Were you liked or disliked at school, and did it have an effect on you?

[symonsays]

I’m just interested. I am only ever (occasionally) in contact with maybe 5 people that I went to school with, and only regularly in contact with one. I notice from social media that many others remained close friends even after university and still socialise together to this day, in large groups. We’re mid 20s for reference.

I always felt a bit of an outsider at school, I had probably 2 very good friends and 5 ‘friends’ but we’d never mix in the same group. I remember very clearly that there was a ‘popular’ group, one for girls and one for boys, the ‘nerdier’ kids who would also be in a group and it seemed that most people did have a group.

Did you? Are you still in contact? Do you think whether you did/didn’t had an effect on you?

I wasn't liked. I wasn't in any group. Didn't have any proper friends - at various points I had the odd person to hang around with, but none of them lasted. So no, I'm not in touch with anyone from school and I would hate to bump into anyone.

There was a thread recently asking if individual MNers had any friends. Is this some kind of plot to identify loners so that the pile-ons can be more effective? I think people are being asked to make themselves more vulnerable than they need to be online.

I’m not in touch with anyone from school, nearly 30 years since I left.

I didn’t have a group of friends there, I was bullied for a variety of reasons… I was fat, I wore glasses, I was intelligent and diligent, I didn’t have fashionable clothes, I didn’t play sport etc.

There is honestly nobody from my class that I’d enjoy meeting now.

I was actively disliked by many of my schoolmates - I came from a village a few miles out of the suburb they all lived in and they thought it was ‘posh’. I didn’t help myself by being a good two shoes and a bit of a teachers pet! When we were 13 our new form teacher decided to select our form captain himself instead of it being a class vote and chose me which went down like a lead balloon. Don’t think I lasted a week before giving up. I had a couple of good friends in high school - also outsiders- but haven’t kept in contact with anyone . It has affected me in that I find it hard to make and maintain friendships - don’t really have any friends right now 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Disliked by 99% of pupils and teachers. Literally had one teacher who stuck up for me ! And one friend (sometimes)
Was called various things mostly ‘weird’ (I was !)
It’s followed me into adult life and I’m disliked and have been told there’s ’something Creepy’ about me and that I’m unnerving to be around and people have a bad feeling about me. At one point I was unfortunate enough to see a letter I wasn’t meant to about me and it described me in a very unpleasant way and how it was a concern how I presented and that my dc needed to be carefully monitored in case of safeguarding issues (literally because I’m unsociable)

Lost contact with most of my good friends at school which I find rather sad. I did put the input but they didn't reply. Have a few less connected friends on FB.

It's a shame as my DM is still friends with a friend she met aged 8 at school and that was 65-66 years ago. Despite living about 160 miles away, they try to see each other twice a year.

Back to the question was I liked or disliked at school - more liked and one of the more sensible ones

Fairly well liked in a low key way. I wasn’t massively popular but I didn’t have enemies. I had a fair amount of teasing bordering on a bit of bullying in younger years (7-9) from boys which did knock my confidence. But life changed dramatically for me in y11. I have friends from school but don’t live in the local area and they’re only on FB which is sad really.

I had basically one friend and I couldn't hang out with her much because she was preoccupied at breaktimes.

Everyone else disliked me. I was a socially awkward, shy and introverted kid. I used to spend breaktimes in alone in the playground and was never picked for partners, teams etc. School trips were hell on earth. It was an awful time and I had some therapy in my early adulthood to help me move on from it.

I didn't have a single friend at school and it affected me very badly at the time and for a few years after I had huge self esteem issues, but things came together for me in my 20s and I'd say I'm pretty unaffected now, other than feeling quite sad for my adolescent self. Not in touch with one soul from those days and no interest in reconnecting.

I was ignored. Everyone liked me but I was quiet and shy. I was leftt out of everything

Not their fault but it did hurt and still does.

I was one of those people that were friendly with everyone across a lot of year groups. I had a few people 3/4 years older looking out for me at school too. I was pretty popular in school and had a solid friendship group. I’m still close friends with 3 out of 5 people within our group.

