When someone dies.....

[Curlygirl06]

Posting here for traffic.

We recently had a death in the wider family, and trying to sort the admin stuff out has been problematic. There were half filled out insurance policy forms, bank account applications etc, and with a lot of stuff now being online it's difficult to sort out what's what and what's not. Didn't help that they were hoarders and their filing system was a bit erratic.

My filing system is pretty good-I could lay my hands on most stuff immediately (well, I will after I've put away the latest pile of paperwork!) but so much stuff is on my phone and laptop, with passwords and security codes stored by them that it would be difficult to get to it all.
Thinking of the future, I've started making a list of EVERYTHING. Bank accounts, pension details, insurance policies, passport numbers, addresses, phone numbers, you name it, I'm listing it, so that when the time comes my adult children won't have to spend hours looking for stuff, it'll all be in one place. When they need the actual paper version of it, it'll be in the relevant files (hopefully!)

Not everyone will want to do this, or have the time to do it but if you can, please do. The wasted hours that are going into hunting for things that may or may not exist is very frustrating. Thank you.

It's a good idea. Me and husband have an envelope with our stuff, given we have separate finances.

Tell us once is available online to notify a bunch of agencies also.

Such a good idea! If I died DH would have no clue who our mortgage is with ditto life and house insurance or even who we get our gas/electricity from!
When DF passed away DSis and I spent hours going through bank statements. DM didn’t have a clue what came in and what went out. They had 27 direct debits going out!! DF had never shopped around for home insurance or broadband. They were paying an astronomical amount out!
Then hours on the phone negotiating with all the payees.

My DH almost dued a few weeks ago and the stress of not knowing hiw to access certain things made a difficult situation far more stressful.

Thankfully he's recovering and this is this weeks job

There's also the issue of banks needing to be told they have died. I heard on Woman's Hour about a service that will do a few, not all, rather than having people calling asking for the deceased. Tell Us Once is the DWP official one but there's also https://www.deathnotificationservice.co.uk/ I remember the endless calls chasing missed payments being pretty hard on me when DM died.

I did this before having major surgery this year. Got everything into an envelope (and planned my funeral). I really don’t think it’s fair to leave people with a mess to sort out when they’re already dealing with grief.

I did the same - major health scare where I nearly died. Made me set up my Will and POA too!

I download important docs and save on my pc and email to myself.

A death box/book!

Yes, I have this. My DC knows exactly where the book with all passwords and logins is kept. Where my will is. Where all documents related to everything are kept. Ds has power of attorney.

I'm 52. I don't want to be run over by a bus or have my parachute fail to open (joke!) and my DC have to deal with the fallout (sorry!). I want to make it as easy as possible for them to just sort out admin and them to have their inheritance.

I was thinking of doing this a little while ago. And asked dh to write all his stuff down.

Tbh I need to do it for myself now as I am finding it increasingly difficult to remember all The logins etc....

My dad used to have the ‘big brown envelope.’ We all knew where it was and he’d hand it over to my uncle/ aunt when they/ we were going away. We have something similar now

Yes I'm thinking I need to get round to this too. List everything so it's not a pain in the arse for whoever has to deal with it! Also thinking of helping parents to declutter their houses hopefully long before they go, so we can get things done together and not during a really difficult time

I’d be clueless if DH died unexpectedly as he likes dealing with the finances

I remember searching ( with Dad ) grandmas flat to find her will that she was secretive of ( she didnt have much , bless her )
We found a receipt from a solicitors office in a pot on her dressing table , and the mystery was solved

I’m getting a list of important bits sorted this weekend

Glad it’s not just me! I’ve found that people find this quite shocking? I found it comforting to take back some control at a time I had very little.

Another thing that should be taken into consideration is simplifying your affairs and where possible handing things down ahead of time.

If you pass away with lots of individual share holdings they can be a real arse to sort out. Transfer them to an IM so they're all together and they're easier to sell. Or sell them yourself.

If you have lots of bank accounts, it's easy to miss one. Consolidate into one bank.

If you have valuable possessions like jewellery or antique furniture, make inventories. Make sure your family / children / beneficiaries know what there is. Or hand them down well in advance.

If you have life insurance policies, check they're up to date and make sure your executors know about them.

After my father passed away it took forever to work out how many bank accounts and ISAs there were. None with much in them, but all with different banks or IMs.

He was still holding onto share holdings he inherited. They weren't even in his name.

He had lots of life insurance policies. All but one had lapsed or were no longer valid.

It was hell to sort out.

Consolidate. Simplify.

I know this is American but there must be something similar in the UK:

https://www.thenokbox.com/

Yep good idea. Not only that, but declutter your home. Do you want you kids going through all your stuff? Save them the hassle.

I agree. I’ve done this already and I was 35 at the time. Instructions for everything… except I still haven’t sorted out my will 🙈

Yes, good advice, I've been getting immediate family to do this. I think it's more problematic than it used to be, with so much being online and no statements or other reminders coming in the post.

Yep my dh has no idea what bank accounts I've got, and I've got a few! He's got a couple that even he didn't know about.

I'm doing a few bits every evening, rather than all at once and although I do all the admin here, even I forgot about the premium bonds. It's surprising what you can find that you know about but not necessarily anyone else does.

I work part time for a funeral director...not the admin, but helping at funerals and collecting the deceased
But it would be helpful if people, especially older people or those who are ill...no actually everyone has the conversation about what they want at the funeral and what they want to do with their remains
For example, and this was years before I got this job, I was at a funeral of a rather eccentric old lady who I knew had planned on being buried with her parents, she had never married and was an only child so I surprised it was going to be a cremation. After the service I spoke to her cousin who was organising things and asked "wasn't it possible to bury her with her parents" thinking perhaps there wasn't room...it turns out she had assumed her cousin knew this and thankfully he was able to inter the ashes there otherwise she would have been scattered at sea!

🫣

Yes, I agree. I also put in my letter of wishes any hymns/music I wanted and flowers etc. I really struggled to find one or two songs that summed mum up and she would have known that meant something. No one wants to go out to Come On Eileen or something because DC reckon you must have loved the 80's!

Thanks for the reminder @Curlygirl06
I did do this a few years ago, but I am also a person who tries to review all payments, bills, bank accounts, savings, etc at least once a year, and I'm afraid the list I did then is very much out of date.

I do think a "What to do when I die" envelope given to adult dc, or your spouse, partner, siblings, or whoever might be going to have to sort things out is a great idea.
So they know your funeral wishes (though I think it's good to speak about those things fairly often anyway - including if you can donate organs); who (friends and family) to contact - and keeping those details up to date); password to get into your phone or laptop or wherever you keep info; they know where your will is; then all the things suggested.

Everyone always says passwords, but actually if someone has passed away you shouldn't be accessing their account with their log in.
You do need to know all the accounts etc that exist but you will still need to inform the bank & do it all through official channels - although of course if you don't keep an eye on someone's emails you may miss something, even though you shouldn't really be logging into their email account...

Couldn't agree more. We're having a direct cremation, I've told everyone. I'd be bloody cross if the family didn't respect that, I'd come back and haunt them!

I'm really pleased to see that there are people who have done the same as me. Talking to one friend, they said it was morbid and they wouldn't do it. That's fine, each to their own, but why would you leave your family to hunt for stuff that they might not know they had to hunt for?
For various reasons I've had a lot of experience with tax, pensions and probate. However, not everyone has and if it's the first time of administering a deceased relatives estate, it can be very daunting.