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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say it's fine to not do favours for someone because you don't like them?

103 replies

sallyinside · 04/05/2024 09:03

Namely my husbands ex partner. He shares children with her. We also share a child.

She made our life very difficult for a long time and still does whenever the opportunity arises. I do not like her as a person, she is selfish, manipulative and generally thinks of no one but herself. There are lots I could go into but specifics aren't important really, I just don't think she's a good person... she's the kind of person who has been arrested in the past for attacking him for context.

I like to stay way way out of their relationship, for my own sanity. The abuse she used to give to him over message and the phone used to really wind me up so I've detached massively and now have absolutely nothing to do with her when I can help it.

However she does have a habit of asking for favors quite often from me if my husband is unable to do what she wants him to (having DSC an extra night or whilst she goes on holiday, collecting them from school on her days etc..) during those times it's like she forgets she's usually hideous about me/us and I'm expected to pitch in and help her. I often do it for DSCs sake and DHs and just roll my eyes at her hypocrisy (shouting how I'm not their mum so shouldn't be alone with them for example but then in the next breath asking for my help when she needs it).

As I say I have always tried to stay well out of it, ive never retaliated other than to have a moan at my husband occasionally about her.

My husband, in my opinion, has a habit of doing anything for an easy life and would prefer to get on with her so goes along with a lot for the sake of not arguing (she's refused access in the past when he hasn't danced to her tune).

The latest request is that her apparent childcare has fallen through for bank holiday and she is "desperate" for someone to have DSC AND her child with her current partner. My husband is also working so guess who's now being asked...!

I've just said no this time. I was planning a day out with my mum and mine and DHs DC and when DH asked I've just been honest and said I don't want to do her a favour. I don't like her so why would I. He thinks I should for harmonies sake I.e. to make his life easier. I think if you're not a nice person people won't want to do you favours so live with it.

Aibu to think you don't have to do anyone a favour if you don't like or get on with them. DSC I could just about justify but her other child?! A cheeky request if there ever was one!

OP posts:
Caroparo52 · 05/05/2024 07:48

Would be a definite no from me. Not your problem. Why should your plans be upped? Let her sort it

LumpyandBumps · 05/05/2024 10:38

Sorry OP, but as is often said here you have a DH problem.

Yes the ex sounds hellish but the longer he lets her get away with calling all the shots just to keep the peace the worse and more entitled she is likely to become.

The clear majority of people on MN support you saying no. Your DH needs to also step up and defend your very reasonable refusal to look after 3? ( he has children with ex, so at least 2, plus her child ) extra children as well as your own. If he can’t/ won’t stand up to her then he needs to accept that he will have to look after them, whatever the consequences to his employment/ finances.

C152 · 05/05/2024 12:02

YANBU to say no, but I don't think you even needed to raise the fact you don't like her and don't want to do her favours (it's a different issue which will end up in petty squabbling with your own DH). You have pre-arranged plans which cannot be changed. That's all that needs to be said.

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