To be told my engagement doesn’t matter?

[Joolz92]

Been with my partner for 10 years (ish - we split up 3 years in for a few months but then got back together). Gets on fine with family and friends, everything’s fine in that regard.

We weren’t engaged but discussed getting engaged and married a few times over the years but always had something else to spend the money on - saved up and bought our house, had nice holidays etc.

Last weekend on a hike, he proposed! It was a lovely sunny day and we had some fizz he hid in his bag, and later when we called our families, mine upset me. My mum basically said it was lovely news but not exciting as we’ve been together so long, and was it worth getting married when we’ve now been together this long anyway?

Im still really taken back by it. DF(!)s parents were both lovely and said congrats and excited to be wedding planning, though didn’t seem overly excited - fine, was still a nicer reaction than my parents. My friends group chat had lovely reactions except for 2 girls - one said ‘well we all knew it would come eventually’, and the other said to start planning a baby before the wedding as not getting any younger.

just really upset and needing to rant, what should be a lovely time just feels rubbish. DF says not to worry about them and has been trying his best to cheer me up. But I feel like the bubble has burst?

am I being unreasonable? Or am I being ridiculous? I’m not normally an ‘all about me’ person but I just thought I’d be able to enjoy this a little more?

It really isn’t!

congratulations OP x

Onelifeonly · Yesterday 14:00
Well there's no reason for anyone to be dismissive, but after 10 years it's not a revelation, is it? A few years in, yes it is, because it's the first time people may understand how committed you are. Also there may be a sense of, why now, why not earlier if it's such a big deal?

Yes, I agree with this.

OP - of course it's great news for you and I wish you every happiness - don't get me wrong. But I think, in the 21st century, the whole idea of engagements is a bit redundant. You get people co-habiting for well, decades, who claim to be engaged. It used to be a serious public declaration that a marriage would take place soon - weddings used to follow pretty quickly, in a few months, after an engagement in Victorian or even 20th century times. The very long engagements we get now are often to do with the logistics of planning a major Busby Berkeley Hollywood Extravaganza wedding, which wasn't the case in the past.

So I'm not being mean to you, I just think that most of the time when people today say they're engaged, it means something very different from the original meaning of the term and I think we should just do away with it and say "We're getting married next year.

(Cynical old me suspects that half the time it's just another excuse for more fuss, attention-seeking, expensive partying and more gifts!!! ) Last of the old romantics, me!😀

I might actually find it a little weird if anyone reacted that way, because I trust and appreciate that we are already regarded by everyone as a fully established couple

I agree with this