To think it’s not ‘cruel’ to take DD to the gym at 7.30am

[Eastie77Returns]

I attend an early gym class every Saturday morning. I leave the house around 7am.

I leave DS and DD at home with DP. He takes DS to football practice around 9am and DD tags along but she has become increasingly unhappy about having to go. I therefore gave her 2 other choices: come to the gym with with me or stay at home alone for 10/15 minutes as I’m home from the gym by 9.15-am latest. This morning I asked her what she wanted to do (I gave her the options earlier in the week so she had time to consider). She began complaining loudly saying none of the options were good ones and she just wanted me to stay at home with her. I explained that I was not prepared to miss my class and in the end she decided to come with me. As we were leaving DP began muttering that’s it’s unfair and cruel to drag her to a gym at the crack of dawn when Saturday morning should be her down time.

If it makes any difference, it’s a David Lloyd gym. DD is a member and she enjoyed a breakfast in the restaurant area and read a book while I did my class. She played with another girl in the play area and the two of them have signed up for a taster kids class so she was fine. But I’ve now received a text from my dad saying he’s heard (obviously from DP) from that “poor DD is being dragged to a gym on Saturdays” so she can stay with him on Friday evenings if she prefers. Obviously I would be expected to drop off and pick her up. I said no.

AIBU to think this is a load of fuss about absolutely nothing?

You are showing her that a females wishes are just as valid because her father is trying to teach her the opposite. As is her grandfather..

Sometimes we have to compromise.

Why does OP have to compromise and not anyone else?

How is that obtuse ?!
two kids
two parents or carers on the scene.
one is taking son to his activity. Daughter needs caring for. Therefore it falls to OP. Not obtuse whatsoever

I don't get it.. if you're okay with doing what you're doing and your DD is ultimately okay with doing what you're doing (after an initial whinge), then what business is it of anyone else's?

TBH, your partner can shove it, because if he drove instead of catching the bus for no reason, she wouldn't be on her own for those 15 minutes.

If your daughter learned to cope on her own in the house for 15 minutes, it would mean she didn't have to come with you at all.

It's got absolutely nothing to do with your dad and he can but out.

Do not stop what you're doing just because everyone around you is incompetent at existing.

It is obtuse! There are plenty of other options. This class is important to the OP. Why does she have to be bottom of the pile?

Im not sure if you have kids, but actually it’s possible to care for both of your children at the same time.

Why does it fall to OP when the dad could drive his son to football and stay home with DD until mum gets home?

Yes, this.

FFS all you want is an hour to yourself and you've deliberately chosen a time that doesn't affect anyone and yet your partner - in name, maybe, but certainly not in action - thinks you shouldn't have that and that your daughter should be able to control what you do and where. Well fuck that!

As for him not driving - he has the courage to bully you but not the courage to face other (male) drivers on the road, eh?

She's not making her an "inconvenience"! Wise up!

OP, maybe your DD could bake muffins on a Saturday morning ready to share with you when you get home? She would have something purposeful to occupy her time and distract her?
She could also chat to DP during that 15 minutes until you arrive.

In the interests of brevity and dealing with a couple of replies above: (1) obtuse is pretty offensive as a term; (2) I know really quite a lot about juggling, trust me; but for me I don’t want my kids to feel an inconvenience and will put them first in that context and (3) this is AIBU so the whole point is to air views in the expectation they are within a dialogue rather than just beating down because you think you’re right.

Her daughter should come first. The OP could do the gym after work, make her husband cook dinner. I'm not letting him off the hook, he needs to pull his weight as well.

Yeah, no. That's how you end up with a child who lacks resilience, can't cope for fifteen minutes alone in their own house, and thinks their parents' health and wellbeing have no significance at all. OP is allowed to prioritise herself for an hour a week FFS.

But why do you keep saying the OP is "making her an inconvenience" when it's her own father who is choosing to leave her home alone to take the bus rather than waiting 15 minutes to take the car and drive the DS?

I would agree with this if the daughter was a couple of years older. I think eleven is a little young to be left alone in the house, and clearly her father and grandfather agree. I think the grandfather sounds very nice, to be honest. He clearly cares a lot about his granddaughter.

Because he is taking their son to his activity !!!!! He’s not popping him along to watch his practice his golf swing. Reverse it and see what your views are.

Dd could do with dp and ds and you puck her up from there after the gym?

Yep, and choosing to take the bus and leave the 11 year old at home alone instead of waiting 15 minutes, getting in the car and driving there

So, again, why is it down to OP to change her plans but he can't be expected to wait 15 minutes and use his valid, clean driving license to drive his child?

'I know, it's crazy isn't it? Plenty of people are up and about at 7am and earlier on a Saturday morning.'

So what if plenty of people are up .

She's 11 and being dragged along so a parent can attend an exercise class. Kids like a sleep in on the weekends y'know.

Book a different class. I could not give a rat's ass if it's 'David Lloyd' or the local councils just organise your life better.

I think the kids needs come first, in a few years they'll have left home and you can do whatever you like

@Eastie77Returns I don't know why child being awake at 7am on a Saturday has provoked so much ire and concern.

I think it's because you sound organised, assertive and that you're doing reasonably well in life - you can get up early on a Saturday to go to the gym, and you can afford DL memberships!

Rather than admit to feeling threatened and lazy by comparison, some posters want to flag that they might be better parents because they let their children do what they want and have lots of rest after their very hard week of primary school.

You’ve ignored the point about him choosing not to drive again, he could wait 15 mins and drive to the football, he’s choosing not to.

How old are your kids (if you have kids)?
I think that as kids go into teenage years it's important for them to realise that you are a person too and sometimes in a family you have to fit around others.
A gym class might not be a priority to you but it is OP.

And I still think that there are options that would allow DP to leave 15 mins later with DS so DD could stay home and not be alone.

No - she's being "dragged along" because her father would rather leave her alone to sit on the bus rather than drive his own son to football practise.

Imagine life in this stressy household. Bet it's a barrel of laughs.

YANBU and you've done nothing wrong. Those were perfectly good options and it sounds like it worked out fine!

Good for you finding the time to go to the gym and sticking to it!