Not to use birth control at 45

[IDontLikeMondays88]

DH tried for baby number 2 for about 2 years without success. We stopped trying as I moved job.
however I am now established in new job and thinking perhaps we gave up too easily.
pregnancy probably unlikely at 45 but would I be unreasonable not to actively try but not to use birth control and see what happens

@Getonwitit for most it's not a choice. Either not meeting the right person or donkeys years of trying.
Op and many others can't exactly turn the clock back to pop kids out in their 20s.

Op it's a couple of years beyond my cut of point. I had my second at 42 and I'd already made up my mind if none of my frozen embryos made it it's time to give up.
My worries aren't so much about an unhealthy baby there tests available for a reason but more not being healthy enough to support them into adulthood.

It's funny how your outrage extends only to your own situation. Being 'done by age 30' is not the ideal on here, if op was 25 and considering not using contraception she'd be crucified.

Sorry, I don’t understand your point.

Yes you do.

No, I genuinely don’t. Why would a 25 year-old who wanted to conceive be “crucified” when every post talks about how it’s best to have kids in your twenties if you can?

It's up to you, but there is no difference in physiological terms between 'actively trying' and 'not using birth control', if you are having sex regularly.

She has a four year old though, I doubt she is having spontaneous sex as often as a TTC couple would…

Women do get pregnant at 45, it's less likely the older you are ( unless you're in eastenders or emmerdale of course 😉)
So if you are not willing to risk it, have a coil fitted

I think if you are both in good health ,financially secure ,feel up to the challenge of mature parenting ( as you already had a child late you will know what some of that entails, I had my last at 41) and have had the conversations around what you would do if scans showed a disability , then fair enough! As ever, it’s would you regret it of you did try versus would you regret it if you didnt! I’m still enjoying being a parent in my 50’s and I would have made a rubbish parent earlier in my life.

In the name of balance, impregnation on other TV shows is available. 😀

My sister had her planned, much wanted, much loved daughter at 46 . She’s fab, my sister is fab , and now with a teenager is still young in outlook , and fit . It took so long to conceive, I think she is just delighted to have her . Their ages just don’t seem important, they just adore her .

I wouldn't but I'm not you.

If you're comfortable with the what if's, then go for it. Personally I don't think I'd want to risk pregnancy at 45 but I was done at 30.

it is really hard - I can see all the logical reasons not to even think about having another one very well. Life is pretty good as a three. Certainly it would be easier to be a three.
but I just have a niggle about.
then, even if we did try it might not happen - it didn’t previously.

Was your other child a fertility baby?
If you want another child I'd consider that route.
But if you don't then I think you should take precautions.

It's not unreasonable. It's entirely yours and your partners decision.

Personally no. But I was done with my 2 by 23! So our situations are entirely different

No my other child was conceived without assistance

I had my second by ivf at 45 I believe the odds were 15% but naturally it would be much lower

I think you'd be mad.

45, no problem but dealing with a teenager in your sixties, god no.

Then in turn they'd have to deal with you in your seventies in their twenties.

Selfish.

I was 39 when I had my last as met my husband mid 30s. Husband had a vasectomy when I was 42 (he has one bio child) as I felt 40 was definitely my cut-off point.

We wouldn’t be having children so they can look after us in our old age. Don’t think anyone can assume that their children will actively look after them as pensioners.

“Deal with you in your seventies”?

What exactly is it about a person in their seventies that a twenty something can’t deal with?! Jesus the ageism.

I've got 5 friends who had babies around 45. They're all doing really well.
There are negatives and positives for it. One of the positives would be for your dc to have a sibling and family as being older parents, the fact is that they'll get less time with their parents.
That's not meant to make anyone feel bad as many parents die young too.
It's the luck of the draw and you can only go with what you feel.

@Unopenedpackofmenssocks

I agree. Apparently at 40 you’re completely knackered and over the hill, so god knows what these people think of 70yr olds. My parents and in-laws are in their 70s and are probably fitter than me!

In my close friendship group, 3 people have lost both parents and 4 have lost one parent. None were due to old age, half of those tragically died when they were in their 20-30s.

If you want it, go for it, but I’d be prepared to put some effort in with regards to optimum diet, regular sex etc as you might as well give it your best shot for a couple of years.

Similar. I lost my father in his fifties and my mother in her mid sixties, both to cancer that was just bad luck rather than age or lifestyle related.

My parents in law are mid and late seventies, physically and mentally fit and very socially active. They are in no way hard to deal with and don’t need any support. In fact MIL is still supporting her own mother, who is in her nineties and in a care home.