"Holiday" with toddlers

[RaisingFlames]

I've just returned from a week in the sun with DH and our 2 DS (3 & 2). I honestly feel more burnt out now than I did before we went. My mental health is genuinely in tatters, I'm so stressed out!

Maybe it's an age and stage thing as we've been away before and it was fine, but this time.... Constant moaning/tantrums, neither one listening to a word we said, took an hour to get out the door most days, fought sleep like it was the enemy. DH and I had no downtime at all and we were both tired and grumpy the whole time.

AIBU to think that holidays aren't worth the expense with such young kids?

I wouldn't do a sun holiday with toddlers, too stressful. My kids HATE being hot so are miserable and they barely have a pigment between them so I have to jetwash them in sunblock every couple of hours.

These threads seem to crop up weekly on MN and I honestly don't get it.
We have full on very intense jobs, juggle nursery/school/clubs/Hobbies/friends and family.
Holidays are absolutely bliss in comparison! We have DS6 and DD3 so full on used to toddler trips and it's been the absolute favourite times of my life. Have never used kids clubs as work long hours so family trips are to have fun together.
We've done Mallorca, Menorca, Salou, Portugal, Holland, Belgium, Disneyland Paris x 4, CenterParcs x 4, lots and lots of weekend breaks and caravans. It's literally my reason for working. We have Florida booked this year for their first long haul. Can honestly say I've never experienced anything negative about holidays (usual niggles of course).

I had 5, so I don’t think it’s that she has a single. Different people like different things.

We are going away this week with our 3 year old. I have absolutely no expectation that I will be able to relax or have anything resembling a holiday like I had pre child. I know at no point will I be able to sit and enjoy a cocktail at sunset or lay by a pool. I’m not expecting her to be grateful or even excited. I am looking forward to spending time with her, and making some memories for me. We’ve applied the same logic to UK breaks and it’s always seemed to work well. Just adding in the added stress factor of the heat!

Yes @TomeTome but I'm not sure that the PP needed to give the rest of us a monologue on how we were doing it wrong, whereas she had got it right. Some people are lucky to have chilled kids that adapt and can be taken anywhere. No hassle. that's not necessarily the norm though and It's sheer bloody luck not superior parenting whatever we may like to tell ourselves!

You have confirmed my hypothesis.

we have 2 under 3 we are doing a week in Norfolk later this year and honestly that’s my limit.

i do agree to some extent. When you have one child you tend to think you are creating a lot more of their behaviour than you are. That said I don’t think it’s about how chilled the kids are, more what you are expecting it to be like.

I always enjoy taking my dcs on holiday but I'm a sahm so I'm used to having them all day. Holidays are a bit easier for me as we always go away with DH so there are 2 of us rather than just me. And we have a bigger age gap so I've only got one toddler and a primary aged child. I do find holidays tiring but our weekends and days are always active anyway and we thrive on lots of adventures as a family. This year we've done Florida, Legoland, Alton Towers and Center Parcs, and we've got Cornwall and Belgium later this year.

My solution when they were little was to book a cruise with good kids clubs.

I was guaranteed a lay in as they were collected from the cabin door for breakfast at 7.

I was guaranteed a two hour morning slot for me to have coffee or do a fitness class

And I was guaranteed a slot right after teatime to allow adults to enjoy a quiet evening meal.

Bliss. I was revived enough to enjoy shore excursions with them too.

Lots of single parents were also enjoying this added childcare. It's a very supported holiday and the children absolutely adored the clubs. It's all they would talk about.

It was a long time ago with Thompson who are now Tui

This! I've been heavily pulled up for my comment as I only have one.

More details: I am 4.5 months pregnant and just did long haul with DS 18 months to Mexico. I can assure the people saying 'oh bless you it's really easy with one'

As I said in my first comment I work 5 days a week, so does DH, no family support (home or on holiday), so we love going away. Admittedly that's the last long haul one until the kids are older...

Call us crazy but we are planning to use parental leave to travel around Europe with the two DSs when they're 6 mos and 2.5 years next year.

I know at least 2 people who have done the above. Working comes at a cost, yes we progress our careers and provide security but we are missing out on so much time with them. The holiday just gone is my purpose for working - I felt so happy away with DS and DH. We had budget for more babysitting but two 3 hour blocks in 10 days was plenty for us with the naps. It's All about spending time with DS and having a break from the office/conference calls.

We will continue to go abroad come what may when there are 2 DSs (24 months apart) albeit not long haul, maybe more babysitting in the day. Evening wise DS sleeps in his buggy, we might not get so lucky with DS2.

You sound like you have somewhat of negative mindset. I already highlighted in my first post I have one child and noted the difference. So fill points for repeating my point.

I was also not saying anyone was doing it wrong at all. Strange conclusion to reach.

I merely shared the changes we made to get through. This btw with one child but a 6 hour time difference, 10 hour flight and I'm pregnant.

I still would do it all over again, even with an over tired VERY energetic 19month DS. Your incorrect hypothesis that he is chilled is a strange assumption.

We did Eurocamp to France last summer with a toddler. It was all quite low key: playing at various playgrounds which I suppose you could do at home, really. Went to the pool (again, you could do that at home). Enjoyed nice wine and pastries.

I suppose for me it feels like a break because there's two adults, so you can alternate who is "on" and who is reading a book/relaxing. Normally DH is at work!

It isn’t crazy if you enjoy it and if you do have a child who just sleeps anywhere. I don’t think either of mine have been notably difficult and I’d go as far as to say DD (9.5 months) is easy, but she isn’t a baby who will just nod off in the pushchair as DH and I sip wine and enjoy an evening meal and DS definitely wasn’t.

