"Holiday" with toddlers

[RaisingFlames]

I've just returned from a week in the sun with DH and our 2 DS (3 & 2). I honestly feel more burnt out now than I did before we went. My mental health is genuinely in tatters, I'm so stressed out!

Maybe it's an age and stage thing as we've been away before and it was fine, but this time.... Constant moaning/tantrums, neither one listening to a word we said, took an hour to get out the door most days, fought sleep like it was the enemy. DH and I had no downtime at all and we were both tired and grumpy the whole time.

AIBU to think that holidays aren't worth the expense with such young kids?

They're unlikely to remember any of it!

Agree op and you don't know what safety is like etc.
Our best holiday with young dc was efteling theme park

Agree with you. If you are expecting to lie by a pool/beach and read books, or go to interesting historical attractions/ museums, it won't happen. But you can minimise by choosing something that works with kids that age. We did a lot of cottages in the countryside and just visiting national trust and English heritage sites so the kids could run round the gardens and be bribed with a biscuit in the cafe. Then when they were asleep DH and I could unwind with a bottle of wine.

We also tried to make sure DH and I each gave each other at least one hour a day to go and do something alone so we each had some downtime.

Also, frankly, let the kids watch much more tv than normal on holiday

Never understood this. The different location bit if it has always made up for any other annoyances for me.

Holidays with children have been at a slower pace and with more planned food stops but still been about seeing the places we want to see and enjoying the new places we want to see.

I loved holidays with teenies. You (imo) need a big resort hotel with a pool but it’s just the best memories.

Agree with you. If you are expecting to lie by a pool/beach and read books, or go to interesting historical attractions/ museums, it won't happen.
Lie by the pool is definitely restricted although we try to give each other opportunities to do this. But the historical attractions and museums we have always insisted on still doing. If there's some whinging about it there's always the bribery of ice-cream to follow.

One of our best holidays was when dc were similar ages.

we were tied to school holidays back then due to DH’s job but this particular year we went back later after Easter than lots of areas. We booked a Siblu caravan somewhere near Bordeaux and paid for most of it with Tesco vouchers. Flights were ridiculously cheap, the hire car was only about £100 for the weak.

It was so cheap I just couldn’t get my hopes up, in the end it was fabulous! The site had a big lake with a sandy beach and the playgrounds were perfect. Some days it was reasonably warm and sunny, some days were overcast and we had a couple of downpours in the evenings.

the boys had their own bedroom and we took a blackout blind to help keep it nice and dark. We paid about £30 extra to have a caravan with air conditioning and a deck. The air conditioning warmed the van up quickly in the chilly mornings and cooled it when the sun came out, the deck was a safe space for the kids to play without getting wet or dirty.

we didn’t do anything particularly exciting but I think as my expectations in the first place were so low, it exceeded all of them!

We’ve only ever done cottage UK holidays and centre parcs and it’s gone well. Won’t be venturing abroad for a long time!

For anyone interested in our successful 10 day holiday with 18 month DS, here is why:

Entertainment - kids activities we took him to, kids club we took him to ourselves and supervised him, resort had option of babysitter which we hired twice for 3 hours each time to play with him in kids club so we could go to spa.

Naps - had 2 hours a day of naps, sometimes a long lunch nap and sometimes back to two naps as he was so overstimulated he got over tired, fast.

Routine - did away with it and just followed DS lead so he didn't get over tired, was all inclusive so we ate as and when.

Teamwork - one day I woke up having had awful sleep, after lunch DH took DS and I went for a nap on the beach and vice versa when DH went to gym.

Getting stuck in - the best way to parent on holiday is to become a child, was happy playing in the kids club with him, reading stories, playing sandcastles and swimming. As soon as I tried to sit on my phone, I was frustrated as he would run off.

No rules - when I did want to have a time out the iPad came out, more often than not towards the end. Lenient on food - don't we all do that away? DS had pizza or soup everyday for lunch and chips for dinner. Also came into our bed most nights. None of this flies at home.

We had a great time and there were lots of toddlers on the flight and at the resort!

