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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

People who work have anxiety too

1000 replies

Fedupandgrump · 30/04/2024 13:44

Anyone else on the verge of a breakdown with work, kids, mortgage and cost of living?

I’ve read a lot of threads recently about people with mental health conditions worried about being forced into employment when they feel as though they would not be able to cope. Whilst I sympathise, it’s come at a time where I am completely overwhelmed, burnt out and wonder how the fuck I’m going to get through the week. I treat myself to a half hour sob in Sainsburys car park every couple of days and I wake up every morning with dread, fear and anxiety about what the day will hold. However, I go and work because I. Have. No. Choice. I have two kids and a mad dog that relies on me and my husband to keep our shit together and a roof over our heads. Every day I can feel my heart racing and I feel permanently like I’m in fight or flight mode and I wonder if this is going to lead to a premature heart attack in my 30’s.

I sometimes feel like people who don’t work due to poor mental health thinks those of us who do work, are suffering less than them. I know IAMBU but I can’t help the way I feel at the minute.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
HauntedBungalow · 30/04/2024 16:54

EmilyTjP · 30/04/2024 16:53

But why is this happening? Could it be because parents aren’t teaching their children resilience?

Probably because the country is bankrupt and there's no healthcare.

Pin0cchio · 30/04/2024 16:54

Blueysworld123

I think there's a valid point about people being pulled between employment and family responsibilities don't 100% agree with the vital "housewife gap".

Through history women have always worked. In agriculture, food production & preparation, making clothes. I do think women with babies and toddlers were able to spend more time with them, and this is significant.

But this idea of a housewife who's sole job was looking after home and family is a bit of a 20th century phenomenon and actually, modern appliances have significantly reduced the labour needed in the home. Few people will make clothes from scratch for the whole family other than as a hobby, food does not need to be shopped for daily, most people buy bread ready made, we have hoovers and effective cleaning products. Most people aren't tending to and harvesting a kitchen garden.

Boomer55 · 30/04/2024 16:55

IClaudine · 30/04/2024 16:42

You don't get "signed off" to receive PIP. You can claim it if you are working. Put in a claim and if succesful use the money to make some part of your life easier.

Edited

Exactly. PIP isn’t an out of work benefit. People can claim it, working or not. ESA is the out of work benefit.

Tahinii · 30/04/2024 16:57

Life is really hard for a lot of people. It’s sad that it has become this way. It’s sad that not only do people not feel happiness out of life but they actively dread it. I don’t know the answer..

DragonFly98 · 30/04/2024 16:57

some people can't go to work though even though they have to. That's not to minimise your anxiety bit there is a difference between being able to force yourself despite being mentally unwell and being unable to no matter what.

FloofyBird · 30/04/2024 16:58

SublimeLemonHead · 30/04/2024 14:20

Taking those benefits away is not going to suddenly make them able to work

Not for everyone. For a decent percentage though I suspect if benefits were stopped they'd suddenly be able to work.

Op yanbu at all.

Either that or they'd die. Win win to some people I suppose

Sirzy · 30/04/2024 16:58

For those that think PIP is handed out like candy at party have you have had to actually apply for it? Have you seen the form and information needed?

https://www.advicenow.org.uk/know-hows/personal-independence-payment-pip-activities-descriptors-and-points that shows the scoring system. To score enough points to qualify due to mental health issues you have to have significant problems. Many people who should be entitled won’t get it because they can’t fill in the form correctly or don’t have enough evidence of needs.

Personal Independence Payment (PIP) activities, descriptors and points

Whether or not you are entitled to PIP is based on how your illness and treatment affects you and what help you need with very specific things. Here, we explain everything you need to understand about how PIP works - whether you are applying for it, pr...

https://www.advicenow.org.uk/know-hows/personal-independence-payment-pip-activities-descriptors-and-points

Bibnle636 · 30/04/2024 16:58

EmilyTjP · 30/04/2024 16:53

But why is this happening? Could it be because parents aren’t teaching their children resilience?

My autistic anxious children probably have more resilience in their little finger than you do in your whole body. Parents not teaching resilience is such an ignorant suggestion to trot out.

