Neighbour made me feel awkward and uncomfortable

[Bethabooo]

I don't post often so I'm sorry if this is the wrong section. Basically I have a few guy mates also someone I'm dating. Neighbour basically come up to me and said a guy walked up your drive back down it and crossed the road got in his car and drove away. I thought this was nice thinking he is looking out for me. As this does sound like a odd thing to do. However he then started saying he didn't know what to think and started talking about brothels. I feel he is trying to say something about me. However now I feel awkward if i have a friend round as the bloke just sits in his van all day. I feel totally uncomfortable now and feel very awkward. I don't want any hassle. We haven't spoken before other then a quick hello. It also made me feel uncomfortable when he said a few times it's none of my f*ing business. This also made me feel uneasy. I feel later after this incident I had to go and explain myself to him. I just feel awkward and uncomfortable now in my own home. I'm due to see a mate on Tuesday and I'm dreading it because it's a guy and I'm worried sick now.

I'm not quite sure why he always sits in his van. Previous we just said a quick hello to each other and that was that. To keep the peace when I got in the car i waved at him and he waved back.

He’s a weirdo and you need to take a position of strength with him. Avoid him but if you do interact and he says anything inappropriate you can say “Excuse me???” And just glare. Don’t let him speak like this about you. “That is a very inappropriate comment for a man to make to a woman”. Use your own language, but definitely push back.

Well clearly, yes. Maybe I read something along this lines or saw a film
like this and it’s stuck with me. Like another PP thinks I would assume
he somehow wants there to be a brothel…

What a sad little man! It's absolutely none of his business. We are quite friendly with our decorator and he's here constantly and the last time he scuppered as soon as DH turned up with the kids (as I was working from home but going out that eve before the kids were in bed so we told the girls I was in the office). I'm sure it could look quite dodgy but all totally above board. Sod the neighbour! If he says anything again just be firm and say he making you uncomfortable and to back off. Sorry you're having to deal with this.

Im worried because I have a small child i don't want him to cause issues for me. Also I don't want any sort of awkward neighbour situation that's all xx

Just to also say I would be to nervous to tell him to mind his own business etc. I'm very quiet and don't like confrontation. This whole ordeal has made me quite nervous if I'm being honest.

Sometimes the limited information is enough:
He sits in his van watching her
He implied she’s running a brothel from her home
When she tried to explain herself he said “none of my fucking business”

That’s all pretty unpleasant behaviour.

@Bethabooo Ignore him, don’t engage in conversation, do NOT explain yourself to him. In the unlikely event that he reports you to S/S for running a brothel (this worry is your anxiety talking) he’ll just make himself look foolish.

how has he slandered the OP by talking to her?

I learned our neighbours thought my dad was head of a cult.

my parents knocked 2 3-bed semis together to create one big family home and we had a large driveway plus 5 cars (dad had 2 and then mum and my adult siblings all had cars). On Sundays more cars would arrive for the “service”… reality: Sundays was often the day family would visit and come for lunch as none were that local, or other adults (aged 18-21) would visit me or my siblings. No cult.

dh’s aunt lived in a village with her mum and changed boyfriends regularly… rumours were she was a prostitute.

Both rumours were all found hilarious. I find the response here rather over dramatic.

It’s the vibe I get as well.
It’s not normal to sit and watch who enters the house and then make a comment about brothels.
OP is right to be on her guard.

Sorry maybe I'm not making sense here. Its just me and my 2 year old. When I tried to explain to him they are my friends and I'm decorating so you will probably see them he just said a few times that it's none of his f*ing business. He says this but why even approach me in the first place then?

We haven't started it yet we have collected wallpaper samples. My anxiety is more towards strangers. I'm ok with my friends. People with anxiety have friends and relationships. I'm no good in groups of people or in crowds. I also struggle with females hents why I have more male friends and no female friends. X

I don't think he sits in his van to watch me I actually have no idea what happens in his van but he spends a lot of time in the van. The annoying this is only his garden and cars and van are on my road his actual house is on the busy road so it's more his garden and van and cars on my road

Also think this is creepy and unpleasant. I'd give him one stern warning to keep his insinuations to himself, leaving him with no doubt that if he persists you'll consider it harassment and involve the police. I'd put this in writing and put it through his door.

Any more of his bullshit and absolutely get the police involved. Nip it in the bud now, he's testing your boundaries and these things escalate. Disgusting man. Sorry OP

I wish I could but I just feel awkward and uncomfortable. The night this happened I couldn't sleep. I'm not the type of person to be able to confront someone. Part of me does think maybe i should go and explain myself but then I chicken out and don't do it. When he confronted me I already told him that the are friends. I don't know. It's the whole brothel comments that have been on my mind. X

So he makes a derogatory insinuation then doesn’t listen to you when you try to defend yourself? What a prize.

Don’t explain anything else to him, he’s irrelevant to your life and has no entitlement to your private business,

Instead of turning this inwards on yourself, and getting anxious, turn it towards him and get angry.

How dare he say that to you! The cheek of him! Can you imagine ever saying something like that to a neighbour?
So what makes him think he has the right?

Also OP, people like him only pick on vulnerable people because he’s a coward. Just freeze him.

ByUmberViewer - what an ignorant post! Do anxious people not have friends or any relationships at all? Best shush if you have no idea what you're talking about.

OP - most people would describe me as an extrovert, frequently the centre of attention and making everyone feel comfortable. I'm neurodivergent and an expert masker. Only those closest to me know that's not the whole picture. I don't need much sleep and use that time to ruminate and process the day while stimming - go me. I keep this to myself for fear of arseholes who tells me I can't possibly have anxiety.

Back to you OP - he senses your vulnerability and is taking pleasure in your discomfort. Absolutely do involve others, friends, police. Come down hard on him or he'll take as a sign to continue.

@ByUmberViewer what is the point of your comment on anxiety? Her anxiety shouldn’t stop her from confronting this man? Most of us would feel uncomfortable about confronting a man who watches us and makes comments about brothels…

You can write the word "fucking" on here.

Your neighbour sounds batshit.

Just ignore him. He can't do anything to you or to your child. I'm really not sure why you're anxious.

However he then started saying he didn't know what to think and started talking about brothels.

I would have shut him down right there and told him to stop being so ridiculous and backward. Next time he makes comments - or if you hear via neighbours - make sure you tell him to stop & shut up. Remind him, he's right, it is none of his f*cking business.

If it continues beyond that, get a solicitor to send a cease & desist letter.

No OP - You do NOT need to explain yourself. You owe this pig of a man nothing.

He needs to be told that his behaviour is unacceptable and will not be tolerated - by you, a trusted friend, the police. It's not a conversation, it's a demand with consequences if he persists.

Of course you shouldn't have to deal with this. I very much doubt your the first woman he's behaved this way towards. Does he live alone? Wondering a more casual approach to a female partner might be an option? He won't understand subtle so dealing with him direct will necessarily have to be much firmer.

Thanks. It's just who I am. I'm a very quiet person who is awkward around others. I'm not good when it comes to people. I always feel like people are looking at me and feel anxious in general around people it's just me. X