People who work have anxiety too

[Fedupandgrump]

Anyone else on the verge of a breakdown with work, kids, mortgage and cost of living?

I’ve read a lot of threads recently about people with mental health conditions worried about being forced into employment when they feel as though they would not be able to cope. Whilst I sympathise, it’s come at a time where I am completely overwhelmed, burnt out and wonder how the fuck I’m going to get through the week. I treat myself to a half hour sob in Sainsburys car park every couple of days and I wake up every morning with dread, fear and anxiety about what the day will hold. However, I go and work because I. Have. No. Choice. I have two kids and a mad dog that relies on me and my husband to keep our shit together and a roof over our heads. Every day I can feel my heart racing and I feel permanently like I’m in fight or flight mode and I wonder if this is going to lead to a premature heart attack in my 30’s.

I sometimes feel like people who don’t work due to poor mental health thinks those of us who do work, are suffering less than them. I know IAMBU but I can’t help the way I feel at the minute.

You realise you are contradicting yourself right?

One minute you are adamant that if there were no benefits people with disabilities would get a job

The next you are using the example of people supported by family, charity or begging to prove it

You literally disproved your own point 🙄

38.6% of pip claims where the main claim is anxiety are successful

Fifty per cent of pip claims where the main claim is depressive disorder are successful.

List of main claims

www.benefitsandwork.co.uk/personal-independence-payment-pip/success-rates

I felt the same after 30 years of Nursing dealing with the most horrendous sights/ deaths etc. I used to hope I crashed my car on the way to work.
I can't imagine the horror that HCP went through during covid and can completely understand why so many are traumatized now. I am so pleased I left Nursing in 2018 otherwise I think I probably would not be here now.

There are a few people on here that have undoubtedly had severe MH issues that have taken a long time to heal (if at all) but I'm not sure that they are the mental health 'norm' either, surely they are at the extreme end? and I doubt they would be expected to do anything other than try and get well in any system.

I have not read all the responses in the thread but as someone who has to assess peoples mental health, I hate the fact that people correlate the severity of someones mental illness in relation to their capacity to work. A person who is unable to work doesn't necessarily have worser mental health than a person who is working.

Well I suppose that’s kind of the point. I can’t have that kind of breakdown because you are right, the business wouldn’t survive, we would lose our home and our employees would lose their jobs. The problem is that taking time off sick would have the same result which is why I don’t consider it to be an option. Maybe it means I’m not actually doing that bad if I’m not contemplating liquidating the company, selling our house and letting the council house us just yet.

Don’t worry, our employees definitely don’t have a grin and bear it approach. They are mostly lovely but crikey we’ve had some impressive excuses for not turning up to work over the past couple of years (one of the more memorable ones was a mum calling to say her 22 year old son wouldn’t be in on Monday as he was “extremely tired” 🙈)

Life is really hard for a lot of people. It’s sad that it has become this way. It’s sad that not only do people not feel happiness out of life but they actively dread it. I don’t know the answer..

I think expectations are a real issue. What we think is "hard" is nothing on what human life has been like for millennia.

Why is modern life considered so "hard" compared to say, 200 years ago

That's not true! There's several groups of medications that help with anxiety. And there are NHS talking therapies, they might be hard to access with long waiting lists (which are triaged) but they are there. Just in case your post puts off anyone who's struggling asking for help.

It’s not a race to the bottom. Or it shouldn’t be at least.

Spot on!! 100% this....most people just try to keep going...however, there is a large tranche of people to whom benefits is a lifestyle choice....

Am with you OP yanbu!! it is tough life is very tough at the moment...

I don’t know about therapy as never sought it but there is certainly medication. Sertraline worked very well for me.

Too much simplification of a complex issue. There are too many nuances, everyone is just arguing for the sake of feeling they have a point to make.

I work in mental health, everyone has different situations, symptoms, roles, responsibilities, needs etc and the balance is struck differently for every single one. Stop trying to look at things at face value and shoe horning everyone into silos.

Its yet again Tory government propaganda trying to split the masses.

Trigger warning

but when I was suicidal I was probably my most productive at work in a desperate bid to cover it up. I felt like people could practically smell it on me although people had no idea until I sought help and actually took time away to recover.

I couldn’t agree with you more OP

sending lots of love and 💐

OP, I was once like you, was on my knees with stress family issues but would not take any time off as I felt I had to work to keep going.

However, last summer we had some HUIGE HUGE trauma within our home. I was already stressed and depressed like yourself but I had a complete breakdown. SO much so that I could not even get out of bed, let alone go to work.

I understand where you are coming from, I really do. I was once that person who judged people on benefits but let me tell you, what happened to us last year as a family really humbled me so if I were you I would go and get some help now before you really really are on your knees.