I’m quite a loud person so I didn’t find it hard to fit in at school. One thing I realised when I left school was that in the real world, not everybody likes loud people. That was definitely something I had to adjust too but other than that, I can’t see how it really impacted my later life if you get what I mean

Not at all, that’s a very cynical view! It’s anonymous and people can name change as they see fit.

I wasn’t in any of the popular gangs but I didn’t struggle socially and always had a “tribe”.

I honestly think being in one of the popular gangs is ultimately more of a curse than a blessing. It has some perks, sure, but usually these gangs are more about PR and politics and most of the “friendships” within these groups are ones of expediency.

If you spend most of your life riding on other people’s coat tails you never learn to develop proper friendships.

I had friends at school and a good social life up to the Upper Sixth. Things happened during the summer term that were mis-represented by the girl concerned and when we went back to school life was very difficult. My social life fell apart and my sister introduced me to a young man who took me to a Valentine’s Day Dance and I met my husband.

I think I was liked by everyone and got on with everyone across all the different groups but never really in the cool gang until I left school and started at college. I'm still very close with my friends from high school (there are 9 of us, some of whom I've known since nursery) and we regularly do days/nights out and trips away. My best friend though I met in college but she's been assimilated into my high school friends.

I was fairly popular and got on with everyone. Was targeted and bullied by a few girls in the year below, weirdly, because boys fancied me and not them (not a humble brag, I had big tits). Still very close to around half a dozen of my school friends despite living 300 miles away.

Was in the 'misfits' at school. DH was in the 'sporties'. DH and I wouldn't send DD there if we were still in the area.

Why would you post that online

Why not ?

I was kinda ignored by the popular girls but I was in a group of great girls and we all loved each other and are still in touch and still find each other good company. We live in different countries but I value their friendships

I'd find that now, people who don't know me may quickly dismiss me but if I work with people long enough/know them long enough, they like me. Eventually. What's not to like. But I think I come across a bit low status.

I was invisible. Rarely actively disliked, but nobody took much interest in me. It's taken me a long time to develop social skills I'm happy with.

I haven’t kept in touch with anyone from school. I had some pals there from time to time but not close friends. I was fairly invisible and remain so in adulthood. No uni friends either. Once I’m out someone’s life I don’t really exist 😂
I have tried keeping in touch when social media came about but there’s no reciprocal effort and I have enough self respect not to bother too much.

I know loads of people to chat with and am never really that lonely. I am liked just easily forgotten

I was on the periphery of most circles but preferred to keep myself to myself on the whole. I could get served in the offy by the time I was 14 so I expect I was handy to know. My two best friends both went to different schools though so fall outs in class didn't bother me that much as I still had people to hang out with.

I had my own group of friends but I wasn’t what you’d call popular.

I went to a very small rural school, so the pot of people I could know was tiny, really.

I was fine. I was a little young for my years socially, but not at all academically. People really disliked that I could get good marks. So I got accused of thinking I was better than everyone else, and that has made me very careful not to ever do that. (I actually think that's turned out a positive effect on me, even though it was difficult at the time, obviously. I'm in my 50s so have had a long time to mull it over.)

I had friends, but for a couple of years in the middle I had very few friends because someone I thought was a friend spread a lie about me and it kind of stuck. I find I'm angrier about that now than I was at the time. I kind of went into this very practical state of thinking, ok well I will simply do x,y,z and not interact or react. As these things do, it fizzled out, and we became friends again, and the worst people left school early anyway, but wow what a headfuck for a couple of years.

However in that time I read a lot, I listened to a lot of music, I wrote, I was pretty creative actually! Fuck that person, she never had anything like the positive effect on me that those couple of years did.

Then my last two years were great, I went out a lot and had a lot of friends. But 'a lot' doesn't mean a lot in a rural setting, where everyone knows everyone. I'm only really Facebook friends now with them but I think back fondly.

Then I went to university and left my family (a positive for me) and that's when life really started. Not that it's been easy, I am definitely prone to monitoring if people like me or not, over thinking a lot about interactions, and all that is probably because of school. But on the other hand when I meet people with whom I hit it off, it goes well and I have friendships that are decades long, just not with people from school.