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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wanting to be told if my kids are somewhere

163 replies

kimberlyy · 04/05/2024 03:09

Hello all so long story short my daughter got sick Thursday and she missed school today because she was still under the weather. Also today my other daughter had a school trip I was to help chaperone. I asked my brother if he could watch my daughter since she couldn't go to school and he agreed and I'm thankful. But now I hear my daughter ended up leaving to go with my sister. I called constantly to check on her while on the school trip and no one told me anything. Aibu for being upset about this? Anything could have happened and I was not aware that she even left from being with my sister. My daughter is still in a booster and the whole time she was out she was not in her booster. My family knows I'm really big on my babies safety. This makes me so uncomfortable.

OP posts:
HopeOneOfThosePeopleIsAMonkeyBecauseThisIsBanana · 04/05/2024 07:05

I’d be fine for my child to be with either of my siblings tbh.
How old is your DD?

bloodyplumbing · 04/05/2024 07:16

When you say anything could've happened, like what?

Why do you not want your daughter in your sisters care?

Everyone is concerned about their children's safety.

IncognitoUsername · 04/05/2024 07:20

How old is DD?
It’s a bit odd that it wasn’t mentioned where she was - who were you in contact with? If just DD then your siblings may have thought she had told you.

BoohooWoohoo · 04/05/2024 07:21

Everyone is concerned about safety. 😂

I can’t comment if your brother is unreasonable because I don’t know if your sister is an acceptable babysitter or not.

WASZPy · 04/05/2024 07:23

YABU if you were 'constantly' on your phone during a school trip. Did none of the teachers tell you to put it away?

BoohooWoohoo · 04/05/2024 07:23

Why did your brother call his sister for help ? Maybe you should have left her car seat just in case?

ZipZapZoom · 04/05/2024 07:52

WASZPy · 04/05/2024 07:23

YABU if you were 'constantly' on your phone during a school trip. Did none of the teachers tell you to put it away?

Agreed. That was really unreasonable behaviour and completely unnecessary. You presumably trust your brother so why the need to call constantly to check in, a text at lunchtime would have sufficed.

She was being taken care of by a relative, if you trust them, you trust them. If you feel the need to micromanage and check in constantly then you need to use someone else for childcare. I hope you said thank you to them all for watching her so you could go on the trip.

Ellie1015 · 04/05/2024 07:55

It is last min childcare so i wouldnt be bothered who she was with as long as a trusted adult in our circle. It is weird not to mention though.

When was she in car without booster? Unless short unavoidable journey from school to sisters home I would be annoyed about that.

Zanatdy · 04/05/2024 07:59

I wouldn’t be happy that she was in a car with no booster. I was always big on that too when mine were younger. An accident can happen anytime and a car seat can make all the difference. I’d ask that if they are looking after your child they ensure they use a car seat; and supply one if they don’t feel one ok

Testina · 04/05/2024 08:03

“Anything could have happened” 🤨

I actually think it’s odd not to drop you a text about change of babysitter. Not because it matters (as long as it’s normal for either sibling to help) but just because most people - at least in my opinion - would tell you. But it doesn’t actually matter if they don’t.

Not sure about the booster… so this isn’t a really little kid? About 6, maybe? In that case, if a one off having to move her from one house to another as brother couldn’t do your emergency childcare all day, I don’t think it’s the worst thing. I wouldn’t like it, one journey - an accident can still happen. But overall the risk is low and a bit of a “needs must” for emergency childcare. You make it sound like they were driving round town all day?

I don’t see why you were texting all day. Once on a lunch break to say, “thanks again for stepping in - is she any brighter now?” is all I’d do. Especially if I was supposed to be on a school trip helping!

Savoyafternoon · 04/05/2024 08:05

How old is she?

CelesteCunningham · 04/05/2024 08:11

Yes the age is clearly crucial here OP.

They shouldn't have taken her out without an appropriate car seat, they should follow the parents' wishes (and presumably the law?) on that given it wasn't an essential journey.

I don't know why her aunt couldn't take her out otherwise though if she was feeling well enough.

