DH and I at an impasse - what would you do?

[AppasAnnie]

We are coming to the end of our fixed fee period on our mortgage and DH and I are getting into so many arguments about what to do next.

we live in a lovely Villiage in a 3 bed terraced home. We purchased the house before having DD and naturally thought ‘oh it’s got 3 bedrooms that will do for a family home’ no, no, no. Within a few months we ran out of space and are now very cramped - especially since I now permanently WFH.

Biggest issue is that in the last 5 years DH has put down a lot of roots in the Villiage, he is on our church PCC, is a Villiage counsellor and a member of the parish council. We both love the area but it’s hard to find any houses in our budget. The Villiage is tiny so very few houses come up for sale, and most are £1ml+ as they come with lots of land (it’s a farming Villiage so most of the 4 beds have acres of land, which we don’t need!)

DH wants to stay put and do a single story extension (we couldn’t do a double as it would block light either side) and convert the loft into an office as it’s not suitable for a full loft conversion.

I want to move into a different Villiage locally, where houses are a bit more attainable. But still at the very top of our affordability.

My biggest argument against doing the extension is it wouldn’t add much if any value to the house really, as it’s still a small 3 bed up top (2 small doubles and a single) it also wouldn’t address most of our issues regarding a lack of storage and living space.

If we move the type of home we could just about afford in neighbouring villages would have a garage and 4 bedrooms so it could be a more ‘forever’ home

DH is concerned about maxing out our affordability now we have DD and everything is just getting more and more expensive.

What would you do?

YABU - DH is right extend and stay put
YANBU - move and max out your budget

If your DH is the kind of person to get actively involved in village life, he will probably do that anywhere.

Don't underestimate the value of your established community.

did you mean to quote me?

It sounds as though the three bedrooms are needed.
Am I right in thinking the options are to go up-into the loft/outwards instead of a conservatory/into a home office?
A declutter is never a bad thing but you do need some storage for ladders/bikes/winter duvets/whatever.
Personally I'd go up-into the loft for an office, at least for a while.
Get some good blinds for the conservatory to deal with the temperature, build when you can.
Eventually, go for a garden office. All decking dies in the end and becomes evil slippery so at that point, build your office. Have a 10 year plan?

Can I ask why this is a thing you see yourself needing long term?

I only ask because we are also one and done. We also bought a small house to have the area we want. But we bought a 2 bed. I WFH. We have no money to extend or anything yet. But we are not crammed in.

We use the space effectively (I watch a lot of Kirstie and Phil too). I have a desk space in my bedroom which folds away. DD has a single bed, with another under it that pulls out and folds up. This means her cousins can stay, or if grandparents (my family are a journey away) want to come they can stay with her or we can drag it to the living room. If more than one stays they get somewhere nearby.

I can't envisage needing family input for childcare much once she's at school. TBH we don't need much already. Which is why I'm asking you the question. What means you need space for them to stay that means you'll likely need to move?

I hadn't read the full thread. Sorry. I didn't intend to upset you.

you didn’t 😕

i asked a question!

I would actually be thinking more about schools.
If you’re not planning to send your DD to the village school, and prefer the local private school, maybe you should be moving nearer to there. What about secondary? Will you stay private for that? Where is the secondary she’s likely to go to? Do you need to be in a catchment area?

If moving house is even being considered, I would ensure it works from a school perspective. Kids make most of their friends at school, and you will be doing a LOT of driving her to meet friends, especially in secondary, so I’d put that top of your list of things to consider.