DP lied

[No1toldmeaboutit]

Met my DP after work yesterday, he was with a client so he told me to come and meet them and we had a quick drink. On our way home he asked if I had my lunch, I said yes, i had made butties that we had took to work, he then told me he had one bite of his butty and then ate all his crisps and then finished the butty.

Later on in the evening he mentioned having met the client for lunch and that he didn’t have his butty. I called him on this and he started deflecting. I have no issue with him meeting people for lunch but I am so annoyed that he actually made up a complete story about his butty. I hadn’t even brought up lunch, he did.

he’s now telling me I’m being stupid, it’s just over a butty but alls I keep thinking is what else does he lie about. I know it’s just a butty but AIBU to be annoyed?

It matters for exactly that reason, because it’s an absolutely ridiculous thing to lie about, and not only that but OP didn’t even bring lunch up, he did.

Lying about tiny things with good intentions/reasoning is acceptable in some cases, but lying over ridiculous things is suspicious considering he has just brushed OP off by deflecting and telling her she’s being silly instead of just saying something like ‘’Oh, I’m sorry, I just didn’t want to be asked 20 questions at the time about the client’’ or whatever.

I’m usually quite a chilled out person, and had my partner said to me ‘’oh I met a client for lunch today I’d reply ‘’oh, yes? Did you enjoy it?’’ But lying is one thing I cannot stand.

Absolutely.

What's worse is having a Welsh exH and instinctively translating the word into 'mate' every time before correcting it to my northern roots. All right, butty?

I came to say this.

Personally I'd consider it a red flag because my ex used to lie about the most pointless unnecessary things just to lie. It feels like a character trait to me. I don't like lying.

This is exactly how I feel! People brushing it off as if it’s nothing, but point is, why? And why bring lunch up in the first place then blame OP for being silly instead of just calmly explaining why he lied and laugh it off? It’s quite a big red flag 🚩 to me. When you’ve had experience of these kind of things it makes you far wiser to it.

I'm enlightened as I've never heard of a butty outside of a chip butty!

It's all a bit odd as to why he asked you if you had eaten lunch and then described the manner in which he had eaten his referencing the crisps etc.

People are brushing this off because they don't understand what is going on.

He lied because he wanted to later create an argument. If there had been any shame about not eating the sandwich, or about eating sandwich and lunch, the last thing he would do is voluntarily bring up lunch for no reason. Twice.

but what these types of people do is create arguments to feed their narrative (to you) that you are 'difficult', 'stupid' or 'too sensitive'. It's part of twisting your sense of reality. And if you seek clarification from others, you get, 'it's just a sandwich!' and 'well haven't you ever told a white lie?' - just like on this thread.

So I certainly would be leaving the bastard, because I guarantee that's what this man is.

Or, alternatively, and I hate to be the one to say this, but something may have happened with this ‘’client’’ or he fancies her and feels guilty, it was playing on his mind and he brought it up, then got too unnecessarily descriptive telling an alternative story about what happened at lunch because he felt uncomfortable. Then when he brought it up again, rather than think on his feet of a reason why he lied, he deflected on to OP on purpose to get the spotlight off himself.

just to clarify the client is male not female and he invited me to come and meet with them for a drink after I finished work which I did. Its not unusual that he goes for a drink/lunch with clients, it’s part of his job

Do you ever get annoyed if he doesn’t eat his butty or has two lunches?

I can’t think why he would lie about this, unless it causes issues.

I can’t stand liars but it annoys me when the lies are completely unnecessary.

Buttygate.

This thread is like peak Mumsnet!

Language snobbery, LTB, he must be cheating... All we need is a tinkly laugh and some ducks in a row and we'll be laughing!

It's the ease of the lie isn't it?

Why bring it up in the first place? It's weird. Does he have some residual guilt from not eating all his tea as a kid.

Worra knob.

Yes - I literally feel the same - ha ha!

For some reason i thought a 'butty' was a roll or bread with butter on (and maybe chips stuffed in it), i am now really fancying one of these!!

I am assuming that the OP is referring to a sandwich!?

Isn't it just; I've always loathed the word, and I speak as someone originally from Merseyside. It just makes me cringe. If that makes me a snob, so be it! 🤷‍♀️ 😅

"Shall I change it to sandwich so you can all rest easy 🤣"

Yes, please do! Just don't make it "sarnie" as that's just as bloody bad! Brings back memories of primary school, with the dinner lady screeching "SARNIEEEEEES!" all over the playground, to call in the packed lunches kids for their sitting! 😅

He lied about eating his sandwich because he didn't want you to be upset that you hadn't eaten it. I think you must be quite hard work, OP, if a thing like that bothers you

But why bring it up in the first place? The OP didn't ask nor gave a shit.

And I don't give a shit about your comment either.

Bless your heart man. I hope your day gets better so you don't snarl your way through the day. Better one tomorrow.

The irony of you calling OP hard work when you apparently don't know how to have a conversation like a normal person 😂

I'm with you OP, I hate people who lie for no reason about shit that doesn't matter, it feels so juvenile.

Excuse me but we've some way to go yet... the Mumsnet chicken has yet to arrive... on a frustrating note, I fancy a butty now...

One thing I've learned with compulsive liars/fantasists is that they lie about the tiniest things with no reason at all (They're not necessarily covering something up)
It can turn out they did indeed serve in the foreign legion but for no reason at all they lied about seeing an elderly neighbour and helping her to retrieve a box from the back of her garage. That stuff does my head in and I can't be around it.
Before we set fire to him though as an offering to the Butty Gods maybe he just didn't like it?
In which case he's just an ungrateful bastard.
Oh let's just burn him anyway

Im not from here and just Googled 'butty' hahahaha.

"Butty" is ruined forever for me now