Original poster
kimberlyy · 04/05/2024 15:04

IncognitoUsername · 04/05/2024 07:20

How old is DD?
It’s a bit odd that it wasn’t mentioned where she was - who were you in contact with? If just DD then your siblings may have thought she had told you.

She's 6 my brother I left her with.

OP posts:
Original poster
kimberlyy · 04/05/2024 15:05

Savoyafternoon · 04/05/2024 08:05

How old is she?

6

OP posts:
Original poster
kimberlyy · 04/05/2024 15:06

BoohooWoohoo · 04/05/2024 07:23

Why did your brother call his sister for help ? Maybe you should have left her car seat just in case?

He didn't call her for help and my brother does not have a vehicle.

OP posts:
Original poster
kimberlyy · 04/05/2024 15:07

WASZPy · 04/05/2024 07:23

YABU if you were 'constantly' on your phone during a school trip. Did none of the teachers tell you to put it away?

I'm an adult I can step away to call my child.

OP posts:
BoohooWoohoo · 04/05/2024 15:08

kimberlyy · 04/05/2024 15:06

He didn't call her for help and my brother does not have a vehicle.

Show quote history

Do your siblings live together then ?

Usually I would only transport a sick child to get medical attention or if I was taking them to my house. Why did your sister take dd in the car ?

Original poster
kimberlyy · 04/05/2024 15:10

bloodyplumbing · 04/05/2024 07:16

When you say anything could've happened, like what?

Why do you not want your daughter in your sisters care?

Everyone is concerned about their children's safety.

A car accident
Her car could have broke down
Anything

OP posts:
Original poster
kimberlyy · 04/05/2024 15:12

@BoohooWoohoo no they don't live together. My sister lives with her boyfriend my brother lives with my mother.

OP posts:
AliceOlive · 04/05/2024 15:13

So he kept in touch but never told you that your sister came and took your DD away in the car without a car seat?

It’s completely unreasonable on all fronts. She shouldn’t have been taken out of his care without you knowing.

Who does this? Is your sister always this disrespectful to you and others?

ZipZapZoom · 04/05/2024 15:14

Your responses are making you sound even more unreasonable to be honest.

Maybe they didn't tell you because you would have obviously overreacted. Your child was safe, with people she presumably knows and nothing bad happened so why the need to catastrophise?

Original poster
kimberlyy · 04/05/2024 15:16

AliceOlive · 04/05/2024 15:13

So he kept in touch but never told you that your sister came and took your DD away in the car without a car seat?

It’s completely unreasonable on all fronts. She shouldn’t have been taken out of his care without you knowing.

Who does this? Is your sister always this disrespectful to you and others?

Correct, we kept in touch so I could check on how she was feeling all day. But not a call or text when my sister took her. She will usually do things like this. To be clear my only issue is that no one notified me.

OP posts:
Original poster
kimberlyy · 04/05/2024 15:16

ZipZapZoom · 04/05/2024 15:14

Your responses are making you sound even more unreasonable to be honest.

Maybe they didn't tell you because you would have obviously overreacted. Your child was safe, with people she presumably knows and nothing bad happened so why the need to catastrophise?

Thanks for your response zipzap.

OP posts:
AliceOlive · 04/05/2024 15:17

kimberlyy · 04/05/2024 15:16

Correct, we kept in touch so I could check on how she was feeling all day. But not a call or text when my sister took her. She will usually do things like this. To be clear my only issue is that no one notified me.

Show quote history

So she took her for no reason and didn’t tell you.

She sounds like a control freak. Does she have kids?

Is your brother afraid of her?

AliceOlive · 04/05/2024 15:18

ZipZapZoom · 04/05/2024 15:14

Your responses are making you sound even more unreasonable to be honest.

Maybe they didn't tell you because you would have obviously overreacted. Your child was safe, with people she presumably knows and nothing bad happened so why the need to catastrophise?

Is it not illegal in UK to drive a child without a proper car seat? Because it’s hugely illegal in US as well as very unsafe.

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