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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP lied

115 replies

No1toldmeaboutit · 02/05/2024 07:41

Met my DP after work yesterday, he was with a client so he told me to come and meet them and we had a quick drink. On our way home he asked if I had my lunch, I said yes, i had made butties that we had took to work, he then told me he had one bite of his butty and then ate all his crisps and then finished the butty.

Later on in the evening he mentioned having met the client for lunch and that he didn’t have his butty. I called him on this and he started deflecting. I have no issue with him meeting people for lunch but I am so annoyed that he actually made up a complete story about his butty. I hadn’t even brought up lunch, he did.

he’s now telling me I’m being stupid, it’s just over a butty but alls I keep thinking is what else does he lie about. I know it’s just a butty but AIBU to be annoyed?

OP posts:
VeryStressedMum · 02/05/2024 18:19

I've only heard of a chip butty! But regardless yes it's really weird that he did that I have no idea what his thinking is. Just weird.

Notsurewhatsgoingonhere · 02/05/2024 18:23

Haretodayswantomorrow · 02/05/2024 07:51

This kind of lying has always annoyed me more than the sort of lying that’s happening because they can’t cope with there being consequences/getting caught.

it was an utterly pointless lie. Like a 5 year old making up random stuff at school with no actual reason to do so. The level of detail “I ate one bite, I ate my crisps, then ate the rest” is weird. Why even bring it up?? It’s like he wanted to tell a lie and see if you noticed or challenged it?

I often wonder if these are just men stuck in a very early developmental phase (experimenting with lies, how you can bend reality, what will people question and what will they just believe, finding the boundaries) or it’s just some really weird low grade power play?

Whatever it is it gives me the ick and destroys trust because it shows a pattern of thinking and behaviour that’s not normal. Lying for lying sake isn’t ever normal.

Ugh this!!!!!

I had a “friend”
who I made a birthday cake for. She went on and on about how she took it to work and everyone loved it. Went to her place for dinner a few days after and saw it in the fridge. Have just thought she’s weird ever since. Being an adult is not telling stupid lies for no reason.

LBFseBrom · 02/05/2024 18:52

Me neither!

CloudyYellow · 02/05/2024 18:59

You need to get out more. Ridiculous post.

ItsAllMadness24 · 02/05/2024 19:00

Butty didn't need to even mention the butty, butty did.

5128gap · 02/05/2024 19:05

NeverEnoughPants · 02/05/2024 07:49

Has the word 'butty' gone all weird for anyone else?

Indeed it has. He said he'd eaten his butty, butty didn't. Butty he did try to butty me up by saying he ate his butty. Butty lied.

WhichEllie · 03/05/2024 00:52

Completely unrelated, but this thread reminds me of the time when I was maybe 6 and my parents were annoyed at one another over something, so in retaliation my (American) father got me saying “hoagie” instead of sandwich. Mum was beside herself. Grin

Avocadorable · 03/05/2024 01:08

jesus wept …….. did he or did he not eat the butty ? That … cannot…. Be the question ?’.. 🤭

NeverHeardOfSuchTosh · 03/05/2024 11:18

CloudyYellow · 02/05/2024 18:59

You need to get out more. Ridiculous post.

Some people have obviously got nothing more to worry about than a bloody "butty"

Sharonparren · 03/05/2024 11:37

NeverEnoughPants · 02/05/2024 07:49

Has the word 'butty' gone all weird for anyone else?

Absolutely!

if someone was lying to me about such trivial stuff I would be wondering what I was doing to make them feel they couldn’t be honest. Sounds to me like he’s a bit scared of you

Northernladdette · 06/05/2024 11:57

I think you need to ask yourself why he felt he needed to lie about his ‘sandwich’ 🤔🤔

TinyFlamingo · 06/05/2024 11:59

Lost all me meaning!

Swanfeet · 06/05/2024 12:05

Please stop saying the word ‘butty’!!

