To think it’s not ‘cruel’ to take DD to the gym at 7.30am

[Eastie77Returns]

I attend an early gym class every Saturday morning. I leave the house around 7am.

I leave DS and DD at home with DP. He takes DS to football practice around 9am and DD tags along but she has become increasingly unhappy about having to go. I therefore gave her 2 other choices: come to the gym with with me or stay at home alone for 10/15 minutes as I’m home from the gym by 9.15-am latest. This morning I asked her what she wanted to do (I gave her the options earlier in the week so she had time to consider). She began complaining loudly saying none of the options were good ones and she just wanted me to stay at home with her. I explained that I was not prepared to miss my class and in the end she decided to come with me. As we were leaving DP began muttering that’s it’s unfair and cruel to drag her to a gym at the crack of dawn when Saturday morning should be her down time.

If it makes any difference, it’s a David Lloyd gym. DD is a member and she enjoyed a breakfast in the restaurant area and read a book while I did my class. She played with another girl in the play area and the two of them have signed up for a taster kids class so she was fine. But I’ve now received a text from my dad saying he’s heard (obviously from DP) from that “poor DD is being dragged to a gym on Saturdays” so she can stay with him on Friday evenings if she prefers. Obviously I would be expected to drop off and pick her up. I said no.

AIBU to think this is a load of fuss about absolutely nothing?

@Janiie
@LLMn

mummy martyrs unite!

Anyone with even a random brain cell would support the OP.

It's an actual no-brainer! I can't stand the sanctimony!

You admit to prioritising work over your DC but you begrudge OP one hour a week going to the gym?
Have your kids managed to move on from being less important than your work?

I admire you for sticking to your guns. I'll start following your example, it's about time. Your DD is old enough to be left alone in a family friendly gym. Similar DH here, not interested at all in kids' activities until one of the kids became interested in football. I sympathise.

No, @LLMn still has children at home, having their washing done and their food cooked for them aged 40 🤣🤣🤣

I'm beginning to have a better idea of why there seem to be so many posts on MN of the "my adult child lives with us, but doesn't contribute, and expects me to cook, clean, and do their laundry even though they are 25" type posts.

Our aim as parents should be to help them be less dependent on us as they get older and also to understand that their desires don't always come first.

forcing children into situations that frighten them absolutely does not "build resilience" quite the reverse.

I've been thinking this as well.
11 is the age when independence should be encouraged and it should start to be acceptable for kids and parents to do stuff separately and that everyone can be a priority sometimes.
DCs should come first broadly speaking, but that doesn't mean that they should get every single thing they want every hour of the day.

OP sounds like she's doing it really well.

I go to an 8am gym class every Saturday and there are always 2 kids around your daughter’s age sitting in the coffee bar (not together) while their parents are at the class. They seem perfectly happy.

I think your arrangement is fine.

what? She will be ready when she is ready, not when it is convenient to you, and forcing her is going to make her very anxious. Do a class at home online

@FrivolousKitchenRollUse is that a reference to me?

Organised with excellent time management skills that don't involve dragging a dc out at 7am on a weekend for my class? Thats not a 'martyr' hun, it's what most people would manage very easily.

@sheoaouhra

no cos you don’t push yourself in the same way working out at home as you do in a class. So that’s not an option.

7.30

@Janiie

but op has said exactly why it needs to be this class. It’s the class time table.
it’s nothing to do with her time management skills.

You're spouting a load of spherical objects.

Some of the children in my kids' classes did swimming competitively. They routinely were down at the pool at 5am practising. Didn't seem to do them any harm!

The OP's DD could be playing hockey or another sport that she'd have to get up early on a Saturday for too! There's nothing wrong with getting up early?!

of course it is an option. Do it and push yourself, problem solved

One of the problems with such arrangements is that they often lead to conflicts or involve other parties.
If your class is early, you can either change the timing or leave your daughter at home. It's not fair to blame your husband who is busy with something else with your other child at a reasonable hour.
It's also not fair to expect all the family or friends to step in or accommodate a class which is at the crack of dawn.

Why should she?!!

The husband that refuses to drive, which would solve the entire problem? Are you for real?

No it wasn't

On the "forcing" issue. First of all, the OP hasn't forced her DD at all up to this point. But sometimes we do need to push it a bit, I think. And "baby steps" are often the way to go with overcoming a fear. It seems that OP is doing that, with a view toward DD having to be alone some in the near future.

@sheoaouhra

also there’s the issue of equipment. She might not have the gym equipment at home. And what about the noise? It might wake her daughter. Best op just sits on the sofa waiting for her daughter to wake up and then just do whatever her daughter wants to do for the rest of the day.

🙄

Well that's me fucked then, because I did what the hell I was told as a child.

Anyway I think it has escaped your notice that the OP is not doing that.