Babyroobs · 30/04/2024 17:01

Imagine if everyone on this thread with severe anxiety and depression who is working put in a claim for PIP . The benefit bill would be enormous would be enormous. i think they do need to look at awarding it for people working, especially when able to work full time. Fair enough for people with mobility issues, needing taxis etc to access work but people claiming it whilst working full time, what descriptors are they actually being awarded points on ? Someone said on another thread that most people claiming PIP are working, that's not my experience as an advisor. I really don't think a huge amount of people working can be getting full PIP for anxiety and depression. Would be interested if anyone has any stats.

CorinneA42 · 30/04/2024 17:02

I feel the same. I don't cry often but I am filled with dread, I think about being signed off work all the time but I keep going...

I8toys · 30/04/2024 17:03

I agree with you. Work keeps me distracted from so many issues at the moment. Cancer, dementia so many things to deal with. I've suffered for 30+ years and never had a day off because of my anxiety and depression. Its not a brag or competitive comment. I've let it control me enough throughout my life and I refuse to let it beat me down any further. The doctor offered to sign me off recently but I said I was scared I'd lose my job . I also didn't want time off as I know I would dwell on everything going on and I need to earn money and keep some form of normality in my life.

Tahinii · 30/04/2024 17:03

Babyroobs · 30/04/2024 17:01

Imagine if everyone on this thread with severe anxiety and depression who is working put in a claim for PIP . The benefit bill would be enormous would be enormous. i think they do need to look at awarding it for people working, especially when able to work full time. Fair enough for people with mobility issues, needing taxis etc to access work but people claiming it whilst working full time, what descriptors are they actually being awarded points on ? Someone said on another thread that most people claiming PIP are working, that's not my experience as an advisor. I really don't think a huge amount of people working can be getting full PIP for anxiety and depression. Would be interested if anyone has any stats.

Edited

What are the statistics - I wonder - on people who work and claim PIP? I shall google.

Boomer55 · 30/04/2024 17:04

DLA/PIP are not out of work benefits. Many work and claim PIP.🙄

EmilyTjP · 30/04/2024 17:04

Bibnle636 · 30/04/2024 16:58

My autistic anxious children probably have more resilience in their little finger than you do in your whole body. Parents not teaching resilience is such an ignorant suggestion to trot out.

You know nothing about me.

noctilucentcloud · 30/04/2024 17:05

Fedupandgrump · 30/04/2024 16:23

Thanks to everyone who’s taken the time to respond. Unfortunately, my DH and I own a small company together and are responsible for a handful of employees so being signed off is something we simply wouldn’t be able to do. Reading some of the responses helps to put things into perspective though, some of you are suffering far more than I am and I’m sorry for sounding completely self-absorbed. I just feel a bit like I’m drowning and it’s hard to think logically at the minute.

Genuine question - what would you or your husband do if one of you had to take time off for a physical illness, such as cancer, or because you were in an accident? Have you got any contingency or would you feel the same that you absolutely could not take any time off?

Babyroobs · 30/04/2024 17:05

I8toys · 30/04/2024 17:03

I agree with you. Work keeps me distracted from so many issues at the moment. Cancer, dementia so many things to deal with. I've suffered for 30+ years and never had a day off because of my anxiety and depression. Its not a brag or competitive comment. I've let it control me enough throughout my life and I refuse to let it beat me down any further. The doctor offered to sign me off recently but I said I was scared I'd lose my job . I also didn't want time off as I know I would dwell on everything going on and I need to earn money and keep some form of normality in my life.

Everyone in my small office is depressed or has anxiety. Mostly menopause related. One is in therapy, one suffered the most horrendous trauma but amazingly has managed to come back to work with good support. None would meet the criteria for PIP . We are fortunate to have good employers and we support each other.

Bibnle636 · 30/04/2024 17:05

EmilyTjP · 30/04/2024 17:04

You know nothing about me.

You know nothing about people struggling with anxiety so don’t make ridiculous suggestions.

Verv · 30/04/2024 17:05

My head is absolutely caned most of the time and i'm fairly sure I've worked through a breakdown after a particularly traumatic bereavement.
I think there's a huge number of people who work despite MH issues / burnout depression / anxiety etc.

Octavia64 · 30/04/2024 17:06

Some more information for those who may not be aware of this.

In the U.K. there has been a general closing of mental and long stay hospitals and a policy of care on the community. This has been happening for some time.

