To think it’s not ‘cruel’ to take DD to the gym at 7.30am

[Eastie77Returns]

I attend an early gym class every Saturday morning. I leave the house around 7am.

I leave DS and DD at home with DP. He takes DS to football practice around 9am and DD tags along but she has become increasingly unhappy about having to go. I therefore gave her 2 other choices: come to the gym with with me or stay at home alone for 10/15 minutes as I’m home from the gym by 9.15-am latest. This morning I asked her what she wanted to do (I gave her the options earlier in the week so she had time to consider). She began complaining loudly saying none of the options were good ones and she just wanted me to stay at home with her. I explained that I was not prepared to miss my class and in the end she decided to come with me. As we were leaving DP began muttering that’s it’s unfair and cruel to drag her to a gym at the crack of dawn when Saturday morning should be her down time.

If it makes any difference, it’s a David Lloyd gym. DD is a member and she enjoyed a breakfast in the restaurant area and read a book while I did my class. She played with another girl in the play area and the two of them have signed up for a taster kids class so she was fine. But I’ve now received a text from my dad saying he’s heard (obviously from DP) from that “poor DD is being dragged to a gym on Saturdays” so she can stay with him on Friday evenings if she prefers. Obviously I would be expected to drop off and pick her up. I said no.

AIBU to think this is a load of fuss about absolutely nothing?

She does not need anymore sleep.
Most children get up before 07:30. She probably does it throughout the week

Please don't have children.

11y old is perfectly ok to decide to wake up at 7 at the weekend or stay 15min home alone.
She can nap dyring the day if she wants to catch up on sleep. It will help prepare her for university, internships and jobs.
Children don't need slaves, they need parents.

I'm surprised that you seem to be more annoyed with your 11 years old's genuine fear/anxiety about bieng left alone, than you do about your DP's clearly bullshit anxiety about driving.

I would start by refusing to be his taxi any longer for starters. No idea why you are putting up with his bullshit.

'Cruel'??? To do something that doesn't revolve around her children once a week when there are perfectly acceptable options available to her DD? Come off it. She's hardly going to be mentally scarred from this.

It really is no wonder so many kids grow up thinking the world revolves around them these days. Part of a parent's job is to model that it doesn't, and to teach compromise.

Who are you to say she needs more sleep? The OP says her child often chooses to get up extremely early at weekends.

And the way to deal with irrational fears is not to pander to them. It's to work through them, to face them head on. Helping the child to cope with being alone will be to her benefit. Recent studies have shown that the rise in mental health problems among children and teens is in part directly related to the deprivation of opportunities for independence that so many young people experience nowadays.

tbh i think yu should sack him off - you'll have way more time for the gym then.

As for all the "but 11 year olds like to chill" well, i went to boarding school and we got to sleep in for half an hour saturday and sunday until 7:30! and Saturday we had school lessons from after breakfast until lunchtime. Then on Sunday we had 1,5 hours of church right after breakfast. Something like Dotheboys Hall but for girls!

Just to reinforce the point: OP you're fab. keep it up!

Your heinous crime, OP, is that you are choosing to have a life.

Ignore the silly sods.

If the gentlemen feel that DD is being abused, then they should stay home and babysit her. If they are not prepared to do so, then they should file their opinions where the sun shines not.

I’m a bit confused (sorry if you’ve answered and I missed it) but you leave 7:30 for a 45min class and get home at 9:15 so guessing 30ish min travel each way. DH leaves at 9:00 for football with DS has access to your car but chooses not to use it (for reasons, which I agree, belonging to a whole other thread). How do you get to the gym if you leave your car at home for him to use, could you maybe take the car rather than walking/getting the bus that way you would be home sharper from your class so everyone wins? X

And take the useless tit off your insurance. Give them a call and see if you get a reduction with him off it.

OP, have you thought of giving up work outside of the house so that you can be around for your children 100%? Going to school at break and lunchtime to give them a reassuring wave? And if they want to go to university, make sure that they can live at home so that you can have dinner ready and clean clothes laid out every day?

She could use the car to go to the gym, come home in it and half an hour later, her DH could use it to go to football in 20 mins instead of faffing around on public transport for over an hour

@Eastie77Returns oh, god the martyrs are out in force! I seriously don’t see the problem. You have given her options but is still moaning. That’s just life. It’s really not terrible to do something for yourself on a Saturday morning. It’s all about everyone else -your daughter, your dad sticking his nose in, sons football and your partners allergy to driving. Good on you for not being crushed in the middle. I wouldn’t make any changes, apart from facilitating your partners avoidance of driving maybe

I wonder what your DD's best morning would be? What would she really like?

That sounds too selfish to me. OP surely should be IN school and IN university to give them the support they need. They are only young once! They need her support 24/7 for 50 years.

That's bullshit.

This @sheoaouhra how could you possibly argue with this ⬆️

@semideponent

ok..?

You can't do a bloody gym class online! Clue is in the word, "class"!!

Frankly this is insane!!

Children don't rule everything! "Unnaturally cruel" - there's something extremely bizarre about your thinking!

I think the OP is putting her kids first for the entire week, bar 45 fucking minutes - and her DD has options!

Wise up! She got to go and have a lovely time with her friend and have breakfast. Sounds like a treat to me personally...

11 year old me would have, and did, do what my parents told me.

Oh grow up!

She’s happy walking to school on her own, so I very much doubt she’s actually ‘frightened’ by being alone, in her own home, for a planned 15 minutes during daylight. She just doesn’t like it very much because she’s not used to it.

@ChedderGorgeous unnaturally cruel...... WTF!?!

😬

I havne't read the whole thread (or even any of it) except for the age of DD. I would just let her chose on a weekly basis. If she feels ready to get up and going you, she comes and if not, she stays home. If you can't trust an average 11 yo home alone for 15 minutes, you're doing something wrong.