Neighbour made me feel awkward and uncomfortable

[Bethabooo]

I don't post often so I'm sorry if this is the wrong section. Basically I have a few guy mates also someone I'm dating. Neighbour basically come up to me and said a guy walked up your drive back down it and crossed the road got in his car and drove away. I thought this was nice thinking he is looking out for me. As this does sound like a odd thing to do. However he then started saying he didn't know what to think and started talking about brothels. I feel he is trying to say something about me. However now I feel awkward if i have a friend round as the bloke just sits in his van all day. I feel totally uncomfortable now and feel very awkward. I don't want any hassle. We haven't spoken before other then a quick hello. It also made me feel uncomfortable when he said a few times it's none of my f*ing business. This also made me feel uneasy. I feel later after this incident I had to go and explain myself to him. I just feel awkward and uncomfortable now in my own home. I'm due to see a mate on Tuesday and I'm dreading it because it's a guy and I'm worried sick now.

Lol. Honestly I wish people would mind their own business. It is awkward and horrible though isn't it? I feel I'm being watched now it's awful X

It's highly unlikely that this man would report you to social care and even if he did, unlikely they would take action. And if they did, there is no evidence to prove it because you aren't running a brothel. So try not to worry about that aspect. Basically social care can't act without evidence and even when things ARE going on, the parents often lie and tell their children what to say / what not to say. (Yes I'm a safeguarding lead in a school).

I'd be more interested in why he is always sitting in a van. I wouldn't have a clue if any of my neighbours have many different visitors, male or otherwise, since I haven't got the time for or interest in checking up on them.

He sounds creepy. I'd have laughed if he mentioned a brothel to me or made a joke about it.

Don't go seeking him out but prepare yourself with a comment you can make back if he speaks to you again. Eg a 'sorry I haven't time to chat' type of thing or, if you are feeling bolder, 'sorry, I'm not sure what it's got to do with you'.

If you feel he's watching you / stalking, call the police.

Two words for him, second one is off

@JohnSt1 I've always wanted a grand piano but obviously should have taken up crime - your local low-lifes are much more cultured than mine!

I know you say it’s just who you are, but you can learn to be more assertive and you’d benefit from that. It will also help you to teach your child to be the same. Taking the plunge and learning to stand up for yourself will help you so much. It isn’t easy, but I did it and I’m so glad I did.
Otherwise you’ll go through life getting as distressed as this whenever there’s a difficult encounter.
You’re misunderstanding “confrontation” a bit I think. He is the one who is being confrontational. If you quietly but firmly correct him, that isn’t being confrontational, it’s just a normal level of standing up for yourself.

I'd have said actually you are correct there, it is none of your business, and stood and watched his reaction, then mentioned oh your brother is also a solicitor, he is very sue for slander happy, if he got wind you thought I was running a brother ( which actually is incorrect as that involves more than one woman on the premises) then he would haul you into court faster than you could spell the word brothel..

Please get a ring camera to check if he’s lurking around ☹️

Ignore him and continue. He obviously has a one track mind.

What a horrible man.
And what a surprise, it's the woman he's taking it up with. As opposed to, you know, one of your male 'clients' ... because there absolutely HAS to be something sexual going on, right?!
Hope you're ok and try not to let the arsehole stress you out

I think it’s inspired, hiding your drugs in a piano!

Keep the peace. Be polite.

Not advice, just words I've picked up from your posts, OP. The guy is obviously bothering you.

It pisses me off women feel they have to behave like this.

Does sitting in his van give him a better view of your house?

If so, it's time to get proactive. Cameras. As many as you can afford. It's too late to catch the guy walking in your garden as observed by him but it'll catch anyone else. Even your neighbour if they go up without him noticing. They might make you feel a little safer and you can check he's not in his van if you need to leave the house.

I'm currently watching the ITV documentary about stalking. I've had one in the form of my ex (I still live under the threat of him but at least he doesn't actively stalk me any more). I'm over-sensitive to anything like this so my apologies if I come over a bit strong, but there's no harm in cameras on your property. Mine's provided a lot of entertainment from my garden birds and my daft dog.