An awful lot of mental illness - dissociation, psychosis, ptsd etc comes about because people are placed into stressful conditions that they can't cope with. Some people cope better than others. They get anxious and sometimes depressed about those conditions, which is their mind's way to telling them to change something.

If they don't then it often (not always) escalates. What it escalates to varies - one person may get psychosis and lose touch with reality. One person might develop epilepsy like symptoms (non-epileptic fits). One person might have flashbacks to violent situations and be violent as they think they are in the past.

There are limited places in hospitals and generally people are only on hospital fpr as short time as they system can manage because the beds are hugely in demand.

To the person who asked is it cyclical - sort of.

Imagine someone who develops anorexia. They are "cured", after a shortish hospital stay and many years of therapy/work with their family. But if they are under stress again it's likely to come back. Think of it as like having a weak ankle or a weak knee. If you overdo the exercise on it you can sprain it again very easily.

So anyone who has had severe mental illness at any point is advised to keep a look out for the symptoms of it again. They're generally advised to reduce stress.

They aren't kept in long term hospital because those are expensive and paying people PIP is a lot cheaper.

Some of those people will recover and be able to work in low stress jobs. Some won't.
And some employers bluntly won't want them.

Most employers want an able-bodied employee who can work flexible hours and is qualified for the job. Anybody who is disabled tends to be less likely to get a job and that applies whether it is physical disability (wheelchair or similar) or mental disability.

Worldwide, people with mental health problems are treated in many different ways. In Ghana they are considered witches and will be chained and beaten. In countries without a benefits system they are mostly supported by families or by charity because every country in the world recognises that some people are too disabled to work.

In China I have seen people without legs on skateboards begging for money because in China there is no benefits system and without family you must beg. No Meaningful state healthcare either so no wheelchairs.

To the poster who said that without benefits people with mental health problems would get a job - no. Dementia is mental health problem. Would you give a job to someone with early onset dementia who cannot remember who they are and what they are doing?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 30/04/2024 17:07

I've been there and it's not fun.

However, I could make it out of the door and into work (just about, I'm not entirely sure how sometimes) - which is more than DP could manage, as he couldn't even leave the house and struggled hugely with the idea of leaving the safety of underneath the duvet for ages. Mind you, he couldn't cope with the demand of seeing the doctor or claiming benefit either, so he wasn't the target of Tory Party rhetoric to get votes in the run up to a General Election, either.

Lookwhosbackbackagain · 30/04/2024 17:08

I’m sorry you’re having a tough time OP but I’m not sure what your point is? You think no-one should go off sick because you can’t? If I was in the state you’re in and if (if!) my job allowed paid sick leave I think I would take it tbh. That or try and find another job.

Strictlymad · 30/04/2024 17:08

I totally agree op, that doesn’t mean do nothing about your mental health, but quitting is not it- you can have medication, talk therapy, assess your routine and make adjustments to take the edge off and enable coping, but just throwing the towel in is not good.

Babyroobs · 30/04/2024 17:09

Tahinii · 30/04/2024 17:03

What are the statistics - I wonder - on people who work and claim PIP? I shall google.

I was thinking more for people working and getting PIP for anxiety and depression. I guess a lot are awarded it for a combination of mental and physical health. It's just that as an advisor, all my clients who have been awarded PIP for MH do not work at all.

passtheajax · 30/04/2024 17:09

I worked all my life with severe anxiety and on and off depression. I just took medication to deal with it. It was only towards the end that I developed severe depression and became suicidal that I had to quit. I was experiencing some very strange dissociative symptoms that meant I wasn't safe to be doing my job (HCP).

I just have a menial job now and it's fine. Part time and no stress. Working is good for people, but even I never realised just how bad depression can feel. Anxiety is easier to medicate I think. Depression can be trickier to deal with enough so you can work. I used to wish I could crash my car and die instead of doing my shift.

Bibnle636 · 30/04/2024 17:10

Strictlymad · 30/04/2024 17:08

I totally agree op, that doesn’t mean do nothing about your mental health, but quitting is not it- you can have medication, talk therapy, assess your routine and make adjustments to take the edge off and enable coping, but just throwing the towel in is not good.

There isn’t medication for anxiety, there is no talk therapy available on the nhs…

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