Do you return presents from family if it’s not wanted/ wrong/ not right?

[ArchesOfsunflowers]

Personally for the lower value gifts we exchange between us I tend to just say ‘thank you’ and pass the item on or charity shop it if it’s not wanted. For example my sister getting a book I’ve read, mum getting a simple perfume I’m not keen on or similar. With higher value I’d exchange, but we don’t really spend much. I do the same for kids presents etc, teach to say ‘thank you’ and smile, that the thought was there. (It generally is, but sometimes it’s just not quite right).

My family on the other hand always make a big point of returning (eg if far away it can be some time after we see each other and the item is handed over), and hint at replacement. They see it as they haven’t had a gift yet. Sometimes it’s awkward if you’ve bought way ahead, or on sale.

This thread is prompted by my sister returning a running top. The brand she wanted, the size she said, but it’s too small. It’s now out of stock on the website and twice the price elsewhere. (I thought she was a bigger clothes size but she insisted she’s a 10… I did check). My dad another time returned a belt, for a 34 waist (he said he was! I asked) but it’s small. It fits DH 33 waist fine… Beautiful leather, from a market far away. Very awkward to provide a replacement in a bigger size now. My mum returned a book to me even, half read as it wasn’t her thing. Spine creased, not exchangeable. My other sister once returned a candle of a brand she’d asked for as she didn’t like the scent, packaging now open.

I’m interested whether most people return unsuitable gifts. Maybe I’m skewed because after years of teaching I’ve smiled and thanked for a lot of gifts that aren’t me, whilst really appreciating the thought behind it and the effort? Has it conditioned me?

aibu- I always return a gift to the sender to replace if there’s an issue like sizing, not wanted

yanbu- I just smile and say thank you then re-gift/ re-home or charity shop it

I have never returned a present!

Oh wow, returning to this thread the voting has really really swung. It was about 60/40 early on.

Your family sound insane, I’ve never heard such odd ideas about gifts.

If I get a gift I don’t like or doesn’t fit I’d either return it to the shop for something else or give it to charity (after a suitable amount of time has passed)

If they were someone close I might mention to the person I returned it for a bigger size, but otherwise I’d just tell them I loved it.

I don't return gifts back to the person who gave them, i either use it or charity if it's really not my cup of tea and I'm happy with any gift really, I'm not difficult... Apart from this one time... my husbands family. His brother and his wife will make demands for vouchers or cash but you know what they gave me one year. A pot of honey that was old and marked and the label all dirty. Apparently according to bil they got it for me especially and it's an expensive brand when it was so obvious it had been in their cupboard,.probably from the school raffle as it it had bits of tape on the lid. Dh gave it to me on their behalf and I was like erm no.. they aint going to treat me like this when I get them vouchers of their choice. I gave it back the next time I saw them and said I don't want it. Their faces was the best present!! The following year they got in line and asked me what I wanted. 🤣

From now on just give them a voucher.

I think it's fair enough to try to return to the shop it was bought from for a credit note or to sell on eBay - as long as it's done surreptitiously- but to return it to the fixer is extremely rude .

That makes me feel they are ungrateful op. And the cheeck to give you work because “they haven’t received the proper gift yet”… I’d be giving card/cash or shop gift cards if I were you.

Did you miss the rest of the entire whole post? Or were you one of those lurkers waiting on a new unanswered post so you could get right in there first was an arsey reply? You obviously missed the book that was half read, the candle that had already been lit etc… maybe read it again.

Ask what they would like first. Otherwise charity shop. It rude to give it back.

She must mean a USA 10 😉
I just say thanks and keep the item / re gift it / charity shop .
I think in the case of clothing gifts where size matters , I’d get a gift receipt and leave it up to the recipient to return if wrong size / fit .
( My MIL used to underestimate my size in tops for example but moved on to giving gift vouchers as the years went on or she send me flowers / plant 😍)

OP's post indicated that DSIS had requested that top, brand, and size and OP had thought she needed bigger but bought what DSIS had requested. Why on earth would she request something which likely wouldn't fit, and then demand a replacement?

To me this is totally bizarre behaviour. Your family is very unusual. I’d return a gift myself without ever telling the person I did it. It’s absolutely not the gift givers responsibility to do it.

I would never dream of returning a gift to the person giving it, family or not, I would try to return the gift myself discreetly instead.

I would advise you to just give your family gift tokens in future (boring i know!) so they can spend it how they want, that way you won't be burdened with the task of returning items to shops - not that you should be anyway, your family sound rude, ungrateful and presumptous to me.

Do you know what? I would just say shall we just do £5-10 vouchers, one for all vouchers covers a lot of different stores, Or shall we knock the gifts on the head as it’s just getting ridiculous- personally I have knocked most gifts on the head, apart from special birthdays & occasions, hardly any thanks & I just can’t afford it. To be honest I don’t miss the hassle & stress

It’s incredibly rude! I can’t imagine ever giving a present back to the giver.

In future, I would just refuse to take anything back and certainly refuse to provide an alternative gift. If they don’t like it, it’s up to them to get whatever they do want.

I've now asked my son not to buy me anything unless I specifically ask for something, because he absolutely loves going to the theatre (I hate it), and insists on buying tickets (for Mother's Day, my birthday and xmas) for us both to go and see something HE wants to see.
Our last batch of tickets was bought for Mother's Day and my birthday last year (they're always pretty close together). It was a show based around a film from the late 80s. I've had over 30yrs to watch the film, but have had absolutely no interest in it, so why would I want to spend 3hrs at the theatre to see something similar?
So I told him I didn't want to go because i have no interest in either three theatre or the subject of the performance. Also, how could he think that something he knows I'll hate, be a suitable gift? He kicked off worse than I've ever seen, calling me ungrateful and asking why I couldn't just suck it up and go. He refused to see me at all for almost 6 months and refused to even give me my cards. He's still angry about it over a year later.
I'm sorry, but I would never buy something that I know the recipient will hate, but my son still can't see my side of this argument.

I've literally never heard of someone giving a gift back to the gifter! How rude and odd. I think if clothing didn't fit or a toy/gift was a duplicate I might casually ask if there was a receipt and then exchange myself if there was, or I have on occasion given unwanted gifts to other people (particularly kids party presents that go untouched and are in their box still). It wouldn't cross my mind to expect the giver to deal with it at all.... I'm not sure what I'd say in your shoes, I think I'd go with "sorry I can't exchange it for you, maybe you can sell on vinted or gift to a skinnier friend".
My husband gave me a cashmere jumper in a medium (sadly he assumed a medium would be a size 14 as that was roughly average woman size, bless) - I thanked him, told him it was beautiful and smuggled it to be size 10 friend who loves it.... even with him I'd feel really rude telling him it wasn't right (I knew he didn't have a receipt as he got it aboad).

My aunt does the charity shops & bought me a Nero? Ornament bit like ladro, I don’t do ornaments so it’s in the drawer, every time they come, I fish it out to put on display🤣

Give gift cards instead

I totally agree!

I regift/sell on ebay.