DH and I at an impasse - what would you do?

[AppasAnnie]

We are coming to the end of our fixed fee period on our mortgage and DH and I are getting into so many arguments about what to do next.

we live in a lovely Villiage in a 3 bed terraced home. We purchased the house before having DD and naturally thought ‘oh it’s got 3 bedrooms that will do for a family home’ no, no, no. Within a few months we ran out of space and are now very cramped - especially since I now permanently WFH.

Biggest issue is that in the last 5 years DH has put down a lot of roots in the Villiage, he is on our church PCC, is a Villiage counsellor and a member of the parish council. We both love the area but it’s hard to find any houses in our budget. The Villiage is tiny so very few houses come up for sale, and most are £1ml+ as they come with lots of land (it’s a farming Villiage so most of the 4 beds have acres of land, which we don’t need!)

DH wants to stay put and do a single story extension (we couldn’t do a double as it would block light either side) and convert the loft into an office as it’s not suitable for a full loft conversion.

I want to move into a different Villiage locally, where houses are a bit more attainable. But still at the very top of our affordability.

My biggest argument against doing the extension is it wouldn’t add much if any value to the house really, as it’s still a small 3 bed up top (2 small doubles and a single) it also wouldn’t address most of our issues regarding a lack of storage and living space.

If we move the type of home we could just about afford in neighbouring villages would have a garage and 4 bedrooms so it could be a more ‘forever’ home

DH is concerned about maxing out our affordability now we have DD and everything is just getting more and more expensive.

What would you do?

YABU - DH is right extend and stay put
YANBU - move and max out your budget

have you enjoyed the village and got involved in village life?

foes your child go to local school?

i am inclined to side with your DH

I think area and community matters so much more than material items. If you need more storage maybe get rid of some stuff.

Do you have space for a garden office

Why are you so cramped?

Sounds like a nice size house - a bedroom for you, for your child and one for a home office?

Could you do a garden room?

I would move now and set down roots in the other village with a view to it being your long term place to live.

Your DH can still continue with his activities as you state the other village is still local.

If it’s a good community and you have routes I’d probably extend too. What would the extension add space wise, how would you use the rooms? If you’re staying put then how much you add value to the house isn’t always the most important point.

Not really, I find it a bit wanky

DD is likely to attend a private school nearby as the local schools aren’t the best

how’s your marriage generally?

Technically yes, but we did a large landscaping project when we first moved in and to get a garden office would mean that would all go to waste (as would need to rip up a lot of decking etc.)

Are you likely to have more children? If so I’d say move.

It would replace our current conservatory (which we don’t use because it’s either too cold or too hot) and would add one more reception room, we’d use it as a dining and play space for DD.

Definitely not, we are one and done!

I'd get rid of 75% of your belongings. Could you put a master suite in the extension and make rest of downstairs a big kitchen living space. Use one of your upstairs bedrooms as an office/snug or WFH in loft.

This🙂

I'd just build a garden office I wouldn't waste money on an extension that won't add value.

@AppasAnnie you're missing the obvious solution. Get a job where you don't have to wfh, or go into the office if there is one. Then you don't have to have an office at home.

Simples.

YABU. Get some clever storage solutions (e.g. foldaway desks), declutter, and stay put. Not only is moving expensive with moving costs and stamp duty, you're buying at the top of your budget in a difficult economic climate.

Is it just a very small house in terms of the room sizes? Otherwise, I'm not seeing how 3 beds, then a loft/garden office, plus conservatory plus playroom plus presumably your existing downstairs (two rooms?) isn't enough for a two person one child family?

Extensions do add value! My neighbours have nearly all gone up in the lofts, it massively increases the value although loft/extension work is more expensive due to materials/labour prices than in the past.

Could you have a shed or rent a garage nearby to store some of your stuff? I mean, if the garden office is a no-go. I use a garage for deck chairs and winter clothes and all sorts of stuff that I wouldn't have room for in the house.
Or, spend some money on your conservatory so that you can use it all year round (office?).
In short, I'd stay put.

We have family stay regularly to help care for DD, so in the third bedroom (which is the definition of a box room) there is a single bed crammed in and a small desk

I say this as someone who has recently come to this conclusion myself - you’re living with too much stuff!

Theres no way x2 adults and a toddler can’t fit in a three bed with a garden. You need to audit your stuff and reduce down your belongings. Have a clear out. Moving is stressful and expensive, and living in a nice area is the ultimate privilege, don’t mess with that if you can help it. The time you take rejigging your current home, will be way less than the faff/stress/expense of moving.

Apologies I meant it wouldn’t add more value than it costs to do the work. As there is a ceiling since it’s still a small terraced home

I am struggling to see how a three bed house isn't enough. It sounds like you need a declutter.

Three bedrooms, you and DH, dd and home office with a fold up guest bed?
Value is only relevant in planning to sell within a few years.

I wouldn't discount the value of being happy. But I am reading you aren't happy there? Anything in particular help with that ?

I don't think either of you are wrong. Both are valid options.

If I was in your husband's position, I would want to stay. If I was in yours, I would be tempted to move.

On balance, I think I would probably try the attic conversion, and if it wasn't really enough, then look at moving. I wouldn't want to reduce the outside space.