AIBU to think you don't just sign up to a triathlon without checking first?

[7175McGee]

DP has just announced they've signed up for a competitive triathlon later in the year and that it will require a huge amount of time commitment for training.

This means that a lot of evening and weekend child wrangling and general household shitwork will fall solely to me while they are out for hours training.

We both work full time, often one of us not getting home until 7pm several times a week. My argument is that DP simply does not have the lifestyle to accommodate elite athlete type training regimes. And I'm not willing to pick up all the slack just so they can say they've done a triathlon.

AIBU that there should have been some discussion with me about committing to this first? Rather than: "I'm training for a Very Important Triathlon so that I don't DIE young, so I'm just fucking off out for five hours"?

I haven't answered this because I don't actually know! I didn't realise there were different distances and that not all triathlons were the same. (I am NOT athletic at all).

I'll ask him. It's unlikely to be one of the epic distances. More likely just an excuse to disappear for the whole day because his health, fitness and well-being is Very Important. (And mine isn't, I guess?)

Is there a library you can go to study?

The suggestion that you should study while he trains and you look after the kids is ridiculous… perhaps the kids should go with him to train so they can be inspired by his healthy lifestyle and achievements :)

It’s fine if you get equal leisure time. But you don’t. He takes you for granted. Divorce and 50/50?

I suspect he views your study time as your leisure time, and the triathlon is his bid to get equal child free time.

Yeah it’s not fair. Especially as he’s not compromising at all by getting up early to do it as most parents would.

He doesn’t get to faff about for hours when you need time to study and you have kids to look after. He can’t behave like a single man then throw it back in your face calling you ‘unsupportive’ if you question it.

I would sit down and have a serious chat about how this is going to work and be fair on you. He is going to have to commit to early mornings and back by a reasonable time. Then you block out the same amount of time to study - put it in a shared diary and get him to agree to it.

But you also need to same amount of leisure time on top of the study time I forgot to add.

Supportive is fine.
But it doesn't mean that you can opt out of your share of childcare and household chores,

Op, handy tip for when he tells you the distance -

If he says 'sprint' - unless he is very unfit, this should require no training. Ditto super sprint. He could do some if he wants to get a faster time, but doesn't necessarily need to. (I recall doing one once and a guy I was chatting to was there in flip flops and speedos, his mate had entered him and he'd forgotten, still did it though)

If he says 'Olympic' - he might need to do one of each of the disciplines each week. So one swim session of about 20-40 mins, one bike of a couple of hours, about an hour run.

If he says iron man, no way. Utterly outrageous to sign up to that without talking to you first. Hours of training. Divorce territory because that is awful on so many levels.

Ask for training plan then you know how big the issue is
if it’s a sprint training is minimal if you have reasonable fitness

anything Olympic and above he will need a structured training plan

if your sensible you can work your training round commitments and family life
swimming tbf is a pain in the arse as pool Opening times dictate training

I’ve run at 5.30 in morning and cycled at 9 at night

sprint if I remember right is 750 swim 20k on a bike and 5k run

out if everything I’ve done sporty cycling and running are the most flexible

ask him how many hours a week he plans to train for then go from there let him come up with the solution
a planner is the best one then he csn physically see the impact of it

I ‘m not going to lie lOlympic and above you have to put the hours in

depending on the event if he’s signed for some massive one he can defer for till next year till he can work out how to fit it in. And practice on sprint one this year which have minimal training

As you both seemingly have commitments beyond work and the children I suggest you sit down and agree when BOTH are going to take place. NOT at the same time I might add.

while I think it’s good to be supportive on sports/exercise matters, it absolutely does not give him a free pass to disappear on a Saturday 10-3. If he was willing to go at 6am otoh, that’s different.

I do the vast majority of my running training early morning, late evening, when they are at evening clubs and during lunch hours. Kids come first. So I’ve done the food shop, ironed all uniforms and helped with homework this afternoon so that I can in good conscience go later on today. If he really is going to disappear for hours at a time he needs to step it up in other ways .

And yeah sprint triathlon shouldn’t need much specific training at all if he is already pretty fit

Not unreasonable for him to spend his leisure time however he sees fit. Not unreasonable for him to invest time and money in his health (mental or physical)

Entirely fucking unreasonable for him to simply opt out of parenting/cooking/cleaning/household management to facilitate this.

He needs to find a way to combine his goals with his adult responsibilities.