AIBU to be upset by Mamas & Papas Staff

[SammieJean]

The other day DH and I ordered a Doona Nitro car seat/stroller as it’s compact enough for me to manage by myself. It’s very early days, still first trimester, but we wanted to make the most of the brand having a sale.

Yesterday I was in Mamas & Papas for a look around and I got chatting to a woman who works there about items we’d bought/were thinking of. I mentioned that we’d just bought the Doona and she started talking about how dangerous that model would be for my baby - that I should instead buy one of their travel systems (keeping in mind these are over a grand!)

I guess I just want to know if I’m being unreasonable to be upset by this? I’m aware that my hormones are going crazy at the moment, and I’m a FTM so I have no idea what I’m doing.

But it felt very much like she was trying to scare me in order to make an expensive sale. It half worked — I’m very scared that the model we chose is going to harm the baby, but it didn’t make me want to buy anything from there!

The baby becomes viable at 24 weeks.

The pregnancy becomes viable once there is a gestation sac and heartbeat visible, from six weeks.

Moreover at 24?weeks something like 2 out of 3 babies are actually viable if born and in appropriate care.

Some areas have sling 'libraries' so you can swap about as the baby grows and you can find the best one to suit you.

See if there's one near you

Its banned in Canada and it doesn't meet the safety levels in Australia. So the person was actually being protective of your child.

I wouldn't buy one anything that isn't meeting international top safety standards isn't something I would be happy with .

Car seat brands are producing ‘lay flat’ car seats, even the Doona. Very expensive!

A PP mention snuz pod things as being dangerous, why is that?

The danger is only if they are upright- I think most car seat strollers lie the car seat quite horizontal.

You'll have to get used to doing all sorts by yourself OP. You're being a bit PFB

What on earth, they are too heavy to lift with the car seat at a month???

Maybe a standard car seat, but with the doona, you are literally only lifting it out, not carrying it. Mine outgrew it at 18m, and I was lifting it in and out of the car until then, perfectly fine.

Oh, and I was nipping out and about within a few days (planned section), and was out every day. Perhaps that was because the Doona made it so easy. I think some women do stay at home a lot after birth, but lots don't, especially with 2nd and subsequent babies.

I am only sharing my opinion having had a late miscarriage recently. Having an expensive pram sitting in the house would have been a horrific reminder every day.

I think you'd be upset with or without the pram

I’m sorry for your experience, and I also advised op to wait.

But I don’t think it’s kind to suggest she’s getting “ worked up over a pram “ and that it is mind-blowing because the baby isn’t yet safe and well. The most natural fear of pregnant women is that this will happen; but it isn’t always that helpful to pour cold water and blight the early pregnancy with those fears.

It’s also really natural to be excited and have plans.

But I am sorry for your loss. My SIL lost a number of babies and watching her go through it I know there is not much that is harder.

Op whilst people here aren't wrong about domestic advice, please don't get too worked up about minutes. When mine were tiny people used car seats for many hours without issue, and slings all day. There's so much advice, some contradictory so it can be hard to decipher what is absolute and what isn't. As long as you don't have your baby in the car seat in the house (which was common 20 years ago) you are fine for trips out

I did absolutely loads of nipping and popping out and about in the early months of maternity leave - but virtually none of it in the car. Unless you live in the middle of nowhere, it’s so much easier to pop them in a pram and walk those little trips. (Unless you physically can’t walk in which case you probably haven’t been cleared to drive either.)

I had to do nursery run daily but the flat pram was fine for that. I actually found gently “bumping” the big pram down the steps easier than carrying a car seat. And I was another who only did local pram trips really not car trips. For those intended to have DH to help with folding down the big pram.

Realistically a Doona is expensive when the baby shouldn’t be in a car seat for long periods of time. I can see why people get them for things like the school run but they really do need a lie flat pram. I’d return it and just get a slim stroller too

Sorry but I kind of agree you should get a smaller, safer bassinet pram. They have a duty to tell you what’s safe I think!

Also there’s a risk he/she will fall asleep and you leave them in it, especially when sleep deprived. People have prams for a reason. They’re great.

A doona is not a replacement to a pram, they were right. It won't be safe if baby is in it longer than they should be in a car seat, which might surprise some with how little that time limit is. You don't have to spend over £1k on a pram though, they were wrong about that. You can get a perfectly nice pram cheaper or a really nice pram much cheaper second hand.

@SammieJean what you need to avoid is the Baby bjorn style - where their little legs basically hang straight down from their bodies.
You want a style where they are in a sitting position (if upright)

I cringe when I see small babies tucked under layers of blankets in car seats at the zoo or out shopping. The poor things spines and breathing. A doona is popular but not great.

I totally agree that carrying a car seat is a faff and really heavy. Which is why (because of the Doona), I have ever carried one more than half a metre (one step backwards) at which point it turns into a lightweight, very manoeuvrable mini pushchair. Bliss 😊

I also did lots of nipping about in the early days. I tried most of the different kinds of slings, but I ended up sticking to the woven wrap type slings. I am slim and small boned, and I found all of the other types dug in or were uncomfortable for me, whereas once I got the hang of the woven wraps I could wear them all day without issue. They felt very secure for the baby too. I used them right through until DD was a toddler and then she went on my back in it if she got tired when we were out.

I tried our pushchair and pram once each respectively, but found them such a faff and a pain (especially after having a c-section) that I gave up and used the sling. DD was also extremely settled and content in a sling, and she would snooze or just watch the world go by quite happily for hours.

I really loved the slings from Oscha and Firespiral, they are so, so soft, hard wearing and easy to wash, and they have some stunning designs.

@SammieJean she is right, baby can only be in those for very short periods of time.

We used one of these travel system car seats occasionally, because we don't drive and needed a portable carseat to put in taxis etc occasionally. But I agree they aren't ideal and I don't see any reason to use one if you drive. A proper pram and proper carseat is best.

To be honest OP you don’t really do that much “nipping about” in the first months

Really? So we're not encouraging mums to get out for a walk at least once a day?

@SammieJean you don't need an expensive pram or travel system. Unless you're a little person any pushchair is ok, so long as it has a lie flat option.

You could get one https://www.boots.com/mothercare-journey-3-wheel-black-travel-system--black-10282398 like this which does everything you need it to and includes the car seat. I had similar for my third, but for my twins I just had a twin pushchair that faced forward and laid them flat. Not quite sure why forward facing is considered "wrong" but it was certainly fine for mine.