To think it’s hard for a middle class child to attend a working class school?

[emoliant]

I mean a predominantly working class state school in a deprived area like an ex mining town. Where the child is one of the only middle class ones and gets bullied for being different or posh.

In fact, it’s hard to be WC in a MC school or MC in a WC school - if the cultures of those schools are not inclusive and tolerant. Just as it’s hard to be a poc, foreign etc

@Mirabai Lots of middle class people are pretty snobbish about poor people. If anyone posts a thread because they are worried that their working class kid going to a private school may be bullied, they are always told not to be so ridiculous. No one will judge them. But as soon as there is a thread here about working class people the judgements and snobbishness is dripping off the page.

I think it might be worse the other way round, tbh.

I was a kid from a dead rough council estate who went to an independent secondary school and, while I wasn't bullied (there wasn't a bullying culture there, which was quite unusual in the 1960s), the fact that my parents didn't have a car or a phone, and that we lived in a flat that we rented from the council, were quite a source of interest and discussion. I frequently felt as though I seemed like an interesting social phenomenon to them.

Fast forward 50 years or so, and my DNiece was bullied at her independent grammar school, because she didn't have the right clothes (eg Next rather than Abercrombie and Fitch), go skiing or sailing, and because her dad was a builder (he actually had his own building company and made really good money from it). They called her a "pov", because she was on a full scholarship, and even though they knew she'd been to an independent primary.

Exactly this.

It is likely that bullying by the more privileged of the less privileged has worse consequences in general because of the way it exacerbates existing inequality. However you would be a pretty bad parent if you expected your middle class kid to just suck it up on the grounds that they probably have better life chances than the kids bullying them.

Some parents I know whose children don’t go to my DCs school are horrified by the thought of going there. My DCs are happy there, say it’s fine and say the stories they hear from their friends from other schools (the children of the aforementioned parents) are exactly the same in terms of issues as at their own school. I’ve heard some of these parents comment about things at my DCs school but when I mention this to my DCs they say “it’s just the same at X’s school, they’ve told me, they’ve either not told their parents as they’d be horrified or their parents think it’s fine there because they think the school is posher”.

It worries me that class based bullying seems to have become more acceptable, not less, in some posh schools.
I posted below about my friend getting picked on at a grammar school in the 80s but that was about following quite subtle codes like not wearing too much makeup. There seems to be more conspicuous consumption now and emphasis on expensive labels and long haul holidays. My friend’s dd had a horrible time on a full scholarship at an independent girls’ school, often getting left out of whole class social events because she couldn’t afford to reciprocate. It seems to have got worse at Oxbridge too. Very depressing.

I don’t know, I do understand. I went to a huge, failing inner city primary where the majority of kids had ACEs (not that they called them that in the 90s) and was very aware that I was different - in that we owned our house, my parents both had jobs, they were married, me and my siblings had the same father. These were things that were regularly mentioned to me as being weird! But I was happy there and made lots of friends I’m still in touch with now.

Then I went to an all girls selective for secondary where it was pointed out that our house was small, my parents hadn’t been to uni, my brother went to the local comp. I didn’t quite fit in either box. I was still happy, but I wouldn’t want it for my kids - it’s hard and tiring always trying to fit in, whether that’s acting up or acting down as it were.

Bullying is bullying. It is experienced by the individual. The consequence of some bullying is suicide. What could be worse than that?

It cuts both ways imo.

The worst bullying I've ever had was from one of my BIL's, whose "banter" about my RP accent and use of words of more than 3 syllables made me "posh", apparently. Well, that and having "posh" hobbies, like reading books (although oddly he never accused MIL of being posh despite her also being a reader and having an RP accent.) It was constant at every fucking family event, until I started avoiding him by being very selective about which ones I went to and
making sure I was rarely in the same room as him for very long when we were both present.

The worst bullying I ever saw at my secondary school in the middle of an Essex council estate was towards a girl with a very posh accent.

She had been born with a speech impediment and had received a lot of speech therapy which caused her to speak a little like Margaret Thatcher.

She would be goaded into an argument and then her voice mimicked until she got very angry and lashed out. Then the bullies would surround her in a circle and kick her to the floor. She'd often get blamed by the teachers because she had a temper but the bullies just used that to their advantage.

This was in the early 80's but to this day I feel guilty for not standing up for her. I had also been bullied for being a bit too posh at my primary school so kept my head down and tried to fit in. I often wonder what happened to her after she left school.

I got picked on for speaking 'posh'. It wasn't nice but at least I had friends. However we had a boy from a very poor single parent family who had very poor personal hygiene. He got picked on constantly and no one ever played with him. Now I work in education, I can't believe the teachers let that go.

When I think back to primary for myself, it was the teachers who were the bullies. The teachers who humiliated children with stammers and from poor back grounds. I often wonder how those poor kids have got on in life after going through the ringer for so many years and constantly being shown up in front of their class or the whole school.

My mum mentioned to my primary school teacher that she got my clothes from jumble sales and she would refer to that in class with an occasional nickname which pissed my mum
off. I was bemused until one of the other kids whose mum was friends with the teacher started using the same name. He wasn’t exactly cool himself though and the wearing of clogs singled him out a bit so it wasn’t really a wise move on his part.

I didn’t. I imploded. Went completely off the rails and ended up dropping out - pregnant - at 15. It’s taken me until I’m 40 to finally get to university. Inverse snobbery and sneeriness at academics are just as damaging as the reverse.

Does bullying not occur in private/ public schools then? Utopian!!!

My accent was mocked a lot in secondary as "posh". It wasn't awful and I imagine it would be similar if a child with a regional accent went to a school where the majority had a southern middle class accent. However overall I had other advantages and in adult life my accent is given much more respect. Which isn't right but is a reality