Were you liked or disliked at school, and did it have an effect on you?

[symonsays]

I’m just interested. I am only ever (occasionally) in contact with maybe 5 people that I went to school with, and only regularly in contact with one. I notice from social media that many others remained close friends even after university and still socialise together to this day, in large groups. We’re mid 20s for reference.

I always felt a bit of an outsider at school, I had probably 2 very good friends and 5 ‘friends’ but we’d never mix in the same group. I remember very clearly that there was a ‘popular’ group, one for girls and one for boys, the ‘nerdier’ kids who would also be in a group and it seemed that most people did have a group.

Did you? Are you still in contact? Do you think whether you did/didn’t had an effect on you?

I had people I would sit with at lunch that tolerated me. They didn’t really like me though. Definitely affected self esteem. I can remember the first day of school, one of the popular girls (who was actually kind to me) had the same new bag as me. I actually felt bad for her because she would be teased about having the same bag as someone like me. I made friends once I went to work. I think that my school was just the wrong place for me. I still don’t have hoards of friends and I don’t make them easy but I have couple good friends now and am happy with that.

I’ve realised as an adult that I’m autistic, which explains a lot.

Porcuine20 I suspect that applies to a lot of us!

There are (and always have been) some very unpleasant people posting on mumsnet. It wouldn't surprise me at all if 'a massive conspiracy' was going on.

You poor thing, that's bloody awful!

Are you neurodivergent by any chance?

I mask to shit but I also do a lot of weird shit at home. 😁 sorry that was a joke about me, not you. I struggled a lot to make friends at school and was bullied too. I feel like they could tell I was different from them. 😪

I do have friends now but I've wittled it down to a select few as I used to have some unhealthy relationships.

I went to a girls school. I’m still best friends with one person from then and wasn’t particularly liked at school (people wanted to be my friend, but not for reasons I appreciated) and so only had a few close girl friends.

On the other hand, I’m still very close with at least a dozen of the boys from the local boys school.

Hasn’t really affected me as an adult tbh in terms of happiness etc. that being said I’m closer to my male colleagues than female, I lived with guys (as the only girl) in my university accommodation after first year etc. I think it affects peoples perception of me more than having an actual impact on me in any way

I realised that straight away when I read your post that you might be ND. Funny how we recognise each other but some of the NT are quick to be like. Shouldn't you change yourself? I mean like honestly...

I could tell reading it that it wasn't true that you're awful or anything. I was treated differently as undiagnosed adhd person. And if you tell people you're ND they are like ohhhh that explains it but god forbid you're just different and you must be horrible because you aren't walking to the beat of their drum...

I remember one girl in school and we got talking in drama. And she was like, actually you're alright! And I was like, I know I am, if people gave me a chance they just judge me... it's so bloody sad to be made to feel this way.

At my all girls grammar school I was popular enough to be voted form captain two years running and I think it was because I was kind and funny. I wasn't cliquey or cool and maybe that made me likeable.

I'm not in touch with anyone from school now but that's probably because we mostly dispersed across the country.

Not liked. I don't trust people.

I hated school and the friendships were so hard to navigate. I wasn’t in the popular group and was bullied terribly. I still speak to one person from school ( she was in the ‘popular’ group) when we reconnected she actually apologised to me for not intervening and standing up for me more at the time. She said everyone was jealous of me ( I’m not sure why!)

anyway, I saw one of the girls who made my life a misery living in the street in the city yesterday. I felt horrible for her even though she tried to destroy me.

I found my people at university and at choir and through work and then other mums. I would never attend a school reunion!

I’m mildly ND but very sociable. I just don’t do groups of women. I could never understand how quickly they can turn on each other. Also the structure of social groups can be irritating. Always a Queen Bee with her henchwomen ready to back her up and bully for her.
Having read a great deal about how we group together socially it’s really fascinating to watch in real life. I love people watching and can pick out the various members of a group of women easily.

Although I’m aware of my ND and do mask it successfully in my profession, it has left me with a poor social life. Although DH claims that it is my intelligence that puts people off. I can be confident in social situations but sometimes I just love to be quiet and watch what is going on around me.

I actually think that my problem is down to intermittent loss of hearing as a toddler until I was 6 or 7. Not only do you learn to speak but you also learn to listen. I struggle with processing sound and speech if I can’t see someone’s face. I rely on facial expression and lip movement to process speech. I can clearly hear what is said but need to use the movement of the face to fully process it. Covid was hell with everyone behind masks.
I actually work in PPE, as does my nurse, most of the time I can hear her but if she talks too fast ( which she does) I struggle. We adapt by using non verbal cues.

As a result of the hearing issue I struggle in groups and end up feeling overwhelmed with multiple conversations. It took me years to work out why it was a struggle, but made the connection when I had DS, because he had similar chronic ear problems. Nowadays they are aware of how intermittent hearing loss can impact on processing.

DS like me was very quiet as a youngster, his teachers realised he responded better when seated at the front where he could see the teachers face. He had grommets placed and his adenoids removed and we saw a massive improvement. He still has the same habit as me of ignoring you if you ask him a question stood behind him or when he’s in a different room.

When you struggle to hear everything you zone out easily which comes across as being an uninterested, not good when trying to establish friendships.

Thank you @SillyLemonZebra

I went to a new secondary school halfway through and found it hard to fit in. Was not hated, but not overly liked either. The school was poor at helping new pupils. Around a year in, I grew a bit more into my somewhat unfortunate looks and got quite a bit of lad attention which left me baffled. I would get asked out but why would I want to go out with someone who was horrible to me previously because my looks didn't pass muster.

I always remember one girl used to encourage my so called friends to run away from me when I came outside for lunchbreak. The realisation I had no-one was pretty awful and I just went and got a bus home and no-one, including staff, even noticed. School was not a happy memory for me and I did not keep in touch with anyone. I remain wary of people even now.