To expect 16 yr old to acknowledge my birthday

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I probably am being unreasonable so just tell me straight.
Would you expect your 16 year old to acknowledge your birthday with either a card/small present or at least to just say happy birthday?
Was my birthday last week and my DS just doesn't seem to even notice. Was the same with mothers day. Now I don't expect anything but I feel that at his age he now has the money and opportunity to at the very least buy a card? He has a small friendship group and they all buy cards and presents for each other which he always participates in, gifts can be £20-30. He buys them in good time, never forgets etc so I have to admit to feeling a little sad that on my birthday he didn't get me a card or present (fair enough I can get over that) but he doesn't even say happy birthday. Was the same last year too. AIBU?

I’d be upset too. Have you asked why he doesn’t acknowledge those days?

He should be doing both. I must admit I think it might go over my son's head completely if I didn't casually hint it was almost my birthday though. He's the same age.

I’d say to him that as he didn’t acknowledge your birthday he’s obviously not ‘doing’ birthdays anymore, so from now on does he want you to ignore his?

Have you taught him to do yours? Are you giving him warning? Is he the only other member of your family? Does he actually know it’s your birthday?

At 16, my son would have needed to be reminded (he still does at 22).

I also didn't expect my 16 year old to spend his money on me. He was still in school with the odd shift at his Saturday job. He was not spending a penny on me.

My son didn’t wish me happy birthday a couple of weeks ago. When dh spoke to him at bedtime and reminded him “you’ve not even said happy birthday to mum today”. The response from son was “and?” Dh was furious at the level of contempt and ds is now living elsewhere!

ds is 22 (and has autism not that, that’s an excuse)

no, it’s not acceptable, it’s rude, it’s dismissive and outrageously disrespectful. Why doesn’t he just grow up and tell you you don’t matter instead of just implying it by his actions?

Im not actually suggesting that you don’t matter but wtf are they playing at?

I wouldn’t acknowledge his birthday at all. No warning, no heads up. Let them see what it feels like.

I’d be disappointed that he was thoughtless. I’d sit him down and tell him straight that there are things we do in life that are important, and this includes acknowledging birthdays, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, or whatever matter to you. These are social norms, and YANBU to expect a card and a small gift. Even a bar of Dairy Milk with a homemade card won’t break his piggy bank.

What’s your relationship like generally/outwith this issue?

Me too, and I’d spend the budget on something nice for me. Wouldn’t hesitate.

This OP.

To be honest I've just thought to myself that I'm expecting too much from him so I've not asked.

Yes its rude and it has left you feeling upset. He needs to know this. He may or may not care, if he doesn't then dont make a huge deal of his when it comes around. He is old enough to say Happy Birthday!!

Strange question but does he know the date on any random day. The amount of people who could not tell you the date on whatever day of the week not to mind say if it is a loved one birthday.

To be honest I've just thought to myself that I'm expecting too much from him so I've not asked.

He can buy presents for his friends but its expecting too much for him to acknowledge his one and only mothers birthday? Fuck no. He doesn't deem yours important enough.

Hurtful at that age and you need to speak to him about it.

Did you do anything as a family that day? Go out for dinner etc?

Did you receive anything from anyone else (i.e. Birthday cards up around the house)? If so, it wouldn't hard for him to conclude it's your Birthday.

I wouldn't say anything but I would very much forget his Birthday next time.

Then it’s time you valued yourself a damn sight higher. Is he home? Go ask him right now

He's not even saying Happy Birthday. This is awful!!

As others have said showing you care doesn't have to cost lots of take lots of time.

Is it just the two of you? Did you speak to him about Mother's Day when he didn't bother? If not, why not.

My DS is 15.5 and while I won’t expect him to spend money on me as he doesn’t currently work, I will expect him to make a fuss of me on my next birthday. Mind you, I’m fairly vocal about my birthdays, I start talking about them at least 10 days in advance.😂

On my last birthday, he made me a cup of tea and helped make a special meal. We do make abit of a thing of birthdays on our family though, the birthday person expects to be fussed over.

I’d be more far vocal about your expectations next year, OP!

Did he know it was your birthday?

Please don’t ever think this way. People (even children) will exploit this. Show him you deserve to be treated with kindness.

His dad is a waste of space but when he was younger another family member of mine would always take him out to buy a small present or at least a card. They didn't have to and I never asked or expected it and i was always very grateful to them but as he's got older he doesn't see this family member as often and they probably assume he is capable of buying a card on his own now.
I didn't give warning as such but he was aware of it as I've mentioned it a couple of times in the week before it in front of him in general conversation.
This mothers day I was talking to him before bed so was quite late and said something about mothers day and he said oh yeah that was today. Not even oh yeah happy mothers day I forgot just oh yeah it was today.

Yanbu, people love to excuse shitty teen behaviour as them being teens or front brain not formed etc . But he can use his brain to buy a friend a present so surely he knows to do the same for his mother.

Is this how he is going to treat his girlfriend or wife I wonder? He's not going to have a very happy life, is he?