. Your husband's suggestion is batshit as I am sure you know.

Why on earth would the school ask them to do this? That's awful!

It is highly unlikely the school has asked them to do that and the post doesn't say they have.

As I just mentioned above, many children - when moving form a different country - amend their names to a more anglicised spelling and/or pronunciation and some chose a different name entirely, but that isn't eh school asking them to. It's already something they have chosen to,do. Their parents are often doing the same.