To think it’s not ‘cruel’ to take DD to the gym at 7.30am

[Eastie77Returns]

I attend an early gym class every Saturday morning. I leave the house around 7am.

I leave DS and DD at home with DP. He takes DS to football practice around 9am and DD tags along but she has become increasingly unhappy about having to go. I therefore gave her 2 other choices: come to the gym with with me or stay at home alone for 10/15 minutes as I’m home from the gym by 9.15-am latest. This morning I asked her what she wanted to do (I gave her the options earlier in the week so she had time to consider). She began complaining loudly saying none of the options were good ones and she just wanted me to stay at home with her. I explained that I was not prepared to miss my class and in the end she decided to come with me. As we were leaving DP began muttering that’s it’s unfair and cruel to drag her to a gym at the crack of dawn when Saturday morning should be her down time.

If it makes any difference, it’s a David Lloyd gym. DD is a member and she enjoyed a breakfast in the restaurant area and read a book while I did my class. She played with another girl in the play area and the two of them have signed up for a taster kids class so she was fine. But I’ve now received a text from my dad saying he’s heard (obviously from DP) from that “poor DD is being dragged to a gym on Saturdays” so she can stay with him on Friday evenings if she prefers. Obviously I would be expected to drop off and pick her up. I said no.

AIBU to think this is a load of fuss about absolutely nothing?

Oh please.
Social service in UK got 7917658 more important case than secondary school age child who would like to chill with mum at home. MN is obsessed with social service and how every minor inconvenience for a child is a cause for referral.

OP you are setting great healthy example for your DD. Self care is important. She needs to learn for you that women do not need to put their needs last and cater to everyone else.
You can maybe do some activity she likes after gym so two of you have Saturdays as girl dates?
My DD is too young for that but DS already loves doing "our" things.

YANBU. She is part of a family and has three options - join you for your activity, join her dad and brother for their activity, or wait at home for 15 mins alone. She’s not ready for that last option yet, and that’s fine, but you are allowed to do something that is just for you. If your DH is that bothered by it he can leave later and drive DS to football so your DD isn’t left alone.

Going against what OP obviously wants to hear but I think it’s pretty selfish and yeah YABU

“jeaux90 · Today 13:54

1. I agree OP it's ok for her to be left alone at 11 for 15 mins.
2. a couple more years and she can come into the classes with you at DL
3. However...
4. a couple more years and she will probably be like my DD15 and will still be asleep by the time you get back
5. women are not support humans for useless men, your DH needs to stop being a prick”

This.

And this:

“OP you are setting great healthy example for your DD. Self care is important. She needs to learn for you that women do not need to put their needs last and cater to everyone else.”

I do think 11 is plenty old enough to be left alone at home for a short time - definitely worth exploring why it bothers her.

Not the point of this thread but, overall, your partner sounds like a bit of a waste of space.

She was given choices and she made one.

DP's refusal to drive is jolly convenient. For him.

Unless your 'partner' has something useful to offer - like taking a proper share of parental responsibility - he can fuck off with his opinions. He sounds like a right wet wipe - imagine ringing your dad to tell tales on you. What an arsehole.

Stick to your guns op, you gave some very reasonable choices and seems your dd was fine after coming with you. I doubt it will be long before she is desperate to be left alone...I assume she's off to secondary this September.

The bigger issue is your dh's snide comment about you being cruel, totally not necessary, especially if it was within earshot of the kids, what a prick.

But DD doesn't HAVE to be left at home, if she is uncomfortable with it. She can get up.
OP, please disregard all the people who think your needs should come behind every single member of your family's preferences. If you were fat, unhealthy and neglected yourself you'd be told it was all your own fault - but this right here is one reason women exercise less. They are faulted for trying to protect their time, and sabotaged by the men who are supposed to give a shit about them.
You are setting your DD a good example though she may not realise it now.

Also, I would have loved a breakfast out and a nice read in peace at her age, crazy that that's seen as neglectful.

@Wingingit11

why?

