To think it’s hard for a middle class child to attend a working class school?

[emoliant]

I mean a predominantly working class state school in a deprived area like an ex mining town. Where the child is one of the only middle class ones and gets bullied for being different or posh.

I was a middle class child in a working class school in the 1970s and it was shit. I didn't have any friends the whole time. I think schools are more diverse now in general, but would never choose to send a child to a school where they would be in a minority if I could possibly avoid it.

Speaking as someone with a MC background who married DH who is from a NE ex-mining town, yes 100% there could be potential issues. Ex-mining towns tend to be a mono-culture with low levels of aspirations and education. Systemic generations of unemployed/low skilled workers.
DH was the first in his family to go to Uni 20 years ago and was only 1 of 3 out of his secondary school to do so. Culture wise things tend to lag 15-20 years behind and my MIL still believes education only exists to enable you to get a job so you only need to learn the things that will enable you to work in Asda etc.

If a child is being bullied, raise it with the school

It's the voice that usually attracts the bullying: what is perceived as a "posh" accent (which could be anything from a different set of regional vowel sounds to more correct grammatical usage, bigger vocabulary etc.). Never ever underestimate the capacity of children, even quite young children, to be vicious to the child who is different.

I went to a fancy private school and when we'd walk through the town in our uniforms local people would frequently shout things like "ya posh twats!" at us. I would have been pretty nervous to move to the local more WC school tbh. I'm sure most people would've been fine but it only takes a couple of wankers with a grudge to make someone's life miserable.

That was me. Ended up in a secondary school in a mining village in the eighties. Relentlessly bullied from not being around there - I had previously lived about 30 miles away in the same county. My dad also taught there which made things much much worse. Very low aspirations and many people left without any qualifications at 15. Most subjects only taught to CSE level. I studied for O Levels on the side and then went to a sixth form in the local town and then went to University - of the 80 or so kids in my year I was the only one. We weren’t particularly posh or rich - we lived in a normal 3 bedroomed semi and went on camping holidays in the UK but just different somehow.

I was a middle-class kid at a northern working-class primary. We weren't rich by any means but we had a bigger house and I didn't have much of a local accent as my parents came from the south.

I was never really bullied, but I stood out as different and often had the piss taken. It was hard and had a long-term effect on me. It was a great relief to go to a secondary which was much more mixed.

God, this is so sad. That poor boy.

At my school @ThisIsNotARealAvo "snob" was the insult of choice - it didn't mean that you spoke any differently, it was just the word that the disruptive kids who were not there to learn used about everyone else. Snobs did their homework, listened in class, tried their best, turned up on time, didn't skive off. Snobs had parents who were actually interested in their kids' education and expected them to do their best and possibly go on to higher education.

To be honest, I don't care whether the insults came from a position of insecurity, jealousy, inadequacy or what. It is horrible being one of maybe two or three kids in a class of 30 who actually want to be there. So glad we could give our own kids something a lot nicer for their school years. A school where the "snobs" are the majority and there are lots of motivated kids.

I was bullied for sounding posh and being a boffin. It hurt a lot. I couldn’t see what was wrong with the way I spoke, or that I liked to learn new things. Eventually I toned down my RP accent to sound slightly more local, and stopped using my extensive vocabulary gleaned from reading all the time. It made a tiny bit of difference, but not much. It doesn’t help that I have a very classic name, and most of the girls in my class had names that would date us instantly as the early 90s babies we were.

In my current workplace, I am one of the few teachers who went to a UK state school and I am having to turn my old accent back on to fit in again.

I dealt with low-level but persistent teasing for my 'posh' accent (parents from the south east and I didn't pick up the local midlands accent much), and for being a boff. I found it hard to make friends until I moved to a more mixed school, which was still a bog standard comp but had an intake that included everything from council estates to some of the biggest houses in town. Then it wasn't such an issue.

It was stressful and annoying, but I have to say the kids who were properly bullied was nothing to do with class background or accent.

I later went to uni and found it hard to make friends with all the actual posh kids who had been to private schools and done fancy gap years...

I wouldn’t say I was bullied as such just called posh and eye rolled at. There were just enough of us to form a solid group so we were left alone by the hard core group. At my school to be cool you had to have a broad Somerset accent and get fingered by plumbers in fields. Even at the time I was very happy not being in the group and bumbling on doing my school work.

That said at 16 I went to stay with my mothers friend and her same age Dd she was at a top girls public school and my hid that was way way worse than my comp! . They were light years ahead of me in terms of drink drugs and sex. I was relieved to get back to my Somerset comp!

The child probably isn’t different or posh, and is probably just as working class as the rest of them, but it’s parents are stupid enough to think they’re above the rest.

Theres no such thing as middle class. You either have to work for a living or you don’t.

my comment won't be too helpful but all three of mine grew up in a mining town and dh and i put in 30 years of service. both professionals not that that mattered much as the hourly wages were fab and a young person starting in the lines at 16 was well ahead of the uni grads that started at 24 come retirement. mostly because their parents taught them the value of investing wisely.
i do see young people going back maybe for the memories and family connections. the jobs are much fewer and along with less work more drug and alcohol issues cropped up.

but as for the kids, new kids in town were welcomed as a bit of a novelty. bullying seemed more around sporting options rather than family background but there was some snobbery mainly between adults.
my uk son in law visited the town (although population wise it was a village) and was a bit surprised how everyone chatted to one another, how even if he didn't know someone they chatted to him and everyone knew of someone from manchester or the uk and everyone had stories to share as to how they ended up working in such a place. he was shocked at how easily people chatted along to complete strangers with ease.
when dd went off to uni, along with several of her class mates they certainly kept a rough eye on one another, and i knew i could always count on one of them to help out if necessary (like when she was 500+ miles away in dorms with mono).

thanks for taking me for a walk down memory lane.
regarding bullying and your issues; community deprivation, local mh and addiction will affect the situation more than social background.

I suspect school dinners may be a shock.

A happy shock.

More chips please! Yes cheese on them. 7 sachets of ketchup!

Ta lovely.

I noticed OP hasn't returned so is it a thread for discussion rather than reality?

My dc got bullied for being posh. We very much are not so.

Yes “posh” is extremely subjective!

Perhaps the OP thought she was going to stir up a lot of negative comments about VAT on private schools and found none. It seems a common theme on other threads today.

My DC was fine in a very WC midlands primary school. I didn't make any friends amongst the other parents though. Not sure why. Maybe because I'm from the south and my accent can be perceived as posh? Maybe I just looked unfriendly or different?

Moved to a MC area for the secondaries and moved him. Made loads of friends very quickly and he did fit in better and had a lovely group of friends.

Going by the bullies who weighed in immediately, I think that child might have a tough time if some of the comments on here are anything to go by

I had my life made an absolute misery for being the “posh” kid at a very working class secondary. It absolutely does happen, and in my experience incipient anti-bullying policies do exactly nothing to prevent it, and schools aren’t remotely interested in dealing with it.
I’m sure it also happens the other way around as well.

I live in an affluent area but it's rural. Everyone mixes easily.

I think it’s difficult being in a minority or outlier at any school - whether that’s due to class, ethnicity, gender, extremes of intelligence at both ends of the scale, ASD, SEN, disability, refugee status etc. Some schools are more inclusive and embracing of difference than others.

Lol you can't be THAT posh if you're living in a deprived ex pit town where you're literally the only middle class family in the entire school. I'm sure he'll be fine. Or just move to somewhere else?