Brother has swindled DM out of over £100k- desperate advice please

[Unicornfairysoap]

Sorry I’m posting in aibu for traffic.

this is long, you may remember such threads as brother Pretended to dying DF to be in the navy to get money, pretend to be in mi6, threatened me with a multi billion £ law suit for saying he doesn’t have a PhD (he literally doesn’t, so it’s a stupid lie)

well DF died a few years ago and it’s been just dm, she lives 2/3 hrs away from my, brother lives closer. She works part time (20hrs a week) and gets my dads old pension and hers, which I’ve totalled as around £3.5k per month (no mortgage just bills). She’s been frequently crying to me she’s not got any money, I thought she was having me on a bit, but I had suspicions brother had claws in. Well she was visiting yesterday and broke down from not being able to pay her bills, she just kept repeating she’s not earning enough now, which she clearly is. The bills were only a few hundred too and she’s not the type to ask for money. I got quite concerned, and I noticed constant phone calls and texts coming in from brother. Now he’s the type that doesn’t contact unless he needs or wants something.

she went to the loo, and I snooped. I know it’s a total break of trust but I was genuinely concerned. I saw a list she’d wrote to him when he was telling her she was dead to him because she couldn’t give him £4k at the drop of a hat. The list went from 2019-2022 (so not even the last 18 months) and it detailed how she’d given him £120k over that time. He’s been going on luxurious holidays in that time. In a legal dispute with his ex. But he’s taking her to the cleaners and im genuinely worried. I looks like pure coercive control and an abusive relationship.

thing is i can’t tell her I looked and saw what I saw. She won’t take kindly to me calling social services or the police to talk with her, it will likely push her further to him.

shes 73 and he’s taken probably £150k at least

It is clearly wrong that her DS should have taken so much money from his DM.

If it was that easy, why are there not many cases? Surely, if it was not a crime, it must follow there are so many cases, and if that is so, someone would have made it a crime anyway.

you say:
The list went from 2019-2022 (so not even the last 18 months) and it detailed how she’d given him £120k over that time.

Did your DM have a lot of savings, or a life policy when your DF passed away? Was it from savings or her income that he took from her? Over two years it would have been £60K a year, even three it would be £40K a year. That means he would have had all her income every month for a great many months if over three years, more than her income over two.

£3.5k per month (no mortgage just bills).

Does that mean she owns her house outright? If so, then when she passes the house will be included in her estate and will be liable to IHT. What your DB has persuaded her to hand out can be taxed then. Have you seen your DM will? Do you know what is in it? Perhaps she has left you the house in lieu of the money she is giving him? I know it won't help much when it comes to paying the IHT, because the treasury only gives six months then adds interest on it, so you would probably have to sell the house quickly. If she has appointed a solicitor in her will as executive, then that solicitor should be made aware of the present circumstances. If she has not made a will, then now is the chance to consult a solicitor and have her name all her assets and make a will.

The law is the law. If the son's going down then the old lady probably is too.

Sorry about my language - I am an old un meself.

If I am not, then neither is google, or the BBC. If you look on the BBC site, you will see just how complicated it all is.

You are probably right, but he could be prosecuted for blackmailing his DM into handing over her money, because from what I can see, he has committed a crime. If his mother is prosecuted, he will be too, for causing her to do it.

Because it’s morally heinous and I’d imagine not too many have 100k in cash to give

I don’t think he has a life insurance policy no, I think he’d have been too old and too sick to qualify.

she had a lot of cash savings

Yes she owns her house outright.

she will also have inherited df’s IHT allowance.
likely she will sell her house before then, it’s too large for her to manage as it stands.

yes she has a will. Everything is split 50/50 between brother and myself and we are do executors. But she’s said she’s seen the light and wants to change it because of him, whether that happens or not, who can say. I’d rather her leave me nothing tbh than be listed on anything with him because of how difficult he’ll be

I'm not sure but would it be better if your mom made a solicitor executor of her will? Anyone have more experience of this?

I think she’s changing it anyway

I'm so sorry about your situation. I haven't read all the replies. In this situation I would recommend to my mum that she got a financial advisor (or someone like Step change). Act concerned that she doesn't know how her money is being spent when she can't afford bills. The financial advisor would then look into things and report if necessary. Your brother sounds like a very nasty piece of work. Has he always been like that? Awful!

Also he's abusing her by getting her to change the will. Who does he think he is? I'd never talk to him again!

My husband is a former Fa, they have no power to look through your historic outgoings, rather they can just advise you or rather present an array of options that align to what you wanted out of the meeting (leave a legacy, beat inflation etc)

I thought that perhaps through talking and asking questions, the FA might discover what's going on. Do they not have duty to report if so? It seems to me like this is a safeguarding issue.

Oh goodness me yes, don’t be joint executor with your brother, what a nightmare that would be. Solicitor absolutely the best idea.

@Unicornfairysoap you say that you’ve no proof that your brother has committed a crime, but you don’t have to! The Police’s job is to investigate and to look for more evidence, just because you don’t think you have enough to prove anything yet, doesn’t mean you can’t start the ball rolling. They can interview your brother and his girlfriend, look at his bank statements, cross reference what he says with what he does and what you and others say. All of that is evidence.

Why not just go to the Police station, ask to talk to somebody and see what they say?

