People who work have anxiety too

[Fedupandgrump]

Anyone else on the verge of a breakdown with work, kids, mortgage and cost of living?

I’ve read a lot of threads recently about people with mental health conditions worried about being forced into employment when they feel as though they would not be able to cope. Whilst I sympathise, it’s come at a time where I am completely overwhelmed, burnt out and wonder how the fuck I’m going to get through the week. I treat myself to a half hour sob in Sainsburys car park every couple of days and I wake up every morning with dread, fear and anxiety about what the day will hold. However, I go and work because I. Have. No. Choice. I have two kids and a mad dog that relies on me and my husband to keep our shit together and a roof over our heads. Every day I can feel my heart racing and I feel permanently like I’m in fight or flight mode and I wonder if this is going to lead to a premature heart attack in my 30’s.

I sometimes feel like people who don’t work due to poor mental health thinks those of us who do work, are suffering less than them. I know IAMBU but I can’t help the way I feel at the minute.

Yes op, I absolutely agree with you.

Completely agree!

I am literally in the edge of a breakdown every single day. But I still go to work. I’ve had several really bad episodes of anxiety and clinical depression in my life and not once did I think ‘I’ll quit my job and go on benefits’ I thought , keep going , you’ve got a family to support ( single parent at the time)

Yup. I honestly believe I won’t make it to old old age. I’m constantly in fight or flight. I don’t even have the headspace to think about how to make things better.
Im sending you good wishes. Will await a magic answer …

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.

Have you actually done anything like go to the GP to have your anxiety diagnosed and get you signed off work?

People don't get PIP and DLA just for shits and giggles. Usually they've actually been seen, assessed and diagnosed by a medical professional. I recommend you do the same if you are struggling.

YANBU. I am keeping my shit together but only just. Holding on by my fingernails. I had a car park cry just two days ago! I have to keep going because I have NO CHOICE. I'm not going to work everyday because it's easy breezy and I'm finding life simple. I'm going because I can't not.

So you not think that if you're in constant high anxiety mode,worried you'll have a heart attack any day etc that actually having some time off work / speaking to the doctor / making your health a priority is the way you protect your family?

Absolutely plenty of people in work have been to the GP and diagnosed. Many are on medication and on therapy and still not coping.

I'm self employed, how can I support my family if I am signed off?

I do understand where you're coming from as I work full time with severe and enduring mental health issues (although for me, work is one of the protective factors and I'd struggle to stay afloat without it).

But I think we can have compassion and empathy for everyone who has poor mental health, however that manifests itself.

I’ve never been that stressed - so I know I’m fortunate - but I have never thought that there was an alternative to working. I’ve never expected not to work - never thought I should be a SAHM, for example. We needed the money. I’m not in a position to retire at 57, but I’ll probably do some part time work, and if I didn’t have a VR opportunity I’d be still working for several more years at least. My mum worked once we were both at school (mid 1970s) and I think that makes a difference. The women I’ve known (few) who have been SAHM had DMs who also didn’t work.

We can't keep getting 'signed off'!

Life has to go on and bills need paying somehow

I totally agree. However, you could speak to a GP and get some much needed signed off time to look after yourself. Are you choosing not to?

I have anxiety (diagnosed and medicated), I also probably have much better coping strategies than someone with similar levels of anxiety who is unable to cope with work/social life. I don't know if becoming unemployed, being on long term sick leave will help with my anxiety. I believe it will make it worse as a big part of coping is developing distress tolerance which means facing the very situations that make me anxious.
I may not fully understand what goes on in the mind of someone who is unable to work due to anxiety but I allow the possibility that their experience, and coping skills and strategies are vastly different from my own.

OP, what you don’t realise is that people who feel so bad now that don't work because of anxiety, were once people like you, who worked with anxiety for years!

But, at one point something happened to them, and they couldn't work anymore! Imagine something terrible will happen now in your personal life: losing a close relative; being a witness of a horrible crime; being a victim of sexual assault; being betrayed in a horrible way etc. How do you think you'll mentally cope going to work if you already are on the edge with your mental health now? That you need half an hour sob in a Sainsbury's car park?

OP please go to your GP and talk about your anxiety, because apparently you don’t realise how poorly you feel.

Have you been to see your GP? I have to keep going as an unpaid carer but have been prescribed meds which help.

I think that's an incredibly unfair comment. I have several treatment-resistant depression (among other things). I've made suicide attempts, self harmed enough to need A&E and have come close to being sectioned. I am on multiple medications and see a psychiatrist weekly because I'm at a significant risk. Does that not sound like proper depression to you? As it happens, I also work full time.

Has it occured to you that the people who aren't working may just be very disabled? And maybe you aren't as disabled as them? The lack of empathy for a condition you also suffer from is obnoxious. Or maybe you think regular stress is anxiety? Do you think all anxiety is experienced the same?

No critical thinking on here.

*severe not several!

This has happened to me.....I'm still working. I have no choice! I need income and a business to keep afloat otherwise we'll be on the street.

How will the country keep going if we're all signed off? Once people give up work and start claiming benefits that allow then to stay home permanently, there is no incentive to go back. They are almost always out of work forever. That's not sustainable.

It's not a competition though.
You sound resentful. (Not a dig.)
I'm sorry things are shit right now.
I hope you get a break/ the help you need.

I'm really sorry you're all feeling like this. You say you're on the verge of a breakdown. Well, breakdowns happen and then you can't go to work because you have to, you can't go because you can't get out of bed or wash or clothe yourself. Survival in the most basic sense then takes over as the priority.

How you are feeling has nothing to do with other people who claim benefits. Taking those benefits away is not going to suddenly make them able to work - that's even if you disregard the facts of getting a job and keeping a job are quite difficult. It all starts with putting your feet on the floor and if you can't do that, nobody can starve you out of it.

"I sometimes feel like people who don’t work due to poor mental health thinks those of us who do work, are suffering less than them. "

It's not a competition as to who is suffering more.

I don't think people who don't work because of mental illness are thinking anything at all about the suffering (or lack) of people who are working.

They are just unwell, which is shit.

Some people are able to work and others aren't. Those who are too ill to work should be supported.

I just think they have found a way through
I never feel people who quit due to mental health are saying they have it worse than me, they are just giving context to why they don't work.....and maybe they have the right idea.

I feel very very similar OP I am about to burn out.
I know someone who had a heart attack in her 40s for similar reasons and quit to become self employed as a life coach....but not sure that's any less stressful. Just different stress.