To think it’s not ‘cruel’ to take DD to the gym at 7.30am

[Eastie77Returns]

I attend an early gym class every Saturday morning. I leave the house around 7am.

I leave DS and DD at home with DP. He takes DS to football practice around 9am and DD tags along but she has become increasingly unhappy about having to go. I therefore gave her 2 other choices: come to the gym with with me or stay at home alone for 10/15 minutes as I’m home from the gym by 9.15-am latest. This morning I asked her what she wanted to do (I gave her the options earlier in the week so she had time to consider). She began complaining loudly saying none of the options were good ones and she just wanted me to stay at home with her. I explained that I was not prepared to miss my class and in the end she decided to come with me. As we were leaving DP began muttering that’s it’s unfair and cruel to drag her to a gym at the crack of dawn when Saturday morning should be her down time.

If it makes any difference, it’s a David Lloyd gym. DD is a member and she enjoyed a breakfast in the restaurant area and read a book while I did my class. She played with another girl in the play area and the two of them have signed up for a taster kids class so she was fine. But I’ve now received a text from my dad saying he’s heard (obviously from DP) from that “poor DD is being dragged to a gym on Saturdays” so she can stay with him on Friday evenings if she prefers. Obviously I would be expected to drop off and pick her up. I said no.

AIBU to think this is a load of fuss about absolutely nothing?

@Janiie Because I've had kids! I used to be an 11yr old. Saturdays and Sundays are for chilling and sleep ins.

In your house. In our house they are for hobbies and church.

Yea when they're little

This child isn't little. She was given 3 age appropriate options.
She doesn't have to be happy. She can just suck it up. She's not the main character here.

Aren’t they just!

@sheoaouhra

no you don’t sign up to be a martyr
youre wrong
there is no good reason whatsoever as to why op cannot do this gym class

no, she doesn't have a choice, because the other option frightens her. So on her day off, she is made to get up and go out, possibly many hours before she would choose to. There is no reason for this. Only that her mother wants to do a gym class. Which she could do at home online.

There are lots of things you cant do when you are a parent, because you have to parent. That is what you signed up to

Except there is no reason why the op can't do her gym class on a Saturday morning.

She is 11 and walks to school alone /with friends

And will have to learn to cope being alone possibly after school if you have to go to the office in sept

So it's good to start and give dd a few months to learn to be alone

So 15m seems a great option /compromise

Dh needs to drive. Why pass the test if not driving at all

She does have a choice, she is 11 and the Mother does this class for her health.
This child has a Father and if he would drive instead of being selfish, then the Mother would be home and he could go.

You forgot to mention that her brother wants to do a football class and that her father wants to take the brother to the football class. You also forgot to mention that the DD could have got up later to go with them but that she chose to go with her mother and was perfectly happy when she was collected.

Why do you think that it should be the mother to sacrifice her weekly gym class, which she says helps her chronic health problem, just so that every other member of the family can do exactly as they please?

I can’t get over some of these posts.

Its sad how misogynistic some women are.

Posters are not reading or comprehending the OPs posts where the DD was given a choice, she made her choice and she enjoyed her choice!

That's her problem.
She needs to learn other people have lives that are perfectly healthy.
The OP runs around for her more than enough through the week. She either needs to conquer her fear or suck it up without complaint.

More work for the OP ... her husband refuses to drive. Dumps everything on the OP.

Child has two parents
Child could go with dad

In addition, re the daughter's anxiety, this is something that needs to be worked on gradually. Many 11 year olds walk a short distance to school. Many of the (if year 7) also take public transport to school. Many stay at home for an hour or two before their parents get back from work.

No she didn't, she would have to go out with her Dad and brother at 9.

No she didn't, she would have to go out with her Dad and brother at 9.

No. That was one option.
Another option was staying at home.

Oh, my bad, you're right!

No. She could

Go with OP
Go with Dad
Stay home alone.

It sounds like you are being unnaturally cruel to your daughter. On her weekend off from school you are making her decide between watching you faff around at the gym, going to football she is not involved in, or staying home alone (and waking up alone potentially). As a mother you need to re-evaluate how you treat your children and put them before your own needs sometimes.

She has a dad too you know.

One that doesn’t leave until 9am and OP returns less than 15mins later.

Why are you not saying that the dad should stay home or leave 15mins later?

Why is it ‘just as a mother’….

We say that men are misogynistic but this thread is proving that women have the same views.

You are allowed a life and we all know time on your own is obviously very important when you have dc so you don’t lose your mind. But imo you’re giving your 11 year old a bit of a rubbish choice. No chance 11 year old me would want to go to the gym at 7am with my Mum and I’d be raging if she did make me. At that age I probably wouldn’t care about being left alone but it seems that she does? Perhaps she’s scared of someone breaking in or an accident happening with nobody else in the house. As she is a child, she is bound to be unreasonable because she doesn’t think like an adult. She’s not going to be thinking “well it’s a bit much to miss her class but hey ho, that’s my decision, so tough shit Mum”.

So is the class really that important? She is your daughter, who needs you, not some controlling partner. I could be wrong but don’t think a lot of 11 year olds deliberately manipulate people. She just doesn’t want to go there at that time or be alone. Hope you are able to get it sorted one way or another. Xx

Hard disagree. As someone who had a mother who never looked after her own needs as an individual separate from me, that is not a good thing. Looking after yourself is good for everyone you know.

No one is forcing her. She has been given 3 choices and she chose the gym. If she doesn’t like that she can try and stay at home for 15 minutes. It builds resilience to not pander to children all of the time.

Not at the expense of her poor DD, stuck between a rock and a hard pilates

Your children need to see that they are not your entire life. That is far too much pressure on a person.