To not care about cheating?

[MarzipanGenius]

Just that, really. I love DH very much, we’re not polyamorous and I have no interest in an open relationship. However, I read posts on here about cheating and the results at heartbreak and - while I have every sympathy for the posters, I don’t ‘get’ it on any real level. The idea of DH stepping out with someone else doesn’t really bother me at all.

I’ve always felt like this. In every relationship I’ve ever been in. I don’t say it out loud in real life, as I don’t think people would react well.

Anyone else feel like this? Am I alone?

I feel the same, but I am asexual, and have no sexual jealousy what so ever. I think I am very lucky

I'm the same. I don't get jealous and I never have. I think I'd be more bothered by the lying to me than the fact they cheated. I've not experienced it though so the reality might be different but I figure if they do it it is a reflection of them not me. I've always said if someone is wanting to go elsewhere I'd rather they just left me than lie to me. I think we are the minority though! I don't know if it is linked to my autism and adhd though as I am very out of sight out of mind and also don't miss people!

You don't have to 'get it'.

You do you and let other people do things their way.

When you say you haven’t said it out loud, Does your husband know this? Does he act on it?

You say you aren’t polyamorous or in an open relationship. Is the reason perhaps you’re saying your laid back about it because you know it is just theoretical rather than actually something you are having to
contend with?

Wow OP you're so cool!

There you go, I've given you what you were looking for and consider that my random act of kindness for the day.

I’m not asking anyone to help me get it proposing that people do things in any other way. I’m asking if anyone feels the same as I do.

Was the OP unclear? If so, my apologies.

The idea of DH having sex with someone else doesn’t affect me much but the idea of him loving someone else really does. I could always separate sex and intimacy so that’s not a big deal for me.

My husband finds it amusing. He’s very monogamous and, to the best of my knowledge, has no interest in acting on it.

It’s theoretical for everyone until they have to contend with it. A lot of people seem to have a visceral reaction to the very idea. I don’t have that.

Do you mean you don’t mind him having sex with other people? Or you don’t mind him having a romantic connection plus sex? Or you don’t mind him cheating and leaving you for that person?

The idea of DH having sex with someone else doesn’t affect me much

Im embarrassed to say I think it's kind of hot 😳 (my DH obvs, not yours!)

It might be how you feel now and it might be normal to feel that way.

However if it actually happened, especially if you've been together many years, I would expect it to rip your world apart in a way you can't comprehend and I hope you never have to.

If it didn't bother you if it actually happened, no I don't think that's normal and I'd wonder if there was a previous trauma you'd experienced that has altered your brain chemistry.

I do raise my eyebrow a bit at the claim of PTSD as a result...

I dont think that is what the OP is looking for at all. And I think you are being unkind

Maybe that’s it. DH falling in love with someone else would upset me.

Everyone is entitled to feel how they feel but I wonder if it actually happened to you whether you would still feel the same.

"Stepping out" is hardly an accurate description of what happens.

Lies and betrayal from the person you thought loved you and the fact that your feelings don't count is the reality.

I get that some people may not actually mind but it's not just the fact of shagging someone else it's all that goes with it.

I started feeling like this about 11 years into my relationship with my ex. Should have realised it was the beginning of the end, that what I actually doing was mentally checking out of the relationship. I actually got to the point where I hoped he’d cheat so I’d have closure on my feelings of ‘not caring’, obviously at that point I accepted it was over (on my end) and got ducks in row as the old mn saying goes. I’d add there was a lot of other things going on as well, didn’t just wake up one day wishing he’d fuck off 🤣.

This made me laugh. 🤣

I don’t think that’s so unusual - it’s why swingers do it after all! I think I’d like to find it hot I just unfortunately don’t.

Lucky you.

And for the people who say they don't get jealous, on discovering you've been cheated on isn't jealousy you'll feel, it'll be a great sense of betrayal.

I think there are a lot more women like this than MN would have you believe. People post about infidelity on MN largely because it has distressed them. People don't post about it if it is a non issue to them. I have a friend who prefers life when her DH has other interests keeping him occupied! But still happy with their life together. i used to be a live in nanny and that sort of set up was not particularly unusual

I agree, I think a lot of people would be more upset by lies than actual infidelity

I felt like this about my ex, but that was a reflection on my lack of interest in our relationship.

My current relationship, no I couldn't accept cheating.

Others, I know a few who regularly cheat and they are unhappy but financially stuck.

I don't know anyone who cheats where both are happy.

I suppose if it's all theoretical, you will know when it's real how you will feel.

For many people the hatred of cheating is jealousy, but for some it is the fear that their partner cheating may result in them leaving eventually or their relationship breaking down.

I think the fact that you know your husband is monogamous and you have that underlying security allows you to have this kind of fantasy and relaxed attitude to the idea

So a quick ONS is ok?

Dinner, days out, a connection and sex with someone else not?

How/where do you draw the line between them?

Not to mention the risk to your own sexual health if he caught a STI (or whatever they are called now).

The thought of your husband having sex with somebody else you find hot, but do you mean specifically the thought of him having sex behind your back, entirely without your knowledge?

Just sex does not bother me - i have been swinging. Getting emotionally attached to someone else I could deal with, if it didn't involve detaching from me in the process (I think it is possible to be in love with more than one person.)

But secrecy and lying are not acceptable, and I think that is what most people are really hurt by with cheating, the betrayal of trust.