People who work have anxiety too

[Fedupandgrump]

Anyone else on the verge of a breakdown with work, kids, mortgage and cost of living?

I’ve read a lot of threads recently about people with mental health conditions worried about being forced into employment when they feel as though they would not be able to cope. Whilst I sympathise, it’s come at a time where I am completely overwhelmed, burnt out and wonder how the fuck I’m going to get through the week. I treat myself to a half hour sob in Sainsburys car park every couple of days and I wake up every morning with dread, fear and anxiety about what the day will hold. However, I go and work because I. Have. No. Choice. I have two kids and a mad dog that relies on me and my husband to keep our shit together and a roof over our heads. Every day I can feel my heart racing and I feel permanently like I’m in fight or flight mode and I wonder if this is going to lead to a premature heart attack in my 30’s.

I sometimes feel like people who don’t work due to poor mental health thinks those of us who do work, are suffering less than them. I know IAMBU but I can’t help the way I feel at the minute.

Well you actually shut down all your emotions, instead of dealing with it! That's not healthy because when something will trigger you, for example another hard life event you'll feel worse and there's no guarantee you'll be able to put it in a box. In the meantime you have lack of empathy towards other people and it affects every other person around you.

On the same note, not everyone is capable of "put it in a box and sealed the lid shut". Can you acknowledge it? Or you think people like to feel terrible, having suicidal thoughts, collapse at work etc.? I understand your lack of empathy, but surely you still have your logical side and understand that nobody wants to live counting pennies and being poor, because that's what people experience while living off benefits and not working at all.

In my experience, it's an absolute lottery whether you have a workplace that can make it possible to work with mental health issues. Especially when the place you work needs to have policies that support, a leadership team that make those policies work and managers that work to those values.

I'm lucky enough to work somewhere that has my back. My anxiety/stress/depression literally shuts me down sometimes. I can barely communicate and it's only sheer love for my children that keeps my trying every single day.

I had a major breakdown and was signed off work for a while, I'm having ongoing treatment and I do get a decent amount of good days in comparison to what I was dealing with. But, and here's the kicker the bad days are fucking awful and finding an employer that can accept this and roll with the adjustments needed to not only stay in your job but still be worthwhile in it is like gold dust. I can't even imagine trying to run my own company in this state.

That's what keeps people signed off on long term sick who have good days. The good days aren't the problem, it's the bad fuckers. Throw in a working structure that can not (in all fairness not all jobs can) or will not flex to adapt to keeping people in the right space to be able to work and it's much better for a lot of people to remain signed off and have the government foot the bill, because dealing with the added stress of whether you'll take home less money, be sacked, be humiliated etc just makes it impossible.

I know that if I didn't have support back then, and continuing support right now there's absolutely no way I'd survive applying for jobs and securing a new one. It would probably finish me off.

I don't judge people who are signed off with anxiety/stress/depression...it's no fucking picnic jumping through DWP hoops to get that money. But equally I absolutely agree there's no where near enough acknowledgement or support for those of us who are struggling just as much as many not all of the people signed off on the sick.

Waking up with the feeling that your chest is literally being crushed because you have to face another day is horrendous whether employed or not.

They either end up in hospital. Or have carers. Or family end up looking after them. Or, god forbid, they fall through the cracks, and/ or the system fails them and they decide to end the problem themselves.
Disability benefits are not used To buy fags and booze, or whatever else the government/media want us all to believe. they pay towards care, therapy, childcare, pet sitters, dog walkers, food delivery , etc etc. creative budgeting is required. Benefits are not princely sums.

At the end of the day, life as a disabled person is hard, whether you work or not. We should all be supporting each other, not blindly walking into the governments rhetoric of divide and conquer.

life is hard all around. Support each other.

They would get a job if the State did not pay. Look at countries with no benefits. People in those countries have family support them , charity or they beg. Harsh but it is also the truth. Talking about people who have or say they have anxiety.

Please see your GP.

I've left my anxiety to get to the point last week I genuinely thought I was having a heart attack. I've had panic attacks for years, but this was horrific. I was with my daughter and had to pretend nothing was wrong on public transport.

I went to my GP and have been signed off, referred to therapy and given some medication to support me.

Don't suffer in silence.

@FlippyFloppyShoe They either kill themselves, get sectioned, end up homeless and lose their families (as happened to my dh's peer support worker) or they are married to someone like me, who has to give up her own job to care for a man she no longer recognises. When he was first admitted to hospital I felt like running away myself and never setting eyes on him again. However, I realised he was very ill and stood by him, we'd been married for many years, had dc and I hope he would have stood by me if it had been the other way around. We lost our beautiful home, we now just about scrape by financially and our lifestyle has changed drastically. There are so many unpaid carers doing the same job as me, taken for granted, suffering ourselves with the stress and strain of it all, that's how many of these people survive in life. I, also would like know when he will get better and perhaps then my life can start again.

I’m a single parent and I know how you feel op. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and on meds for years. I continue to go to work each week.

I've had complex PTSD for 45 years and have always managed to work full time because it gives me purpose.
Also it's incredibly important to get the right medication and psychiatric care. I would not have managed without that.
I have found my ideal dose of escitalopram which has completely stopped the panic attacks, I only have occasional anxiety and I have had NHS mental health therapy. I have access to to a psychiatrist if I feel I'm going downhill.
My various GPs over the years have been absolutely useless I have to say, I only got better when I was referred to the mental health team and had medication properly prescribed by their psychiatrist.
I work in the NHS myself which is pretty stressful.