Lol at the idea that DD is railroaded into activities fit in with my working life. I wish - it would make life a lot less tiring😂

She does Stagecoach on the weekend - completely her choice. Several of her classmates attend and she loves it.

Football mid-week evenings, after work so not fitting in with my work hours at all. This is something she chose as well with no input from me.

She has swimming lessons at David Lloyd, again at her insistence, because the council run pool was not up to her standards (genuinely her words) so her grandad pays £40 a month for her to have lessons there and she describes the lessons as great.

Believe me, this is a child who has a lot and a childhood I could only have dreamed off. My dad has morphed into a super grandad, making an effort for his grandkids that he never made for his own children

Yanbu OP.
She will come with you once then decide it’s better to stay at home, in bed or on her iPad for the few minutes she will be alone.

She’s totally not bothered about being with you… she’s trying to manipulate you into staying at home.
Stick to your guns.
Your mental health and fitness is important.
if your DP comes out with that crock of sh*te, I would be telling him what I thought about him refusing to drive.
What a wet wipe!

Op how DARE you go to the gym! You’re a MOTHER! You’re not supposed to care about stuff like that anymore, it should be all about the kids. Weekends are for family time , and family time only.

seems to be what some posters think !

YANBU op

Engaea · Today 14:11
But DD doesn't HAVE to be left at home, if she is uncomfortable with it. She can get up.
OP, please disregard all the people who think your needs should come behind every single member of your family's preferences. If you were fat, unhealthy and neglected yourself you'd be told it was all your own fault - but this right here is one reason women exercise less. They are faulted for trying to protect their time, and sabotaged by the men who are supposed to give a shit about them.
You are setting your DD a good example though she may not realise it now.

Completely agree with this^

My thought was OPs daughter ends up in A&E. Daughter says 'Im scared to be left on my own, told my parents that but got told by mother' tough, I'm going to the gym, so get up early or be alone', my understanding is that hospitals do refer for safeguarding, all I'm saying is OP going to admit that she knew her child was scared and did not yet feel confident to be left??

At first I thought you were being unreasonable then I read she was 11 and it would be 15 mins… so you’re not being unreasonable!

funny how the two men in your life appear to have joined forces to stop you doing the one thing you seem to do for yourself…very much smacks of you being put in your place and carrying on serving everyone else first…

id say to my ‘d’p ‘’there’s a very simple solution if you’re unhappy, drive ds to football and dd won’t be on her own’’. If he refuses because he won’t be put out I’d be asking why he thinks it’s ok for me to be put out but not him. But then I wouldn’t be with someone like this 🤷‍♀️

I think it is cruel to leave the house at 7 am on Saturday. I would actually recognize this but I wouldn’t feel guilty and would be very annoyed at others blaming me. sometimes clashes like this happen.
You gave her choice and she decided to come with you. If she wants to go to her grandad next time - great.

@LuckySantangelo35 @ “why?” - it’s my view - I don’t need to justify it, just as those who say it’s reasonable to do as OP wishes to do don’t need to either.

Thank you. I ringfenced this particular time, as early as possible on a Saturday, to carve out a single guaranteed 45 minute session in the week. Because I found that when I booked other times during the week there were always ad-hoc issues arising that meant I missed a class (DP late from work, our after school childminder is unreliable and often calls in sick…the list is endless). At DL you are penalised if you book and do not turn up to the class.

I have to prioritise my health at this point. I’ve struggled with health and weight issues for 11 years since DD was born and now it’s my time. Not apologising for that!

@Wingingit11

ok Hun, no worries

Surely no one thinks op shouldn’t go to her class do they?

@LuckySantangelo35 thanks darling.

we don’t need to agree here - it’s what the board is about.

@Wingingit11

yup!

im just glad op is going go keep on going to her gym class regardless. Go Op!

YANBU at all Op. mums are just as important as the rest of the family. Your DD had three choices. I am sure you have things you would rather be doing than ferrying her to drama and other activities. Families make sacrifices for each other.

So basically you have no justification for your answer, you just wanted to say that OP was BU regardless of the question.