DH and I at an impasse - what would you do?

[AppasAnnie]

We are coming to the end of our fixed fee period on our mortgage and DH and I are getting into so many arguments about what to do next.

we live in a lovely Villiage in a 3 bed terraced home. We purchased the house before having DD and naturally thought ‘oh it’s got 3 bedrooms that will do for a family home’ no, no, no. Within a few months we ran out of space and are now very cramped - especially since I now permanently WFH.

Biggest issue is that in the last 5 years DH has put down a lot of roots in the Villiage, he is on our church PCC, is a Villiage counsellor and a member of the parish council. We both love the area but it’s hard to find any houses in our budget. The Villiage is tiny so very few houses come up for sale, and most are £1ml+ as they come with lots of land (it’s a farming Villiage so most of the 4 beds have acres of land, which we don’t need!)

DH wants to stay put and do a single story extension (we couldn’t do a double as it would block light either side) and convert the loft into an office as it’s not suitable for a full loft conversion.

I want to move into a different Villiage locally, where houses are a bit more attainable. But still at the very top of our affordability.

My biggest argument against doing the extension is it wouldn’t add much if any value to the house really, as it’s still a small 3 bed up top (2 small doubles and a single) it also wouldn’t address most of our issues regarding a lack of storage and living space.

If we move the type of home we could just about afford in neighbouring villages would have a garage and 4 bedrooms so it could be a more ‘forever’ home

DH is concerned about maxing out our affordability now we have DD and everything is just getting more and more expensive.

What would you do?

YABU - DH is right extend and stay put
YANBU - move and max out your budget

The build itself is terrible, we took the contractor to small claims court and won but he fled to Spain

Thoroughly declutter and maximise the space you have. Change the conservatory roof to one which is heavily insulated and tiled - only on the three coldest days of the year can it not be used. Install blinds, if needed, so it can be used in the height of summer.
We did this, having experienced the same as you, and it makes a dramatic difference. This should be a less expensive and disrupting option than an extension or house move.
PM me if you want further details.

Ah, I posted too soon.

I think you need to price up all the options amd work out pros and cons based on your and DH's priorities for the future.

What about finding a hot desking/coworking office space? But then it sounds like you don't massively like the current village.

I really dislike houses that are unbalanced so I would move. No value in a huge downstairs if the bedrooms are still too small and materials and builders have increased in price so much lately it seems like a pointless extension to me.

you need to have a massive clear out and sort out either way tbh, that might help you decide

His idea makes alot more sense than yours. I'm pretty against maxing out your budget. You can get a wall bed for the visitor for more space. Or a sofa bed in the single story conversion.or a garden office. A three bed with one child is not cramped.

Wtf.

In that price bracket, the cost of moving itself (SDLT, solicitors fees and disbursements, removal costs, new furnishings etc as your curtains are unlikely to fit and all flog that stuff) will be significant.

How would they compare to the cost of the works you’re considering?

If, having done the work, this is going to be your forever home, or home for a significant period of time, does it matter as much whether you’re adding £X amount of value? The value will be, for you, more what it brings to your life rather than a monetary value. Different if you’re planning to move again in, say 5-10 years time.

I know it sounds trite, but maybe the issue you have is that you don’t have the storage and workspace you need where you need it. Would doing the work get you to that stage?

If you move, will you still send your DD to private school? Because the cost of that should factor in if not.

How far away is the village you want to move to? Could your husband still commute to his community groups?

Why can't you do a proper loft conversion, hip to gable and dorma. Put the master suite up there with an office if there's room. If no room for an office I would find space to rearrange downstairs with an extension, extend larger then the existing and included the office downstairs.

But I think that’s normal nowadays? And you’d save the money on solicitor and stamp duty which is lost money. Whereas extending you should at least make that money back. And get rid of stuff especially if you’re not having another baby. We’re 2 adults and 2 kids in a 3 bed and we both WFH, it’s fine, we’re just ruthless about stuff.

There's your crucial issue. You don't like it. He does.

You always take the weather with you.

Why not put a warm roof on the conservatory at around 5k then add a log burner or under floor heating to use as a dinning room come play room. Do the loft as a partial conversion with a loft ladder if it's only as an office. You could do most of the work for around 2k use the rest to enjoy your life. DS has a train set in our loft we got a quote recently convert it 70k for the basic structural work as we have to put a dormer in to make it a legal room!! That's despite the fact we are all short so don't actually need the head height 🤣

Most terraced houses can’t do this btw. We had this same issue and couldn’t do a proper loft conversion as it impacts on the neighbours either side too much - same applies to a two story extension

If you were to move house, you'd have to ruthlessly declutter anyway, so you may as well do that now and see if it helps.

You've also indicated that although doing work to the house wouldn't add value in the sense of making more than you paid to do the work, it wouldn't lose money. So it seems worthwhile to do at least things that maximise the benefit of the space you currently have - like turning the conservatory into something more useful in the ways others have suggested.

I'm also conscious that moving is going to involve tens of thousands of pounds of associated costs, so it seems worthwhile to see what you can do to make your current home work for you before thinking about a move. This is not a situation where you've had triplets in a one-bed flat and it's obviously impossible to stay put - on paper, a couple and a child in a 3-bed is a very normal situation and I think there's probably more you can do to make it work. If you're planning on private school anyway, then school catchment areas aren't significant in the same way, so there's no rush there. And I do think your husband's local connections have significance - I'm not saying they should matter more than everything else, but they're part of the picture. And stretching yourself to the max feels a bit chancy at the moment, too. So I'd go one step at a time - sort out your current home and then revisit the question.

This in spades. Would this be a dealbreaker for either of you?

Totally irrelevant to the thread, but out of curiosity why do you write ‘Villiage’?

How about a portable office/shed at the end of the garden. Freeing up a room. Or have a large shed for storage and or the extension.

It would be a lot less stress and hassle

You need to declutter not move

Maybe look into getting someone in like an interior designer/declutter expert. Sometimes we can’t see wood for trees.
There was a spillage on my carpet so I moved a side table to clean and honestly it’s made the area so much better, we all have too much stuff and furniture.
I used to like that tv show with Ann Maurice where they were selling. All she did was take everything out, clean/paint and put far less back.
If your dc is small you are probably at big toy stage. In a few years you won’t be.
I’d definitely explore idea of a garden office.

I’d move. Your husband does sound really involved in the village though 😬

How is being engaged with the local community 'wanky', for goodness' sake?

You are coming across as a bit of a snob, I'm afraid. I think your husband is probably more correct in this, admittedly difficult, decision - and PPs with comments about decluttering also have points worth considering.

I would hazard a guess…. it’s not in the healthiest of states

but once she starts school… presumably that won’t happen as often?