OP tackle him head on next time he mentions brothels by saying if you think there’s a brothel on this street you need to ring the police and I’m sure all of us in the street will back you up with a complaint.
That should shut him up

Just ignore him and I'm sure he will get bored

I used to have a male dog walker, three male lodgers who had mates and a boyfriend and my neighbour reported me for running a brothel.

I had quite an amusing visit from the police 🙄🙄

OP, a previous poster may have mentioned, but it's your neighbour who should feel awkward if he sits in his van all day. What a saddo.
He's obviously bad minded, just live your life and ignore him.

Why do you still think you need to explain yourself to him?!

OP, you need to develop a tougher skin and stand up for yourself, for the sake of your child and yourself. You are acting like a concussed duckling.

He sits in the van on my road because he's back garden is on my road but his actual house is on the other road that so technically he doesn't live on my road his back garden is just on my road. His van is outside. From where his van is he can see my drive way X

I know your right. If he says something next time I'll try and stand up for myself. I shouldn't of felt I had to explain myself. Part of me wishes I could tell him he is out of line and he doesn't even live on my road so he shouldn't be concerned. But I'm to much of a wimp.

I don't know why he likes sitting in his van. But everytime I've gone out he has always been in the van. Also the van doesn't seem to move much either it's on standstill a lot which you would think he is works from the van it would move a lot more.

Please try not to worry, you're taking what was probably a poor attempt at a joke from someone who's socially awkward and blowing it out of proportion. He's right, it's none of his business who is coming to your house. Don't stress about what he does or doesn't think.

"@ByUmberViewer
You can't control his assumptions.

Why did you tell your mate what this random man said?

I have anxiety as well I'm not good with people

How on earth can you have anxiety and not be good with people when you've got 3 mates coming to see you regularly, plus a boyfriend, plus you managed to date someone and get pregnant before! This is not the behaviour of someone who isn't good with people! The opposite in fact.

Hows the decorating coming along? Will it be finished soon?"

I'm actually shocked by the ignorance towards anxiety here.

OP, you've received some really good advice elsewhere on this thread. You don't need to change anything about your lifestyle - ignore the weirdo neighbour and don't engage in conversation with him anymore. Some people are just batshit!

Can you practice some responses so you'll feel comfortable if he says anything weird again? I don't think you need worry about him influencing others' opinions as anyone with any sense will realise it's perfectly normal to have friends popping round.
You could pull a 'what?!' face and say something like "what a strange thing to say! I have friends coming round to help me decorate', or 'Please don't say things like that. I assume you don't seriously think I'm running a brothel from the home I share with my child and that kind of comment makes me uncomfortable'. Practice saying a firm tone, not angry as you don't want to escalate it but get the message across that he's out of line

I agree with @Tospyornottospyand @plumvioletrose.

He should not have spoken to you like that. He's right, it is none of his fcking business. The fact he even made that leap was because of his own twisted thoughts and, I suspect, to make you feel uncomfortable. He may have picked up that you're a vulnerable, anxious type and thought he could take the piss.

You really need to get angry and assert yourself in this situation. You won't forgive yourself in the future otherwise. You could get a male friend to warn him or you speak whilst a friend is there.
Watch him though from now on and make a note of anything he says to you.

I've had nosy neighbours before and not one of them would have had the gall to ask me that! That's why I think this is more sinister. I'd be up all night checking my doors are locked rather than thinking about social services! He would more likely face the force of the law than you!

Phone the cops and tell him weird man sitting in a van all the time.
I would actually have your brother or one of male friends go to this man knock on the van and politely tell him to stop bother my sister. You are her brothers/friends and he needs to mind his own business and to stop sitting in his van as like a stalker, put up cameras and if he bothers you again call police and tell him to feck right off.

Meant to say he is a nasty dirty minded git.

I hear you OP and it's not just you❤️