Were you liked or disliked at school, and did it have an effect on you?

[symonsays]

I’m just interested. I am only ever (occasionally) in contact with maybe 5 people that I went to school with, and only regularly in contact with one. I notice from social media that many others remained close friends even after university and still socialise together to this day, in large groups. We’re mid 20s for reference.

I always felt a bit of an outsider at school, I had probably 2 very good friends and 5 ‘friends’ but we’d never mix in the same group. I remember very clearly that there was a ‘popular’ group, one for girls and one for boys, the ‘nerdier’ kids who would also be in a group and it seemed that most people did have a group.

Did you? Are you still in contact? Do you think whether you did/didn’t had an effect on you?

At primary I had friends, but there were a lot of fall-outs and dramas. There was also a (different) group of girls who took a dislike to me and I got a bit bullied. At secondary I was a bit 'out crowd', but I did have a nice group of friends and am still in touch with a couple of them. At sixth form college I was on the periphery of a group and struggled socially a bit.
The common denominator is, I think, the feeling of not quite fitting in, which probably has lingered into my adult consciousness.

I was strongly disliked. As an adult I look back at what caused me to lose all self esteem, and whilst there's blame in the family home as well (one of my siblings was abusive) I do look at what happened to me in secondary school like What The Actual Fuck Was That? I was disabled and took endless shit not just off kids either. It wore me down.

I was liked and fairly popular because I was bright, good at sport and easy going. I got on with most people because I'm pretty cheerful and liked a good time and my whole year group were a good mix of folks who mostly hung out together. I come from a small town where everyone knew each other and it wasn't really cliquey.

I'm not in touch with any of my old friends now. It's 40 odd years since I left school and we've now got adult DC and I guess some are grandparents. Our lives moved on once we all went off to separate universities.

There wasn't the internet, mobile phones or social media when we were young. You just lost touch with people unless you both made massive efforts to keep in touch.

I think I was liked. I'm 53 and still in touch with many school friends, about 10 quite often, 30odd on FB. Both male and female. My current bf is an old school friend who we re connected by FB.
About 10 of us stayed in touch despite some going travelling, some going university and some going straight into work. We all went to each others weddings, our partners became friends and we all still meet up. Our kids have been friends over the years and still are as adults. It's lovely. I speak to my best friend from school every day. My other best friend stayed in Aus after we travelled there but we are in contact constantly on FB. We travelled together for years 18-24 and I love her to bits, her husband too who travelled with us. He was 60 last week and I'm looking forward to seeing them both next weekend. She moved to Surrey and I'm still in London but we still get together.
Sadly a couple of school friends have died. We do still remain a close group. I'm thankful to still have my friends from school age - some don't even look any different!!

I had plenty of friends in school, in different groups, and generally got on alright with most people but was below the radar of the popular crowd.
I'm not good at keeping in touch with people though unless I see them regularly and I left the country. I keep in touch somewhat on facebook with a fair few from my school days, and will get together with at least one friend every time I visit but I don't talk regularly with anyone from those days.

I'm in school again now, adult education, and its interesting watching the social dynamics, the little cliques that form. But everyone gets on alright in general - not like teenagers!

I was badly bullied from infants school up until the last two years of secondary school when I had loads of friends. I had a condition which was beyond my control which I was born with which made me someone to be avoided. Won’t put anymore information about this too embarrassing. My brother bullied me too. It has left me with a life long feeling of inferiority and shyness. The medical condition was eventually cured by surgery. Children can be cruel.

I realised about 10 years ago that my superpower I that I'm likable. Throughout school and most of my life I've had a large group of friends but not really best friends with a single person.

at school I deliberately stood out from the crowd dressing in a distinctive way (we had no school uniform). This (and the awful verbal abuse my mates and I gave each other) has given me a very tough skin and I often in social or work groups make myself the butt of the jokes when I can see others not enjoying the banter.

I wad very much disliked, save a few people. It made me an angry child and a cynical adult. However, it also has made me hugely resilient and very empathetic towards other people's situations. I am opinionated and vocal and towards the end of my teenage years, I revelled in being the one who stood out. As an adult I don't really care what anyone else thinks. I cut those out who are toxic or threaten my piece. I wouldn't change a thing.

What an interesting thread.

I definitely wasn’t popular but had a string of a few one to one friends iyswim, when friend went off me, I had no friends until I became someone else’s best friend as it were.

I always felt I was down the pecking order, not one of the popular ones. Wasn’t disliked as such, but overlooked.

Yes it has affected me. Always trying to fit in and be approved of.

Always feel I gave lots of acquaintances but not many close friends.