I’ve had several people in my life who have had severe depression, both just before lockdown. They both had several months off work to start with and both eventually resigned from their jobs as they couldn’t face going back in. Both got private CBT counselling. One threw herself into doing what she could to recover, so exercising daily, at home at first, the at a gym. Ate properly, really followed a good diet. Got herself a home working job for minimal pay and over the next couple of years built it up from there. She had a mortgage to pay so knew that benefits wouldn’t be an option going forward.

The other didn’t return to work at all, finished her CBT and didn’t make any inroads to get herself back in the world. She lives with her parents, who haven’t encouraged her to get employment and she’s now losing her independence in increments, first she stopped driving, and now is agoraphobic. She spends much of her life now gaming.

so in my experience I think you have to keep pushing yourself, in small manageable steps to get back into the world after depression. Or your world will contract

Also, I don’t know how many times it needs saying but PIP can be claimed by those who also work and are disabled! It is not means tested. It can help.

It depends on the person, some end with suicide, some die, some are able to go back to normal life for years, some end up in jail for harming other people while having psychotic episodes etc.
A lot of people don't understand how bad they feel, because most of the time it happens gradually and it hits you when is really bad.

I'm increasingly starting to think this way too

I agree. I have a fairly big job, kids to manage and bills to pay. I've been on anti-depressants on and off for years to manage my anxiety. Lockdown almost pushed me over the edge - 2 adults working full time at home with a 3 and 5 year old. I suppose I could get signed off but not sure that would help. I'd just be anxious about not working and I can't afford to jeopardise my career.

For example what kind of countries? I'm sure all normal countries support disabled people who can't work.

“The real enemy”? Are you aware that the top 1% of earners pay about 25% of all taxes. Is that who you think is the “enemy”?

im not one of the 1% but given their economic contribution, i wouldn’t call them my “enemy”

I persisted in continuing to go to work years ago when I was to ill to be there. My GP issued sick notes and I tore them up. 5 days after I did go sick I was in a psychiatric hospital as an in patient. I went on to recover and continue to work, but I'd say that anyone who's on the verge of a breakdown needs to listen to what their body and their mind is telling them. Sometimes you really are too sick to work.

Yes I agree so much. I've struggled my whole life tbh, severity varies. I've spent at least half of today's working day in a horrible ill feeling of abject panic today as I feel so unwell. But I can't afford to take any more time off work.

Can I join in the pisisng congest?

OP I'm extremely sorry you're going through this and I think you have had to go through it to understand.

I hope you don't get any worse and find a way to improve.

However you haven't I clue about my MH. You don't know that I haven't had children because it's im too unstable and it would be selfish to have kids.

I worked very hard for a very long time until the wheels smashed off. I doubt I'll ever work full time again. If I'd had had help sooner, help that incidentally doesn't exist atm maybe things would have been different. I think.

This isn't a them and us situation. People are far more likely to pretend they're fine than pretend they're not. I am thoroughly ashamed about how unstable, depressed I am etc etc.

What do you mean by “normal countries”? Many countries have little to no state benefits at all.

OP, if you're that ill, you should look into applying for PIP yourself. Its not means tested - many on PIP actually DO work.

For people saying that getting signed off is a slippery slope - I soldiered on like lots of posters here, planned my suicide (hoping life insurance would keep my husband and kids going financially, I don't know if it would, my mind wasn't exactly functioning at the time), had a breakdown where my body physically collapsed, finally got signed off for a couple of months on full pay which gave me the space to start to recover, hand in my notice and find another job that doesn't make me want to die. I wish I'd done it sooner. I wish everyone had the safety net of sick leave that pays enough to keep them going - or benefits if that's what they need - and support to find work that is achievable and manageable if they are capable of it.

I don't see the value of a system that forces people to work until they break. I know that couple of months saved my lives and mean my children still have a mother. For some people, a couple of months might not be enough, even a couple of years might not be, but if we had a functioning health care system and mental health support along with compassionate workplace policies maybe we would mostly be happier, more productive and better contributors to society as a whole - especially if we were all capable of empathy towards others and got rid of a callous and pointless attitude of 'just get on with it'.

@Fedupandgrump 100 percent agree with you.

Lots of workers really suffer from anxiety and poor mental health and get not a penny in benefits- and are sometimes worse off.

It’s tough. Maybe you might be eligible for a benefit if you are really struggling?

Government of the day attacks the welfare system for the 3rd time in their tenure and the gullible idiots doff their caps and accept the message and off they go judging whether those on benefits deserve the pittance they are paid, those of you who continue to work well done good for you hope that makes you feel able to judge those who cannot, those people who are living on the breadline unable to improve their lot in life, why are people in this country so bloody gullible smh

So if you couldn't survive financially if you didn't work (and presumably claimed benefits) what does that say about the amount given in state support? Or do you mean that you wouldn't have the standard of living you have now (including mortgage)?

All those people saying they work because they have no choice - well that's what you want, isn't it? You've obviously realised that the government will not provide you with a generous lifestyle without it.

And those listing off their medicated conditions and the fact they work full time, that really doesn't add anything to the debate as capacity to work is judged on just that - capacity. Which many of you are saying, quite openly, you have.

I am always amazed at people's tendency to view themselves as the ultimate example of depression, anxiety etc. Everyone is different and I am very scared of the trajectory this country has taken and the lack of empathy that I see regularly displayed here.

I agree op