@llizzie Please would you post a link to that BBC article? I have been googling and can only find this one from 2019 which, along with more general googling of gift tax, explains inheritance tax on gifts which is only payable after the person has died. I must be missing something here but I can't find it. Thanks.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-48881477

as part of a discovery you wouldn’t provide copies of your outgoings, they’d be reliant on what you state to them, ie. I’ve got an income of xyz, xyz protection policies (details of the policy would be very helpful for a holistic review) but if the client said oh yes I still support my son financially, that would be pretty much left there.

yeah they’ve got a duty to comply with aml and customer due diligence but they wouldn’t necessarily report to the police they’d report if they felt anything was suss to their own internal processes first

This.
There is no tax issue.
There is no tax fraud.
The OP's mother has done nothing wrong.
Her brother, on the other hand, is a piece of work.

Unicornfairysoap, perhaps your DB knows this, and is reducing your DM estate and persuaded her to hand over money to him so that there will not be so much for the Treasury to take after she has passed. IHT laws are so complex that I wonder the civil servants can get out of the maze.

It might be better for all if your mother sells the house and moves into a smaller, manageble house, and spend the difference on comfortable living. If your DB can spend it, why not all of you, and have your mother live a very comfortable life, having cleaners to help her and lots of holidays, day trips, theatre trips and so on.

Have you read the laws about Social Services? With what you have said about your DB, if it is proven, then she will be seen to be in 'need of care' and if so, the social services not only have the possibility of taking over her affairs, but they actually have a duty to do so in law. If they do that, then they will find her a room in residential care and sell her house to pay for it. They also have the right to keep the proceeds of the sale to pay for her care. They do not have to put the house on the market for long, They have the right, in these circumstances, to sell it immediately. Then your mother will be paying for all the very best benefits available until the money runs out.

That has been seen in many instances, where the resident has run out of money and is placed in cheaper accommodation.. In all probability there will be little left for either of you to inherit. If you do not want her care and control to be taken away, then while she is able to sign documents, an EPA is best for you to persue.
Look it up online. If I am wrong, then I am very sorry to have alarmed you, but you have to know the law and deal with it - and your DB, who may be winding down her estate knowing this. If your DM has given him money knowing this, then you can do nothing.

You must put the alternatives to your DM. If you don't want/need to inherit, then persuade your mother to spend everything she has and downsize. Some few years ago there was a programme on TV showing that some elderly people sold their houses and are permanently cruising around the world. I thought that was a lovely idea.

How to give your children unlimited amounts and never pay inheritance tax?

This means you must survive the gift by seven years in order for it to be free from IHT. However, the seven-year rule does not apply to gifts made out of excess income. This means you can give as much as you like without worrying about the seven-year rule, as long as the gifts meet certain criteria.4 Nov 2023

What is the loophole for inheritance tax?
Downsize and donate the cash

Another common tax loophole is to downsize your property. As inheritance tax only comes into effect at the time of someone's death, taking into account assets that have been given away in the seven years prior to death, it can be a good idea to downsize to a smaller property.20 Feb 2024

How far back can HMRC go for inheritance tax?

HMRC can ask to see records up to 20 years after Inheritance Tax is paid. Assets include items such as money in a bank, property and land, jewellery, cars, shares, a payout from an insurance policy and jointly owned assets.

you inherit your spouses allowance, so that’s 325k x 2

hes not used that as a reason to give the cash he’s basically used emotional blackmail and weird ploys and charades. If it was the other way around it wouldn’t be so clandestine and secretive.

my mother will likely sell her house and then use the equity of which there is a lot to put towards a larger house with basically a granny Annex for Her to live with me and my family. Those style houses with me are around 750/800k. And we just cannot afford a house that large. If she needs carers in addition to what is available through NHS and social care, she’ll have to pay through her income. Her estate is therefore basically what will remain in savings and another property that hopefully she will have sold by then .

Have you searched this online? There are lots of answers to questions covering this sort of thing. Everything I have posted is cut and pasted.

It is not so easy as you think for your DM to sell up and buy a larger property. You will still have to pay IHT on it unless she lives the 7 years, and you could end up selling it to pay debts.

There was a programme some time ago which came to the conclusion that spending the money in your lifetime up to the IHT + legal fees + any other expenses is a wise option. Look up on BBC online, they have some very interesting thoughts on the subject.

I do not agree with your plan for your mother to sell the house and buy an even larger one. Even if it is in your name only, and your mother lives another seven years, there will still be problems. There are clear answers online to your suggestion. We are fortunate to have info at our fingertips.

Your DM would be better to sell the house, buy a smaller one, and be very comfortable in her old age and employ her own carers when she needs them.

If she owns the larger property, then you will have to pay her rent for the rooms you rent from her, granny annex or no. Tax is payable on income from rent. If the house is in your name, she will have to pay you rent. If you buy your mother's house and live in it rent free, as a reverse mortgage, rent may still be involved and that is taxed as income.

I have read about a reverse mortgage, which was new to me, and your DM can sell your property for up to 60% of the value depending on the age and health of the owner and in those circumstances the owner can live in the house rent free for life, and when they die, the owner has the property and whatever value has been added over the years. It sort of conflicts with what the position is as far as family are concerned. You can actually sell your home to a family member for £1, but there are considerations to take into account.

What do you mean by ''if she needs carers in addition to what is available through the NHS and social care? There is no availability of care through NHS. They have some places in some nursing homes for cancer patients. She will have the services of her GP, but the NHS does not arrange domiciliary care for the elderly.

Do you think it is easy to be able to get domiciliary care for your mother when the time comes? The NHS do not care for the elderly. They do not go into residential care homes unless there is a special need, such as wound dressings. When they do, the charge is added to the resident's account. There is no free service by the NHS for the elderly. Why people take their elderly friends and relatives to hospital is beyond me, unless they have had an accident.

Social Services charge for domicilliary care and the charges are the same as any private agency. Even those on benefits have to pay something. The sliding scale on income goes right to the lowest.