DH has become totally unsupportive of my career / business

[SparklyGreenKoala]

I have been a SAHM for a while and with my youngest a few years into primary school, I decided to start my a business with a friend.
It’s a business where the bulk of the work will need to be done during the weekends, so I am out most of Saturday and Sunday but this also means I am completely present the other 5 days.

At first, my husband was very supportive but he has become increasingly dismissive and patronising, because the business hasn’t yet turned a profit. It’s only been going for 3.5 years and it will take time to become established and profitable; He thinks it’s a waste of time and that I should do something else, but I love what I do. I get so much satisfaction from my work, I couldn’t imagine doing something else.

However, his main gripe is he doesn’t have the weekends free to himself and he is carrying more of the burden than me. I have tried to ignore this but he just becomes very shouty, accusing me of having a jolly whilst he has to deal a job he hates.

I accept, it’s not going to be easy, and I have arranged a cleaner to come on Friday afternoons, so there is no house work for him to do on Saturday mornings. However, the complaining hasn’t stopped and he has started to involve the wider family.

Am inbeing reasonable in asking him to support me.

You could be earning more than twice as much if you went back to your HR job

Ah, I doubt it, tbh. HR assistants are ten-a-penny with about 100 applicants for every job. One who hasn't been working for more than a decade is not exactly going to have employers beating down the door.

I don't think OP's business is much of a long-term goer, but I don't think going back to HR assistant-ing is going to do much either.

He's been supportive for over 3 years maybe theres a good chance he knows the business isn't scalable and he's had enough.

But he's been supporting her for 3.5 years, and OP says her take-home salary will never be increasing from the 12k she brings home now. How long is he expected to support her? Indefinitely?

She's asking a lot of him for practically nothing in return.

You stated "I don't know anyone who...",well there's plenty of people who do.
It does sound like the husband has issues with cleabing arrangements, he doesn't want the wife to be not around for some/most weekends.

YABU. Business isn't viable. No brainer. Get a proper job if you want to work.

*it doesn't look like husband has issues with cleaning arrangements

The OP is a bit misleading as it implies that the family is getting no money from her working weekends for half the year. In fact, she’s paying herself a £12k salary. Which changes things a bit - I think she’s still probably being U because of the impact of her family, but not as completely U as the initial description would suggest!

I can kind of see your DH point OP if he is working all week and then is looking after the kids all weekend every weekend for half the year. It doesn’t sound great for family life. Although you are bringing in 12k for that amount of work, which isn’t too bad! Your arrangement is normal for a lot of families, and presumably you have zero childcare costs.

It’s unclear how flexible the work is? I assume it’s events of some kind, hence the weekends. Is there any way you can somehow do more of the work in the week to free up your weekend days more (I assume not)? Even take less salary to allow you to hire a staff member? Do your business partners work the same hours and how do they feel about it?

I think people have been confused by you saying no profit. You are extracting 12k profit from the business as a salary. Whether that’s good enough for the impact on your family is another matter

So you could go PT and still earn £14k

Surely that would be preferable than spending your weekends working and being absent from your family.

What do you do all day during the week?

This business is more of a hobby and considering your DH is working hard all week and then not having any family time/time to himself on the weekends, I can see why he’s annoyed over it.

You get time to yourself, for hobbies and to socialise etc every week day.
He gets nothing.

Most people (52%) 25-34 have a degree. But my point was actually that you claimed she would have to start at the bottom of the barrel on a minimum wage job as she had been out of the workplace - which is nonsense - I was merely counterbalancing that with the other end of the scale.

I didn't claim that at all, I just gave examples of some jobs where she could earn 12k working part-time without any specific training.

She could do both and earn 26k. But then they would need childcare.

It’s only seasonal this job - so only half the weekends in the year.

Bottom of the barrel....🙄

And why give examples of min wage jobs when she’s likely to have had a previous career?

You talk about him not supporting you but when/where are you supporting him?

You've had the luxury of brought a SAHM for several years, which isn't possible for many but is for you, just to his salary, earned on a job he hates.

He's also paying for a cleaner when you have Monday to Friday to do it.

Then at weekends he's picking up the slack while you are away earning feck all.

It all seems to be what you want. No wonder he's getting sick of it.

Because I didn't know what her previous career was, so it made sense to use examples that are open to anyone regardless of their experience?

I saw! And she has a cleaner.

Because at this point that would be an improvement!

It clearly made sense to you.

I'm struck by the dismissive language used about the OP - she "does nothing all week" "asking alot for practically nothing in return" he funds her lifestyle (from an apparently adequate and high powered salary).

So he married her for her child bearing and rearing skills, her housekeeping and presumably PA qualifications - not because they were in love, not taking into account the lifestyle they apparently enjoy together or anything if that nature.

Does this not strike you as a bit dehumanising ? Her apparent worth, according to some on here, is purely about how she can adequately "repay" him for doing her the favour of marrying and impregnating her? Good Lord. I thought we'd gotten over wives being chattels.. .

Also just as a note, this applies to every single product and service under the sun, from niche things like dog nail polish to everyday essentials. Everywhere you look, people are making millions from something. But there's still a reason why 90% of businesses don't work out.

Being profitable takes time, but unless you're going to unmask some revolutionary technology you've been secretly working on, 3.5 years to barely make a minimum wage is pretty unpromising. I was self-sufficient (could live pretty comfortably) within my first year of being self-employed.

Your husband has been very supportive. Instead of phrasing this as a "woman empowerment rah rah, shit on my unsupportive husband" issue, why not phrase this as a "how can we work together to make the business more viable in the long-run, both in terms of stable cash flow/non-seasonal profit model, and in terms of balancing family life"?

Not sure how your maths is but 12k for 52 days work is much better deal than working 5 days a week for the same wage. And then you’d have to pay childcare.

Prior to the OP saying she worked in as a HR assistant nobody had any clue what her career background was. She could have gotten pregnant very young or been in a specific career for 20 years, we had no idea. What offends you so much about minimum wage jobs though? I think people gave those suggestions because OP makes £12k, so even working full time on mim wage she would earn more than this.

It’s interesting isn’t it.

But it just seems to be based in envy that she’s not had to work FT.

'Cocklodger' is a pretty common term on MN... What are your feelings on that?