To think it’s not ‘cruel’ to take DD to the gym at 7.30am

[Eastie77Returns]

I attend an early gym class every Saturday morning. I leave the house around 7am.

I leave DS and DD at home with DP. He takes DS to football practice around 9am and DD tags along but she has become increasingly unhappy about having to go. I therefore gave her 2 other choices: come to the gym with with me or stay at home alone for 10/15 minutes as I’m home from the gym by 9.15-am latest. This morning I asked her what she wanted to do (I gave her the options earlier in the week so she had time to consider). She began complaining loudly saying none of the options were good ones and she just wanted me to stay at home with her. I explained that I was not prepared to miss my class and in the end she decided to come with me. As we were leaving DP began muttering that’s it’s unfair and cruel to drag her to a gym at the crack of dawn when Saturday morning should be her down time.

If it makes any difference, it’s a David Lloyd gym. DD is a member and she enjoyed a breakfast in the restaurant area and read a book while I did my class. She played with another girl in the play area and the two of them have signed up for a taster kids class so she was fine. But I’ve now received a text from my dad saying he’s heard (obviously from DP) from that “poor DD is being dragged to a gym on Saturdays” so she can stay with him on Friday evenings if she prefers. Obviously I would be expected to drop off and pick her up. I said no.

AIBU to think this is a load of fuss about absolutely nothing?

And if this is the worst she has to endure in her clearly very very privileged life she'll be fine.

She needs to suck it up.

What is really at stake for her daughter here? She has the option to stay home and sleep in if she chooses.

She is allowed to feel upset and scared and everything she feels. I think that is a fair thing to experience and feel. But the Mum should absolutely not sacrifice her life because her child doesn't want to make a decision.

YANBU at all. You gave your DD 3 choices and she chose to come with you to the gym. Your DH feels sorry for your DD because she chose to leave the house at 7am but she would rather do this than go to her brothers football (by this reasoning he should feel sorry for her having to come to football). There’s nothing wrong with this choice and it sounds like she was happy/ had a nice time.

Ideally your DD would stay at home alone but if she would rather wait at the gym there’s nothing wrong with that. An 11 year old is perfectly fine to wait downstairs at the gym.

Your DH could just drive to football and then your DD wouldn’t need to be home alone. It’s also really inconvenient to drive your DD an hour each way to her grandfathers and then pick her up the next day just so she doesn’t have to leave the house at 7am, she would be just as tired from the drive.

Don't cancel your class.

@ChedderGorgeous

im sure poor dd will be just fine

and op is still gonna do her class! Yay

@joannanewsomm Completely agree. I really don't think the whiff of the burning martyr makes you a better Mother. Teaching your children that we all are equal and that on occasions, we all need to flex to the needs of others is a much better example to set.

Sometimes we all have to do things we’d rather not, 11 year olds included. It’s important to know other people have their own needs to, sometimes we have to be flexible. It’s not going to do her any harm to come with you to the gym or with her dad to football. I’m sure she gets plenty of time to do all the things she likes the rest of the weekend. When she’s a bit older she’ll probably feel fine about being alone at home for 10 mins

@ChedderGorgeous

oh and you sound very misogynistic.

are you ok?

Absolutely not unreasonable at all.

see the predictable hysterical mnetters are out. We are not helping our kids at all if we bow to their every demand.

I imagine OP does put her DD's needs before her own "sometimes" as you suggest. What about DP in this instance? Does he need to do any evaluating?

Or Dad and DS can leave earlier and drop her to David Lloyd to mum on the way to football.