And also, never judge, you never know how people are feeling mentally. You don't know why they cannot go to work and I hope to you never have to know.

I hear ya! Single mum with a mortgage, small child, 3 dogs, work for a charity that offers shit sick pay options, so I have to drag myself out of bed every day because if I don't no one will pay my bills for me.....I'd love to be self indulgent for once but unfortunately it'll have to wait until I retire, which is looking likely to be in about 30 years time. Which makes me want to cry all over again.

It is facts not propaganda the cost of benefits is huge and growing....I know people who don't work, nothing wrong with them and off on holiday meanwhile those in work are working and battling to keep their heads above water....

Yes I know that is not all but I'd hazard a guess a fair enough proportion! They just laugh and have no intention of working they are on the gravy train....

The working age population simply can’t afford to support so many economically inactive people. Supporting the education and healthcare of children, the pensions and healthcare of the elderly and the PIP and healthcare of the very severely disabled is a big enough burden on the taxpayer.

I think people forget that the implications of high taxation are really detrimental to everyone’s quality of life. It results in low growth and lost investment. This leads to jobs moving overseas, a lower risk appetite and fewer entrepreneurs Willing to grow their businesses. This means the tax take is reduced and there is less money for government to spend on all those lovely things that make up our civil society. It’s a downward spiral.

So true. I have a fb feed which comes up with pictures from history and one came up the other days with miners crammed into crates doubled over packed in like sardines. It actually made me cry thinking how that was their existence underground day in day out and a bath once a week . Must have been an awful existence.
I'm really not sure what the problem is today. There are certain things which tip me over the top like being stuck in traffic for 40 mins each day for a 4 mile journey, some elements of boredom of my job. etc but overall nothing compared to what others have to put up with.
I think a lot of the problem is both parents working, or more lone parents which means it's harder for the one with the kids. The juggling when my kids were young was certainly hard as my dh worked all week then I worked all weekend, nights, evenings etc., it was relentless and incredibly stressful. I wonder whether it's the expectations of striving for a decent career, comparing ourselves to others etc , thinking we need the latest things or foreign holidays. people have so many money pressures these days, huge mortgages, loans etc.
I also think there's a lack of community these days. When I was little ( seventies) all the neighbours knew each other , we were in and out of each others homes, people would do favors for each other, mind each others kids. Now there is a massive worry if your kid gets sent home form nursery and you need to work or you're running late in traffic. It's all these little stresses that build up and tip people over the edge. It's harder in a different way to years ago.

Sadly this thread shows that for many it is just that. I guess the Tories and their devisive politics is working.

instead of looking at the major problems in this country people are arguing for the most vulnerable in society to be thrown to the lions.

Exactly. This sort of crap is what the Tories want. It is their fault that you are suffering, OP. Not the fault of people on benefits.

I do.

I set up a business with my partner and designed it within my comfort zone. Not everyone can do that though.

Because it's my own business I don't get sick pay and it doesn't pay enough for us to live on entirely. I picked up another job which I can do from home which doesn't pay much either but helps.

I get high mobility PIP because I can't go anywhere on my own. We use that to make up for the income we would have if I wasn't ill and DP wasn't caring for me. I want to work, and I think almost everyone does. I do think that putting yourself out there after a MH episode which can throw your confidence in the bin is really hard.

Agree. Modern ‘suffering’ is very different to what it was like for 99% of humankind

I think you understood perfectly well and some of us know what you're saying. And that's another sneering poster whose jibes about your work history you don't have to take on board.

I think you just don’t get it OP, or more likely you’re deliberately not getting it.

Saying that you just couldn’t have that sort of breakdown, because you run a business, implies you believe there is choice for people having a mental health crisis that makes them unable to work. The fact that you can think it’s a choice shows that you are very much more ok than some other people.

A friend of mine had a mental health crisis many years ago. She very much needed to be able to get on with it, ‘had no choice’ etc as she ran her own business, was a single parent to 3 children aged 6-12 (her husband died) and her mum had early onset dementia. It didn’t stop her from completely falling apart. When it came to it, she wasn’t in control. If it wasn’t for a couple of family members and us as her friends rallying around, her kids would have had to go into care. She lost her business. She very nearly lost her house at the time and in fact did have to sell it as a consequence of her mental health a few years later.

Gold star to you though for being superior. 🙄🙄🙄

I think before (maybe 40/50 years ago), life was more physically hard but tasks were relatively simple and expectations were simple. These days you are expected to keep many plates spinning and deliver more and more and more with less and less and less. I used to feel life was ok but the last decade has really taken it out of me and after the pandemic I was expecting to feel more positive, but the COL whilst being given nothing in return from my employer financially but their constant demands increasing I am finding a struggle.