To think it’s not ‘cruel’ to take DD to the gym at 7.30am

[Eastie77Returns]

I attend an early gym class every Saturday morning. I leave the house around 7am.

I leave DS and DD at home with DP. He takes DS to football practice around 9am and DD tags along but she has become increasingly unhappy about having to go. I therefore gave her 2 other choices: come to the gym with with me or stay at home alone for 10/15 minutes as I’m home from the gym by 9.15-am latest. This morning I asked her what she wanted to do (I gave her the options earlier in the week so she had time to consider). She began complaining loudly saying none of the options were good ones and she just wanted me to stay at home with her. I explained that I was not prepared to miss my class and in the end she decided to come with me. As we were leaving DP began muttering that’s it’s unfair and cruel to drag her to a gym at the crack of dawn when Saturday morning should be her down time.

If it makes any difference, it’s a David Lloyd gym. DD is a member and she enjoyed a breakfast in the restaurant area and read a book while I did my class. She played with another girl in the play area and the two of them have signed up for a taster kids class so she was fine. But I’ve now received a text from my dad saying he’s heard (obviously from DP) from that “poor DD is being dragged to a gym on Saturdays” so she can stay with him on Friday evenings if she prefers. Obviously I would be expected to drop off and pick her up. I said no.

AIBU to think this is a load of fuss about absolutely nothing?

But it isn't causing problems. OP's DD had a good time at the gym and wants to do this again.

I don’t think it’s that they become delinquents; they just get very tired.

We really notice the difference on exeat and holiday weekends. When I was a child it was seen as “ healthy” in a cold shower kind of way, but I think there is more appreciation of the role of sleep now.

sheoaouhra · Today 19:23

would you want to be forced out of bed before you were fully rested every saturday so someone else can go to a gym class? I bet not

So you (and all the other martyrs on this thread) would never get up early on a Saturday to take your own kids to an activity they wanted to do, or get up early on a Saturday to look after your own children so your partner could go to an activity?

I call bull on that - you’d be up because you’ve made it clear that woman have to sacrifice and come last always and all ways, and you would never expect the same consideration back.

It's has therefore not come as a shock to me, that a number of people who had to get up early on Saturdays have now gone on to develop incorrect and baffling views on this thread.

Given that girls are more mature than boys, the position with your son was very comparable to OP's, except that you were leaving your son alone every weekday, not just once a week. I think you've proved OP's point.

I think there’s a big difference between 11 at primary and 13 nearly 14 at secondary. They grow up enormously in those years.

Sorry OP this is not related to your post as such but was hoping other wonderful mums on here would know what I should do.

Thank you for the advice, my neighbours drive their son to school so the school is definitely not the local one so that’s not an option. They are pretty strange parents IMHO and no I’m not one to judge but as once again due to the very weird layouts of our homes and gardens and especially the drives I can see their garden and the child has also not been in the back garden since last July when he was outside really late at night when they had friends over and everyone got hammered. I think if people have gardens it’s usual for your kids to be tearing around out there with the pets for an hour or so each day, a lot of my other neighbours seem to do that as I see or hear the kids on trampolines or in paddling pools, out on bikes or with footballs etc.

He gets driven to school then home again then in the house upstairs on a screen until the curtains are drawn, which is usually before 6, this is all prior to the new arrangement which seems to be he’s left alone. They have dogs in and out to the garden all day and the parents are in and out for work usually about ten times per day. It’s the dogs being left to bark that first made me notice he’s never allowed outside. He doesn’t go anywhere else apart from a couple of hours out with them sometimes at the weekend when they visit a relation.

For example last weekend dogs are walked, child is left at home. Parents are outside for quite a few hours in front garden and drive and the child just seems to be locked in the house. The dogs were in the back garden barking throughout and the back gate also has a key style lock on it so child couldn’t get out through the back gate or the front door whilst they were out there. Next day only parents in and out.

Today, only because we’ve been outside ourselves all day, one parent was at work, one was in and out with friends at the same time, then both parents were out for a few hours without the child. So I can only assume the child was locked in the house throughout as he’s not left in any of the cars.

I do think I should be contacting someone as I live on a family housing estate and all of the other neighbours are in and out with the kids doing normal stuff. I had thought about starting a thread but I don’t want to be the judgey type neighbour as that’s far from who I am but I’m getting concerned that apart from school he never leaves the house and is also now left at home alone.

Yet you still let your kids do it?! Actually, 'make' your kids do it?

