Birthdays - does no one bother any more?

[brightyellowflower]

Feeling a little upset. It was my 40th birthday last week, and not one of my friends got me a card or a present.

For context, they're wealthier than me and all 4 of them have thrown a party for their 40th's. I have attended all of the parties and taken decent presents beautifully wrapped and obviously a card!

I can't afford to hold a birthday party.

AIBU to think that despite me not having a party, they could have at least bought me a nice card if nothing else? Or do I need to accept that if I want a present, I need to host a party?

They all wished me Happy birthday on social media. Not actually in person.

In total I got 4 cards for my 'big' birthday - one off my husband, one of the kids, one off my brother and one off my uncle. That's it. I know you don't give to receive, but all of their presents were thoughfully bought.

I usually avoid the issue of people forgetting my birthday by going away and doing something for me that I like.

But you have alll made me realise why my daughter also got zero presents or cards off her friends for her birthday - because we didn't do a party.

This is entirely normal for children. Children don’t generally have money or the means / impetus to buy presents, and your daughter’s friends’ parents aren’t keeping a calendar of the birthdays of all the children their own child knows: they will only know it’s your daughter’s birthday if they are actively told it is because their child has been invited to a birthday party. So yes, if your daughter wants presents then she needs to have a birthday party.

Presumably this isn’t the first year your friends haven’t bought you presents? If they habitually don’t buy you presents yet you continue to buy for them year after year and then get upset that they don’t see this as an indication to reciprocate, you’re just setting yourself up time and time again for disappointment.

That is just such a sweeping generalisation. My friendship group always do a card and if a big birthday so 40 and latterly 50 a collection with a gift card we think the person would like. That is whether or not they are having a party or do and regardless, if they are having a celebration, whether we can go or not.

I know from looking at their FB posts that they are also buying presents and and their other friends are also buying them presents for their significant birthdays. Those friends of friends of friends I assume also do it for their groups of friends an so on and so on. There's a bloody lot of card shops about to say no one is buying cards. Some people don't obviously but not everyone - and I do get that card buying is going a bit out of fashion but let's not throw our hands up and say everyone is thoughtless, no one makes any effort.

She didn't throw her child a party and expected her friends to turn up and give presents anyway. Or maybe take them into school for her - either way it was the other children't parents who should have KNOWN it was her child's birthday and figured out a way to get a present to the poor little mite on the day.
Has to be a wind up.

@brightyellowflower you are definitely wrong to blame social media for the lack of birthday presents for your DC. My eldest DC was at primary school before social media was a thing and it was the same then. You bring a present to a party, otherwise not. You may not like it but that's how it is.