Do you return presents from family if it’s not wanted/ wrong/ not right?

[ArchesOfsunflowers]

Personally for the lower value gifts we exchange between us I tend to just say ‘thank you’ and pass the item on or charity shop it if it’s not wanted. For example my sister getting a book I’ve read, mum getting a simple perfume I’m not keen on or similar. With higher value I’d exchange, but we don’t really spend much. I do the same for kids presents etc, teach to say ‘thank you’ and smile, that the thought was there. (It generally is, but sometimes it’s just not quite right).

My family on the other hand always make a big point of returning (eg if far away it can be some time after we see each other and the item is handed over), and hint at replacement. They see it as they haven’t had a gift yet. Sometimes it’s awkward if you’ve bought way ahead, or on sale.

This thread is prompted by my sister returning a running top. The brand she wanted, the size she said, but it’s too small. It’s now out of stock on the website and twice the price elsewhere. (I thought she was a bigger clothes size but she insisted she’s a 10… I did check). My dad another time returned a belt, for a 34 waist (he said he was! I asked) but it’s small. It fits DH 33 waist fine… Beautiful leather, from a market far away. Very awkward to provide a replacement in a bigger size now. My mum returned a book to me even, half read as it wasn’t her thing. Spine creased, not exchangeable. My other sister once returned a candle of a brand she’d asked for as she didn’t like the scent, packaging now open.

I’m interested whether most people return unsuitable gifts. Maybe I’m skewed because after years of teaching I’ve smiled and thanked for a lot of gifts that aren’t me, whilst really appreciating the thought behind it and the effort? Has it conditioned me?

aibu- I always return a gift to the sender to replace if there’s an issue like sizing, not wanted

yanbu- I just smile and say thank you then re-gift/ re-home or charity shop it

And everyone continues to waste time, money and resources on crap that no-one wants or needs.

We need to stop with this shit.

That's one reason I don't do gifts except for dh and adult dcs. I don't want crap cluttering up the house

It's very rude to return a gift. Someone would only do this to me once and then no more gifts. I don't believe in giving money - what I give you £50 and then you give it back to me on my birthday (or not!).

The only thing I've done is complain to a florist/M&S when flowers arrive damaged etc. unfortunately the sender often gets told but I can't help that.

what I give you £50 and then you give it back to me on my birthday (or not!)

Yeah, because it makes so much more sense for you to spend £50 on a scarf to give to me that I will send straight to the charity shop because I never wear decorative scarves and when it's your birthday, I'll buy you a bottle of fancy gin and glasses which will sit in the cupboard until the end of time because you already have more glasses than you know what to do with and you don't like that flavour of gin.

And we politely thank each other and tell lies about how grateful we are and pat ourselves on the back about finding the perfect gift.

Blimey! No, totally bad manners. In future I wouldn't buy gifts. I'd probably give cash - and it doesn't matter if it's a small amount if it's what you can afford. That's what I did after a similar situation many years ago. Cuts the stress for me.

Either they exchange it themselves using the gift receipt, or give them all gift cards in future.

You are not a shop.

@Bjorkdidit my post wasn't clear, I agree with you that's why I don't give presents unless I know it's the exact thing! Everything is so expensive these days.

If it's clothing and family yes I'd say it's the wrong size can I have the receipt - I wouldn't hand it back and expect them to deal with it though.
If it's someone far away who got one of my kids something the wrong size (happened a lot) then I'd pass it on/resell/donate. If a friend got me a book I'd read I'd just pass it on donate it. If they got me something absolutely hideous I'd thank them then donate!

I find the best thing is to avoid the hassle. We agreed as a family that we were not exchanging presents at Christmas. The only exceptions for us being our own two adult dc and now DGS. For the adults, we make a list with links and stuck
to that. Anyone going ‘off piste’ only does so If they spot something very special and are sure it will be loved. Everyone has too much stuff already and don’t need more.