Oh I feel for you. I wish you well.
I do think though that the OP's dd would be ok left alone for 15 minutes on a Saturday morning. I think we can both agree that seeing as though there's another adult in the house he can also think of ways to ensure his wife gets to do her class. It shouldn't just be expected that she gives it up. That's not a good thing for kids to grow up watching.

Where do you get the idea that OP isn't perfectly capable of making sure her child gets enough sleep? There are other times for sleeping at the weekend besides Saturday mornings, after all.

I think all children are different and mature at different ages. And no not Comparable. My son was three years older as nearly 14 and I had to work to feed us and pay the rent? I was not out enjoying myself at an hobby on a Saturday morning, my weekends were at home looking after my family. And no it was not every day it was sometimes after school for three terms and I was the only parent plus I gave up my career and changed jobs.

I agree the problem is the OP’s partner leaving her to do all the driving and life admin. The parenting should be shared out 50/50 so he should stay at home until OP is home then drive son to football.

Thats not why she's as hard as nails. She's as hard as nails because of the shit we've had thrown at us as a family and overcome together. She just happens to get on buses to go places 🙄 I pointed that out due to the 'ludicrous' suggestions that the OP's dd could not possibly be left alone at 11 and the fact that NSPCC guidlines were quoted. Comprehension isn't a common occurance on Mumsnet though is it? Bless you.

Think this is mountain out of molehill.

However why can't you drop off and collect your daughter from grandads. That's part of parenting, same as DH taking son to football. You take her to grandads for the night, and everyone gets what they want on the Sat night.

Why is it incorrect? OP's daughter had a number of choices - to go with her mum, stay at home, or go with her father. Her father also has the choice to drive so she doesn't have to be left alone. In the event she chose to go with her mum and had a good time, so much so that she wants to go again.

What on earth do you claim was wrong with any of that scenario?

Frankly, it's really offensive that you choose to claim that somehow my ability to formulate logical thought has been permanently harmed because I was made to get up early on Saturdays some decades ago.

Most of us have to work to feed us and pay the mortgage/rent. I certainly did. I sent my eldest to a childminder much to her embarrassment until she was 13, because I didn't want her coming home to an empty house. After that, she came home with her 11 year old sibling.

In retrospect, she would have been absolutely fine. 15 minutes is nothing and OP's DD needs to learn to be alone for short periods of time. My kids did it from the age of 10. I wasn't comfortable with eldest being home alone for a couple of hours until I got home. I now think I was over anxious.

And drive for 2 hours on Friday and another 2 hours on Saturday? Are you mad?

As parents I think we all end up overly anxious over something when we are trying our best.

OMG what a reach!!! Yours are the "incorrect and baffling views" here! Are you quite ok? FWIW I didn't have to get up early on Saturdays and neither did my three children. I still thinking you're talking rubbish.

OP's daughter may be 11 years and 8 months, so it's not necessary three years.

If you felt your son was OK to be left alone for at least a few days each week, it makes no difference whatsoever that in your view your reasons were more worthy than OP's. Have you missed the fact that she needs to go to the gym for health reasons?

To be honest, it sounds like you were a real helicopter parent till unhealthily late in your son's childhood, and that can do an awful lot more harm than anything OP's daughter may have suffered from being taken out and enjoying herself.

Because it's an hour each way. Would you spend four hours driving when there are much more sensible alternatives available?

My thing was food. I cut it up into tiny pieces for too long because I was terrified of them choking. I suppose we all have our foibles.

Yeah, I didn't want DD to be a 'latchkey kid' but it probably was quite ludicrous to keep her with a childminder until the age of 13. At the same time, I know I was doing what I thought was best at the time, plus she liked her childminder.

I probably spoonfed mine too long. I couldn't bear the mess. In their 20s though they can all feed themselves so I guess it doesn't matter!

I’m not sure I had any other choice but to be present as I was my sons only parent there was noone else. And then when he was at secondary I had to relocate us hundreds of miles away for our own safety, long story that I’m not getting into but complicated things. so for example the emergency contact number for the school after me had to be a distant relation 10hours drive from us so no help in an emergency whatsoever so when the school couldn’t get hold of me a few times at work as I wasn’t allowed to take calls that was when I had to leave my career and switch jobs.

And no I definitely was not a helicopter parent doing the homework etc etc etc 🤣 far from it. my son had chores to do every day and was taught how to cook decent meals so he could take turns.

No, you are not doing anything wrong. It seems like your dd had fun at DL and wants to learn padle. It could be win win for both of you. Also, slowly address her issues with being alone for 15 minutes. Exercise is important for you and you are a good role model to your children by taking care of yourself.