I was lucky enough to have the same best friend throughout junior and secondary school so I didn't care if I was liked or not.l by other people.

I was liked by the teachers because I was a swot.

I lost my slightly older sibling the year before I started high school. I then went on to the local comprehensive that had a bad reputation. I started with about 5 others from my primary. 3 girls that I had been friendly with but not bestows decided to that it would be a great laugh to make fun out of my trauma. I stayed strong and I didnt react but deep down in hurt bad. They laid off by year 10. I was not in the popular group nor in what was called the loners group. I was friends with most but not close friendships.

I've gone into adulthood the same. I don't have any real friends, can't call on anyone in a tome of need. I don't really understand it, I'm very popular at work and was very popular amongst the boys yet don't make true friends.

I've bumped into some of my high school foes in recent years and they are oblivious to what they did!

Looking back, I was actually more popular than I realised at the time...

I was a weirdo. so picked on a bit for that; but I was a Nice weirdo, so most people actually thought I was ok.

Primary school I had a great time. Lower secondary went a bit screwy. Upper secondary worked its way out of terrible into ok, and 6th form was surprisingly fine.

Yeah, I spent a long time thinking no-one wanted to talk to me.

sometimes a lack of self-awareness can help you have more friends. YOu ring twenty people and say want to go to the cinema? and finally number 20 says, ok.
I know a woman my age (50s) who is still like this, always out. always posting it on facebook, she looks so popular, so surrounded by friends, but I don't think she really ''connects'' when she talks to people. there's no reciprocal exchange going on and she doesn't make people feel seen. But.....out ever night of the week and surrounded by people.

Natural trailblazer at school, had plenty of friends I think because I was confident to push the boundaries for more. Opted out of the popular group when they invited me - I didn’t like their attitude. I don’t really see any of them now, I left the area. I’d not be concerned to see them, in fact I’d be happy to find out how they are doing.

I’ve a few on social media still I think, although not many really. I don’t think it impacted me really, I hope they felt I was invested in them. People aren’t always along for the whole ride of life.

@ganymedeInafuse you poor thing - what a horrible experience. I hope you also have some nice people around you.

I was neither popular nor unpopular (I hope 😬). I didn't have many friends because I'm shy at heart, didn't trust other females (family issues) and didn't have social skills.

Things aren't much better now 😂

I was bullied unmercifully at secondary school. I was a quiet, hardworking girl from a small village,and the local secondary school was dog rough. I was picked on for being quiet,being clever,being stupid,being ugly,and being 'posh' by both girls and boys. One even encouraged her younger siblings in the year below to physically attack me. I hated it and was thoroughly miserable. Things improved slightly for the last two years,when another school merged with ours and I was moved into a class where I barely knew anyone. I left school at 16,even though I was capable of A levels,as I couldn't wait to leave. I didn't go to uni either.

I'm only in touch with one person from my time at school. I think that I've always been a bit 'off' socially as I'm not sure how to act with friends as I didn't have any for so many years. For years I distrusted anyone who was nice to me,as I was waiting for them to betray me. If I'm honest,being bullied has had a lifelong effect on my self confidence and relationships with other people.

I was bullied at school for being overweight. Really nasty bullying.

I did have friends though, and did well at school but I was affected by it a lot to this day

christ.

im all for being true to one’s self but have you ever considered that you might need to make a few changes?

I had friends in school, but I’m no longer in close contact with anyone although I keep in touch through SM. I have about ten good friends now, all female and all within 5 years of my age. I was bullied by some boys in my class between the ages of 11-14 which had a lasting effect on me. They used to say I was ugly and fat (I was neither). It made me fear men but be desperate to be found attractive by them, and led me into some unpleasant situations and relationships.

I was popular at school. I dated the popular boys, I was never bullied. Lucky, basically.
I also NEVER picked on anyone and detested bullies.
I also had a raging eating disorder and had terrible anxiety which I carry to this day. I was very much the girl who put a face on for the crowds but who underneath was very confused and sad.

No - just because I’m disliked by the majority doesn’t mean the majority is correct.

I have a small and genuine circle of true friends now, not many but I won’t complain because it definitely is quality over quantity.

I can see the issues that cause / caused me to be perceived the way I was and I can’t change those ! (ASD black woman). I chose to move away from the area I grew up in and where I lived initially - I changed my dc school after what was written about me (and was based on me not being there often at drop off / pick up - I work !!! So therefore ‘having no relationship with other parents and not engaging in school life and the children not socialising out of school with their peers ‘ (eg pta and events) and just being different ! So no I feel absolutely no need to change

I do , thankyou