I tell my mum and sibling if I don't like their gift usually. My mum in fact encourages it so she can return it and not waste money. My sibling tends to buy over priced items and there isn't anyone to regift them to. Sometimes I might return my siblings gift without them knowing. They will usually leave the receipt in the bag by accident. If it was anyone else, I wouldn't dream of asking them the receipt or for them to exchange it. Although that depends on what it is, how much the item is and how close the gift giver is to you.

I told a relative last year to stop buying me presents. They keep buying me things I don't like. They said why so I said I am de cluttering and I have too much stuff which is true. Come Christmas they have in fact got me a present! My mums friend again agreed on no presents but she still bought my mum a present. People won't take no!

I've started buying fewer presents for my family and more experiences. Got my mum a massage voucher, bought tickets for theatre for my sibling etc.

Wow they are high maintenance - if you’ve asked what they want.size etc then it’s not your prob, a simply well it’s the size you asked for so it’s up to you now to exchange/sell on l. Maybe just tell them you will be doing gift vouchers from now on and ask where they would like them for

Totally agree with this. I think better to grin and bear it and say thank you for a gift regardless. I hate the idea of returning it to the giver. I just pass on tO the charity shop

This is what we (and the rest of my family and most of my close friends who buy for my kids) do - gift receipts all the way and then no one need ever know if you’ve taken it back! So much easier. I think they are being ridiculous expecting you to return their gifts, especially an opened candle FFS - that’s extremely cheeky.

How rude I think it's awful my MIL told my son she didn't like shortbread and gave it him back he only got it because it was in a lovely tin with a westie on which she had at the time.
just agree in the future not to buy any gifts at all that will sort it out. That's what we do now.

I'd return to a shop but not to the sender I find that quite rude and ungrateful

From now on just say ‘I have decided I am not doing gifts this year and instead donating X amount to charity as a gift for you’ or ‘I’m trying to reduce my carbon footprint by buying less and this includes gift giving. Of course I don’t expect any gift from you either. Thank you for understanding’.

Your family don’t seem to understand the point of gifts. I used to get the most ridiculous things from ex-MIL but I always acted grateful before binning it once she had left.

Most stores will work with you on an exchange. If a gift doesn’t work for whatever reason, I figure out the source and take it to the store myself . The giver does not need to be informed. All they get is a sincere thank you.

if an item can’t be exchanged, then it gets donated to charity. Again, the giver just gets thanked.

there are very few specific circumstances where it might make sense to correct a gift giver to help them make a better purchase in the future. It needs to be handled with sensitivity and done only if necessary.

I'd only ever want an exchange if someone had spent a lot of money. My parents bought me a watch for my 18th, it was nice but not quite right. I was able to exhange it to one I preferred and still wear it most days 20 years on. I'd always try to be nice about it though.

Books, perfume, even clothes.. I'd keep, regift, sell or charity shop. I'd hate for someone to feel bad about a gift they'd put thought into. My friend used to be really into adult colouring books, I bought one and she opened it and said "I've got this one, you can keep it". It made me feel horrible!

Blimey what a rude ungrateful bunch, so she asked for that size, tough love if it doesn’t fit. Same with the belt. The book is creased and unreturnable as used, yet you are expected to provide a replacement gift??!? Don’t accept returns from family, in future get them a voucher!

Bonkers. You're not a shop. If they don't lole the gift they sort swapping at the shop or passing to someone else/selling.
Don't accept the returns..you're not M&S :)

I'd have so much fun buying token gifts they can't return - sponsor a goat from oxfam

try secret Santa then they won’t know who it’s from 🤣

They sound awful. Can you ask santa for different family members next year?

I've made it clear, I nether wish to give, or receive presents.
Life is much easier for everybody.

Just either get a gift receipt or put the original receipt in an envelope with the present.

Trust me, once I've sourced a pressie, wrapped it and given it, I'm done.

And most shops will accept back something they sell, even without a receipt.

But if you have known problem people in your family, always hand over a receipt with the present and state if it's not right, just exchange it and get something more suitable.