To think it’s not ‘cruel’ to take DD to the gym at 7.30am

[Eastie77Returns]

I attend an early gym class every Saturday morning. I leave the house around 7am.

I leave DS and DD at home with DP. He takes DS to football practice around 9am and DD tags along but she has become increasingly unhappy about having to go. I therefore gave her 2 other choices: come to the gym with with me or stay at home alone for 10/15 minutes as I’m home from the gym by 9.15-am latest. This morning I asked her what she wanted to do (I gave her the options earlier in the week so she had time to consider). She began complaining loudly saying none of the options were good ones and she just wanted me to stay at home with her. I explained that I was not prepared to miss my class and in the end she decided to come with me. As we were leaving DP began muttering that’s it’s unfair and cruel to drag her to a gym at the crack of dawn when Saturday morning should be her down time.

If it makes any difference, it’s a David Lloyd gym. DD is a member and she enjoyed a breakfast in the restaurant area and read a book while I did my class. She played with another girl in the play area and the two of them have signed up for a taster kids class so she was fine. But I’ve now received a text from my dad saying he’s heard (obviously from DP) from that “poor DD is being dragged to a gym on Saturdays” so she can stay with him on Friday evenings if she prefers. Obviously I would be expected to drop off and pick her up. I said no.

AIBU to think this is a load of fuss about absolutely nothing?

It is the daughter doing the complaining and not wanting to be alone for 15 minutes.

I may have missed this but has OP said DH doesn't have an activity? If not maybe he should find one?

Regardless OP is up and out early doors to I guess minimise time impacting on family for the weekend. As is so often the case when mums try and squeeze in time for their own well-being. DD is with some TLC able to be by herself for 15 mins

@Beatrixslobber 7:30 is definitely the crack of dawn to us, especially on a weekend 🤣 I wouldn't be safe half asleep in a gym at that time. Disclaimer - Completely up to others what time they get up and do activities

My dad lives an hour away. So at some point on a Friday evening after school I’d have a 2 hour round trip to take her there and come home. Then on Saturday another 2 hour round trip. Because DP refuses to drive so the onus is on me to do all of the drop offs and pick ups.

It’s nice of my dad to offer but as usual he hasn’t actually thought about the logistics or the toll it would take on me to drive back and forth over two days.

So everyone on the thread who thinks the men in this situation are helpful, self sacrificing etc…no they are not. DP and DF are cut from the same cloth as millions of other men: they expect women to do the heavy lifting to accommodate what they want.

Actually, that's very relevant. If he drove, he could leave the house later with your son, and your daughter wouldn't be left on her own. He's got such an easy solution right there in his hands.

With apologies for the MN cliché you have a DP problem. He needs to get over himself and stop refusing to drive.

You also need to start building up DD’s confidence about being home alone for short periods. My DC1 is the same age and it will be incredibly limiting for you if she can’t come home to an empty house once she’s in secondary school.

Well I just hope that if you do make your child be alone when she is not ready for it, (and she has told you just that), if some harm did come to her that when social services take a look as they are more likely to do, you will accept that you have ignored NSPCC guidance because it doesn't suit you. Yes work on your daughter's resilience but the people calling her entitled, spoilt and the like are ignoring the fact that you have a child who has told you that she is scared to be left alone, but your solution is to make her get up far earlier than she needs to because the desires of everyone else in the family are more important than her.

Shes an 11 year old child who is scared of being in the house alone and you're mocking her. Why are you not listening to her?

OP is not stopping her daughter sleeping. She could perfectly well stay in bed all morning, she's been offered the chance.

Seriously??!! 🙄

What’s your solution, then? Make the op miss her gym class?

Another suggestion is that you take DS to footie and then DH/DP will have to forgo going to be at home with DD.

Oh, if he refuses to drive that's on him! Ridiculous, although I still kind of feel bad for your daughter, it seems she comes last.

How is she going to feel ready to be left at home…if she is never left at home?

She was scared during swimming lessons when she was younger and ‘not ready’ to get into the deep end until an instructor placed her in there and showed her she was absolutely fine as she knew how to swim and tread water.

I’m not going to sit at home every Saturday until she feels ready.

It's your DP's problem to solve - you're already carrying a lot more family load than he is.

Your DD has 3 choices so if she chooses to come with you, she shouldn't complain. She does all the hobby things she wants to do.

I’m not mocking her🙄

She is an NT 11 year old intelligent child. She can be left at home on her own for 15 minutes! There is no reason for her to be scared and she needs to learn that.

Not RTFT so sorry if it's been mentioned, but could you drop your DH and DS to football once you get home from the gym, and leave them to get the bus home?
I know it means yet another thing for you to do, but it would mean that your DD could stay in bed till after 9, and then she could come in the car with you.

It's very germane, given that it would be down to OP to do all the dropping off and picking up as her husband doesn't drive. So that would mean OP driving for four hours purely to avoid her daughter being alone in the house for 15 minutes. Would you do that?

I tried to write a response to this but gave up so just have to respond with a 😂😂

You gave her three perfectly reasonable options. She picked one, and it turned out fine. This is a total non-issue.

11 years old is also perfectly old enough to be left unsupervised at home, or in public setting. It's also young enough not to necessarily feel comfortable being alone. MN is famously batshit about saying that Year 6 kids must never be left unattended for one minute, and that also Year 7 kids should be happy to stay home alone for 10 hour days for 6 weeks over the summer 🙄

1. I agree OP it's ok for her to be left alone at 11 for 15 mins.
2. a couple more years and she can come into the classes with you at DL However...
3. a couple more years and she will probably be like my DD15 and will still be asleep by the time you get back
4. women are not support humans for useless men, your DH needs to stop being a prick

Ah, but are the child's extracurricular stiff she want to do or things the OP insists her child does to fit with her full time working life? I've spent years leading child/youth events with children being there for the parents convenience with absolutely no thought to the fact that the child has no interest in the activity. Maybe the daughter wants to spend some fun time with her mum on a Saturday morning. What is so wrong with that? So many posters say their tweens don't talk to them.

Of course YANBU.

She had 3 options and chose 1.

You going to the gym early means that you have the rest of the day with her.

In the future she’ll probably opt to stay in bed or she may carry on coming along.

DH is being an idiot.

We tried this at one point. But there was still drama. DD was invariably still in her night clothes when I got back (it was beyond the wit of DP to ensure she was dressed) so she’d get into the car complaining about having to travel in her PJs and honestly…as you say it’s just another thing for me to have to do. I’m a bit sick and tired of having to accommodate everyone and exhausting myself in the process.

The girl's Mum is home by 9.15 - plenty of time for fun with Mum after that.

It’s 2 hours max.

Parents are allowed to have some time away from their kids.

They’ve got the rest of the day to do fun stuff.