What puts me off though is the paraphernalia you need with under 3s: pushchairs and car seats and high chairs and changing bags and making up bottles for babies and swim nappies and stressing about sunburn and so on.

We went to a cottage in wales when DS was about four months which was obviously for us rather than him although as earnest first time parents we dutifully took him to various castles and so on 😂 We went to Northern Ireland when he was ten months and that was nice but stressful as we were all very sick on the ferry and holding a ten month old as he vomited on me while I also chucked up into a bag is not an experience I will ever wish to repeat! Next holiday was Centre Paris just after he turned one and we got married then and moved house so next holiday wasn’t until he was nearly 2, cottage in the Lake District and it was nice: we did Beatrix potter and an aquarium, boat trip and some nice (short!) walks. Then last year we did CP and wales again. I had DD last summer and haven’t ventured further than CP.

I am looking forward to going abroad when they are a bit older but right now it just wouldn’t be enjoyable. We’re planning a safari for when DH and I turn 50 though and the children will be 10 and 7

we didn’t do anything particularly exciting but I think as my expectations in the first place were so low, it exceeded all of them!

I think this is the trick!

Also, I can remember a big family summer trip aged 3 (nearly 4, to be fair).

Same here. Traumatized by some shit holidays in Cornwall including a super windy day blowing sand in my baby’s face. Driving for miles and miles to find a softplay and Calpol. Paying ridiculous money for overpriced fish and chips.
never ever again. I’d rather take an Easyjet flight at 6am 😂 at least I will have sunshine and decent food for good prices 😂

Unless you’re taking a a nanny, extended family or willing to bang them in a kids club it’s going to be very expensive hard work. 3 and 2 is just horrendous and two together… no wonder you’re fed up. We’ve got three dc, 3, 9 and 10 and find all types of holidays very stressful. We go for the kids really

So like a few previous posters for me I love holidays. I work FT so does DH. So a few days where I am not cooking or cleaning and we can just BE is great. Yes, of course the lack of routine is a pain etc. But we live in a big US city so our kids are used to spending their weekends in the city so we have done ‘city trips’ since they were young. Have breakfast, do a museum for a bit (usually a kid’s trail), then snack, go to a park and play, have lunch, then a nap. Then head out for some activity, then another hot chocolate break, then do something kid friendly in that city, dinner and bed. Did they whine? Sure? Did I sometimes get exhausted? Uh huh.
And no they don’t remember it but they learned to travel, they learned to be out of their comfort zone a bit, hear new languages, meet people, be exposed to the world a bit. Our first trip was to Manhattan and we then did Chicago and San Francisco and Toronto. And then when they were a bit bigger we took them to London and Paris. And we have now done a lot of Europe. The thing is that it’s not like the holidays DH and I did when we were young, or child free. Absolutely not. And it isn’t always magical or whatever. There was that one trip to Prague or something where one child just ate bread and nothing else. But we do like being together and doing things. So when we got lost on the Berlin subway and kept going around in circles the kids remember it to this day (and can imitate DH and me and arguing with each other as we ended up at Alexanderplatz for the third bloody time).

We also did holidays close to home where we drove somewhere and we would do a big hike a day for 7-8 days and then they would play in the hotel pool in the evening etc. We still do this and we are off doing this in California for 12 days this summer. (We live in the US). For our hiking holidays we would do lots of searches before hand to find kid friendly trails. Did they whine? Uh huh. Did we have to keep them going? Yes and yes. Do we try and throw in a couple of beach days to break it up. Sure! But having done it year or year since the older one was 2-2.5 it’s now a family tradition and the kids join in the planning.

We're doing a lodge in the countryside with nearly 3 year old that worked well last year. Lots of time outdoors which he loves, we'll take the bikes and his balance bike. See to our own meals etc.

I know my son wouldn't do well going abroad so I'm not even bothering to try it. Everyone would be stressed out. Plenty of time for that when he's older.

Also we have done a lot of long haul flights mainly because my parents live nearly 30 hours away by flight from us. So we travelled every year to see them esp as they got older and couldn’t travel such vast distances. Was it fun being stuck in a metal tube with a toddler? No. But the more they travelled the better they got at it basically.
The thing is that now they are almost 8 and 13 and great to travel with but they have had a LOT of experience at doing this. And being able to travel and show them the world is a huge huge huge privilege so I am always aware of it.

I think it depends on your expectations. I went on a lovely holiday to Thailand with a 8mth baby and a 2yr old. I did find parts of it stressful and I couldn't do so many excursions as I was still breast feeding but I went with my parents, brother and friends so some of load was shared.

On the whole though you have to be in the mindset of family holiday not luxury break.

I wish to god I was relaxed enough to do that sort of thing. Before I had kids I was on holiday and there was a mother absolutely hysterical because the kids club had lost her four year old. Put me off so never used them with any of my kids.

3ynd 2ywill barely remember!
A day trip just as memorable at that age!!

I completely agree with you and this is why we don't have holidays right now. We might have a weekend or two away a year and that's hard. Mine are 3&7 though so possibly shouldn't be so hard still but that's how it is.

Mine are 4 and 10, currently away for a long weekend and last week, I didn't even want to come because of the constant bickering at home.

Now we are away, it's just crap! DD4 won't sleep, constantly being a tired, grumpy git but doesn't get sleep would really help! DS10 is just being a whiney git too for no apparent reason!
DH doesn't know where anything is, well neither do I as we're not at home!

I just want to go home and never go on holiday with these kids again, ever!