Except she didn't watch her faff around in the gym, she played with a friend in the gym and clearly enjoyed that since she made plans to do it again. Seriously some people on this thread are being purposefully obtuse. God forbid women take 45 minutes a week to themselves. Misogyny is alive and well

Well the responses from some on this thread have been amongst the most batshit I’ve seen in 11 years on MN and that’s saying something. I won't bother responding directly to @sheoaouhra @LLMn or @ChedderGorgeous because you can't argue with crazy😅

Re DP and the driving. I’ve posted about him previously, I won’t bore with the details but there have been ongoing issues with his ‘parenting’ style. With regards to driving, he has variously claimed that he feels dizzy when in the drivers seat or it is just too stressful. However he has jumped in the car to pick up relatives and friends from the airport, pick up items he's bought from eBay sellers and also to transport his (now dead) dog to the vets on many occasions so his excuses are BS really. I think it's easier for him to continue pretending he can't drive so that the bulk of all required driving is left to me. Every year I drive the 5/6 hours to our UK holiday destination and then do all the driving when we are there. Ditto for all other breaks. I've suggested refresher/confidence driving courses. He said he'll 'look into it'.

Or to put it another way, it’s interesting that none of the males think it’s the child’s activity that needs to go, just the parent’s.

Seems a bit of a leap to start blaming all the men! Didn’t the grandfather offer to have the child overnight to avoid the situation? Or did I miss something where the OP’s dad said she had to cancel her plans?

Your DH sounds like an arse, I wouldn't worry about him criticising you when he won't even drive his kids to their activities. He doesn't seem to care that he puts all that on you and isn't pulling his weight. You are absolutely right to ring-fence that bit of time for yourself on a Saturday morning. DD would be fine at home alone for 15 mins but it's not exactly child abuse for her to get up early and sit and have breakfast in the sports club! Don't pay any attention to the ridiculous people on here saying you should stay home with her - mums generally spend our whole lives running around after our kids, it doesn't hurt for them to realise you are a person and you can prioritise your own needs once in a while!

Oh, give it a rest. What complete and utter nonsense.

I wish people wouldn't do the sock puppeting thing. It's bloody creepy.

It's a David Lloyd, she'll be fine. But could your daughter maybe be incorporated into a rebels class if yours do them and if you fancied? Ours do ignite rebels and blaze rebels (I'm not a fan of blaze but I love the ignite classes). But apart from that she'll be fine. I don't think non-David Llyoders understand the family feel of them

Responses on here are ludicrous, 11 yr old is old enough to stay alone for 15 minutes especially if she's likely in bed. Seems like OP is expected to pander to everyone, DD and all
the things she doesn't want, her DH and his uselessness.

Agree with pp, if she's not comfortable being left alone then that is fair enough, but she either goes with you to gym or she goes to football. Perhaps you could collect her on the way home?

OP wants 45 minutes of gym time to be protected in a week.

If her h truly felt bad then he’d stay at home then drive to football. Why doesn’t he feel bad that ds does 1.5 hours of bus travel instead of 20 mins in a car?

Dd was happy and OP was happy- what is wrong with 2 happy women? The men got to do what they wanted (football) 🤷‍♀️

I'm beginning to think that it's no wonder so many young people have such poor mental health and such anxiety if they are used to always being the focus of attention, always getting their own way and are never required to do things they find difficult or stressful.

OP, you sound like a great mum. Your DP on the other hand...

She sounds fine to be at the gym. It's probably good for her to get the inspiration to join classes!

Whether it's good for her health overall depends if the breakfast is unhealthy, on balance, but I'm really splitting hairs there. She can have an unhealthy breakfast anywhere.

It sounds like you offer your kids a nice lifestyle with lots of perks and healthy boundaries showing them that you too are a person who gets to do activities, even if an 11 year old has to suck up some moments of let's face it, - comfortable pampered - boredom, while you exercise.

yes there is, because if she goes, she either disrupts her child's sleep or frightens her

This is not "bowing to her every demand" - these are massive things, she needs her sleep, she needs not to be frightened

Exactly which aspect of my opinion ( which you asked for) do you consider to be "crazy"?

The fact that your daughter needs her sleep?

Or the fact that your daughter needs to to be frightened?

Providing both these things seem like parenting 101 to me. Don't they to you?