I think if this is all you have to be annoyed about then count yourself very lucky…and maybe stop making his lunch for him! 😆

Reallyneedsaholiday · 06/05/2024 12:12

Maybe if he didn't lie, she wouldn't feel the need to overthink things

Emmz1510 · 06/05/2024 13:10

Mmmm yes slightly weird on several levels. Was the client he met for lunch the same one that he had been with when you met up with him for a quick drink after lunch? As in he’d been with that client all afternoon?
If so, why concoct the story about the sandwich being eaten? Unless his thought process was ‘she’s going to be offended I’ve met someone for lunch and not ate the sandwich she made so I’ll pre-empt this question by saying that I did eat it so as not to hurt her feelings’. On the odd occasion I’ve made my OH a packed lunch I’d have been slightly pissed if he didn’t eat it but obviously if something came up and he’d ended up eating out I would have understood.
Then maybe during the later discussion he forgot he already fibbed to you about this?
Or as someone said the greedy get ate two lunches and was too embarrassed to admit it!
Either way he’s made a pigs ear of that white lie! Only you know if he’s got form for stupid lies and whether you’ve reason not to trust him

CosyLemur · 06/05/2024 13:45

Honestly I'd be asking myself why he felt that he couldn't tell you that he hadn't eaten the sandwich, or had 2 lunches. Do you have a history of being upset if he doesn't eat what you make or have you ever made any comment even in jest about his eating habits?

beanii · 06/05/2024 13:57

Butty? Unless it was bacon or chips you've used the word butty wrong 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

On a serious note, he said he'd eaten it so it didn't upset you - nothing more.

If this is as tough as life gets then you're doing ok.

takemeawayagain · 06/05/2024 14:04

Have you asked him why he lied about it? Was it because he ate both? Because you'd made the butty and he wanted to look appreciative? Because he enjoys the power trip of getting one over on you?

SillyLemonZebra · 06/05/2024 14:06

No1toldmeaboutit · 02/05/2024 07:41

Met my DP after work yesterday, he was with a client so he told me to come and meet them and we had a quick drink. On our way home he asked if I had my lunch, I said yes, i had made butties that we had took to work, he then told me he had one bite of his butty and then ate all his crisps and then finished the butty.

Later on in the evening he mentioned having met the client for lunch and that he didn’t have his butty. I called him on this and he started deflecting. I have no issue with him meeting people for lunch but I am so annoyed that he actually made up a complete story about his butty. I hadn’t even brought up lunch, he did.

he’s now telling me I’m being stupid, it’s just over a butty but alls I keep thinking is what else does he lie about. I know it’s just a butty but AIBU to be annoyed?

I am so charmed by the word ‘butty’ 😍. I’ll have his if he doesn’t want it ♥️

whynotwhatknot · 06/05/2024 14:42

Why did he bring it up in the first place just to lie

odd

dapsnotplimsolls · 06/05/2024 14:52

Leave The Butty.

ChampagneLassie · 06/05/2024 14:56

Haretodayswantomorrow · 02/05/2024 07:51

This kind of lying has always annoyed me more than the sort of lying that’s happening because they can’t cope with there being consequences/getting caught.

it was an utterly pointless lie. Like a 5 year old making up random stuff at school with no actual reason to do so. The level of detail “I ate one bite, I ate my crisps, then ate the rest” is weird. Why even bring it up?? It’s like he wanted to tell a lie and see if you noticed or challenged it?

I often wonder if these are just men stuck in a very early developmental phase (experimenting with lies, how you can bend reality, what will people question and what will they just believe, finding the boundaries) or it’s just some really weird low grade power play?

Whatever it is it gives me the ick and destroys trust because it shows a pattern of thinking and behaviour that’s not normal. Lying for lying sake isn’t ever normal.

Hits nail on head. I’m bearing this in mind in case of coming across this behaviour again.

notmycrow · 06/05/2024 15:08

You lost me because of the 100 times you used the word butty.

And why both discuss several times in detail about your lunches, are these really normal conversations you have with each other.

FrogTheWarrior · 06/05/2024 15:09

Who knew Ali G was on mumsnet?

MsJinks · 06/05/2024 15:16

Some folk just chat sh*t for no apparent reason except to literally just pronounce a string of words I think. It does bewilder me why but also I start to think any conversation is going to be pointless as I’ll just be listening to a lot of words that mean nothing and it ultimately doesn’t matter what I say in response then - truth or lies - till the whole effort of having a conversation is pointless and it’s all just too surreal for me - might as well read a good book instead.
However, they’re not necessarily bad people or necessarily doing it for bad (or even insane) reasons so there’s no need to stop any relationship over this weird habit if you’re happy with them, happy with their values/loyalty or whatever is important to you.
One guy told me he felt he was being too vulnerable by telling the truth (even about his dinner) so liked to do little stories when asked something 🤷🏼‍♀️ - he was also a salesman and a bit of a player, and very charming. However another, who was in fact a fun and loyal friend, never said but we all knew she had very low self esteem - probably started covering that off and expanded as it became second nature perhaps.
You know if he tends to be the big me up type, story teller, just trying to be really nice to you or whatever - and probably know when you’d need to be worried- and whether you can just ride with it or whether to try and retrain him?