We loved holiday with our toddlers but we plannd around their need 90% of the time. And did had high expertations. We did great.
We have done farms, city breaks, country stays, sun & beach - all kind of holidays.
We did toddler holidays twice as 3rd child is much younger than 1st and 2nd.

Definitely hard work but I still enjoyed holidays with my now 6 year old. We've done lots of trips away. You Definitely have to lower your expectations though. He loves kids clubs with being an only child, so somewhere with a good kids club is a bonus

@lpylou ah bless you. It's very easy with one as we all know but the OP has two with a small age gap, different ball game.

My kids are the same age (slightly older) and after a vastly expensive and disastrous week at Sani we decided to stick to staycations for a few years. We now either do Centerparcs or AirBnBs, a maximum of 60 minutes drive from us. We call them "same shit different shovel" holidays

A washing machine, separate bedrooms and at least one kids' TV channel are all essential in my book. Otherwise we'd be better off staying at home.

I was thinking this!

Yanbu.
holidays with young kids are exhausting and stressful.
i think of it as “a change is almost as good as a rest” and doing it helps them to build up to managing holidays better as they get older.

I disagree that they don't remember any of it. My just turned 3 year old is very chatty and we returned home from a break over Easter. She has brought up things from the holiday a few times since we were back, particularly animals she saw for the first time in the zoo. She also took a bit of a tumble from the climbing frame and has become quite nervy now with climbing where she wasn't before- unfortunately that has also gone into her long term memory!

On a serious note though I'm sure the memories will fade but that feeling of happy times with all her family together must remain. We gave up on the pool sunlounger type holidays when our first was little though as it wasn't relaxing with young ones, and now prioritise day day exploring type trips from a hotel base with hotel swimming in the evenings.

We learnt that AI with a kids club works best for our toddler and preschooler. It's definitely something we are new to and needed somewhere with a good number of dining options for us but it worked well. We could spend most of the day in the pools then youngest would have a nap in the afternoon and they were both so knackered after the kids entertainment that they fell asleep in 10 minutes!

Compared to the stress of doing our usual and self catering it was blissful so think this will be us til youngest is at least 6.

Doesn’t matter if they don’t remember any of it. I always find that a strange viewpoint. The point is how enjoyable it is at the time and that keeps a positive emotion that will stay with them even if they don’t remember it. My DD loves baby sensory but won’t remember it - I still do it because she enjoys it now!

At that age Neilson holidays are amazing because of the kids clubs. Even an hour a day is worth it to actually recharge, DS is 10 and still enjoys a kids club for a few hours of organised fun.

If you want down time, you either need somewhere with kids clubs or take it in turns

We did UK holidays after one pointless all inclusive abroad. Cornwall. Lakes. Norfolk. Beach. Self catering. We took parents so we shared the kids, they had time with their grandkids and we had some time off. A nice meal somewhere fancy to make it feel like a holiday.

Now they're 7 and 9 we're backpacking and doing proper travel like we used to.

Love it. They're so much fun to explore with.

But we have never been all inclusive, resort types.

For me at that age i was working and really missed them so the "holiday" was just the being with them and enjoying them, and being off work.

We focussed on making it easy - went to places like center parcs to minimise long journeys, did lots of easy meals/meals out so no cooking to think about - and easy familiar food options so no stressful meal times. In CP they totally cater for a "make it easy with a toddler" mindset - soft plays in restaurants, crayons and colouring sheets provided, really good toddler area in pool etc.

Having simple, realistic expectations is key. Its time away from:

• work
• your own messy house
• having to cook all the meals

...but not time off from parenting a toddler.

Oh and it doesn't last long. By the time they are 4&6 etc we did long haul sun & all had a great time.

I get it. OH and I take young GC x 4 away every year for a UK beach and caravan holiday. Usually quite hard work, but fine. Last year we went to Greece. It was a nightmare and I'm still traumatised. I've said never again abroad until they're a lot older

Quite a few posters here said they had successful holidays abroad with 1 child- 2 parents and 1 child (so you get a break if the other person has them / they are napping etc) is VERY different to 2 + children dragging you in different directions (literally!), waking each other up, wanting different food, bickering etc etc, even with 2 adults it’s mentally and physically exhausting when they are younger