DH and I at an impasse - what would you do?

[AppasAnnie]

We are coming to the end of our fixed fee period on our mortgage and DH and I are getting into so many arguments about what to do next.

we live in a lovely Villiage in a 3 bed terraced home. We purchased the house before having DD and naturally thought ‘oh it’s got 3 bedrooms that will do for a family home’ no, no, no. Within a few months we ran out of space and are now very cramped - especially since I now permanently WFH.

Biggest issue is that in the last 5 years DH has put down a lot of roots in the Villiage, he is on our church PCC, is a Villiage counsellor and a member of the parish council. We both love the area but it’s hard to find any houses in our budget. The Villiage is tiny so very few houses come up for sale, and most are £1ml+ as they come with lots of land (it’s a farming Villiage so most of the 4 beds have acres of land, which we don’t need!)

DH wants to stay put and do a single story extension (we couldn’t do a double as it would block light either side) and convert the loft into an office as it’s not suitable for a full loft conversion.

I want to move into a different Villiage locally, where houses are a bit more attainable. But still at the very top of our affordability.

My biggest argument against doing the extension is it wouldn’t add much if any value to the house really, as it’s still a small 3 bed up top (2 small doubles and a single) it also wouldn’t address most of our issues regarding a lack of storage and living space.

If we move the type of home we could just about afford in neighbouring villages would have a garage and 4 bedrooms so it could be a more ‘forever’ home

DH is concerned about maxing out our affordability now we have DD and everything is just getting more and more expensive.

What would you do?

YABU - DH is right extend and stay put
YANBU - move and max out your budget

Stay put and declutter. As someone who lived next to horrendous neighbours for years I wouldn't move if I were you.

Sounds like he's happy. You're not.

He values community and the connections he's made.

You're worried about adding value to your house and the cost of taking up decking...

This is still going to cost way less than all the cost of moving.

You could move, spend a fortune and still not be happy and have shit neighbours...

Get rid of stuff you don't need and stay put.

I think if you’re struggling for space as 3 people in a 3 bed you need to look at how much stuff you have and keep in mind that your DC won’t have big toys forever. If I was your DH I’d want to stay too as it’s hard putting roots down.

Declutter first and then assess the situation. Decluttering is a lot cheaper than moving.

You say family stay regular to help with DD, do they need to stay in your house? Is there a specific reason they need to help ? (DD or your health reason etc)? If it's just that they like to visit then they can stay in a local hotel/air b and b etc? Do they come from
faraway ?

there is no reason you can't have an office area and a bit of playroom stuff in a box room. My office area is much smaller than that !

It sounds like he likes the village you not so much.
Replacing conservatory with extension and adding a garden office would add value. Declutter.

Is there anything close to what you want that’s on the market right now? If so, go and look at it. That might make it much clearer.

I’d ignore the lacking of adding extra value to the house, above what you spend.

Stop thinking about money and value. It's a house, but is it a home. If you changed some small things, like getting a garden room/office, using the loft for storage, declutter (and I speak as someone who is in the process of getting rid of 200+ books) you will create space.
Being part of a community is important, your dp sees that, it will help your daughter as an only child to be part of a bigger picture (again I speak from experience, small village, parents and hence me, knew everyone)
Remember the grass is not always greener

Sounds like a classic Kirsty and Phil 'Love it or List it' scenario. The couple almost always seem to decide to 'Love it' - you just need to get Kirsty in to help you reorganise your space and/or plan your extension/garden room/loft conversion.

I’d probably move- adding an extension is expensive at the moment and unlikely to financially be beneficial in the short term.

My biggest argument against doing the extension is it wouldn’t add much if any value to the house really

But life is not all about money and the value of your house. I don't think that's a valid enough argument for uprooting your entire life. It sounds like your husband has built a great life in the village and I don't blame him for not wanting to leave that - it's not his fault if you haven't done the same.

I'd extend and stay put, and try to get more involved in the local community.

So it’s more about leaving the village than the house itself?

Nope. If there was a 4 bed under £750k in the Villiage I’d snap it up.

Can you explore creative options like a study bed which would give you a full size desk and proper bed?

Similarly you can get pull down tables/desks?

Moving costs a lot so I would try and throw money at clever options/clever storage first

I'd clean the house up and plan a better layout of rooms long before I considered banging out tens or hundreds of thousands of pounds on a huge building project or moving. You've got one more bedroom than you need, an unused room, shitloads of garden space (even if it is covered in rat paradise planks) - there's no way that you can't make enough space where you already are.

Don't forget - while the extension/conversion may not add much to the value of the house, getting another house isn't just a free investment either; the average cost of moving is around the £12k mark.

On top of that, as mentioned above, you're rolling the dice on the neighbours.

I'm in the "stay put" camp, quite honestly.

The money I’d give to get Kirsty and Phil round!

you and DH read Marie Kondo ! Problem solved.

tho don’t get how you’ll afford private school if you can’t afford a bigger house but not read the thread

I think IKEA are meant to be releasing a Murphy Bed this year which sounds like it might help you guys. Alternatively, if you build an additional reception room downstairs, could it be set up so that it would also work as a guest room?

I can see your frustration, but I think it would be a shame to lose the community it sounds like is being built. But I can see if you're not involved, then that might not feel like it has that much relevance to you.

If it was me I would stay put but have a massive declutter - and maybe even consider changing existing furniture if necessary, or the layout - and do some basic designs on a bit of graph paper to include an extension and how this might work.

Adding an extension may not improve the value of your house beyond a particular ceiling, but that only matters if you are planning to sell in the near future.

If it’s the fact the cost of the extension won’t add enough value to the home, then you could ask a few local and experienced Estate Agents to come round to value its after the extension is built. They may prove or disprove your belief.

You also really need to do a cost benefit analysis of building vs moving. Finding good reliable builders can be difficult, but at the moment it’s not a good market for sellers.

Id suggest you pursue both ideas, lock down prices and costs for each. Factor in the inconveniences etc.

Have you shown your DH possible houses that would be available? I think you are both trying to make a decision before finding out all the facts.

Sometimes by pursuing the answer in detail, the obvious solution becomes clearer (assuming you both want to make a decision based on logic).

If your conservatory is sound you could add cladding to the roof, we did this and it's gone from being too hot/ too cold/ deafening rain to being perfect as my office. We were so lucky to have done this just before lockdown as I've worked in there ever since!

Our house sounds exactly the same size as yours and we also WFH often. We also have one toddler DC.

We have chosen the move to a 4 bed detached with garage and are so excited for it.

Having a permanent wfh set up for 2 people takes up a lot of space and not being able to have people stay is a real pain.

I would have considered staying if we could extend downstairs living space and had a separate office (garden room or part of the extension), but that's a lot of building work and expense especially these days. It also would have still been a choice between DC having a bigger bedroom than the box or having a spare room for grandparents to stay over (weekly).

It's a shame about your DH's activities, but I'm sure he can find similar in the new village. Not enough reason to stay IMO

DH’s voluntary community activities should have low weighting as a factor IMO.

I would weight school, paid work and cost considerations the highest. From the info in your posts that points towards staying put. Would cost out the private school, ‘renovation’ options such as the attic, single story and garden ‘office’ as the cost of those options could be higher than you’ve guessed.

What about-
massive huge declutter
Budget lift conversion- velux windows, boarding of all floors and walls, painting all surfaces white. I did this, it created a workroom and increased workable area of house by 30 percent. Cost 5k.