When someone dies.....

[Curlygirl06]

Posting here for traffic.

We recently had a death in the wider family, and trying to sort the admin stuff out has been problematic. There were half filled out insurance policy forms, bank account applications etc, and with a lot of stuff now being online it's difficult to sort out what's what and what's not. Didn't help that they were hoarders and their filing system was a bit erratic.

My filing system is pretty good-I could lay my hands on most stuff immediately (well, I will after I've put away the latest pile of paperwork!) but so much stuff is on my phone and laptop, with passwords and security codes stored by them that it would be difficult to get to it all.
Thinking of the future, I've started making a list of EVERYTHING. Bank accounts, pension details, insurance policies, passport numbers, addresses, phone numbers, you name it, I'm listing it, so that when the time comes my adult children won't have to spend hours looking for stuff, it'll all be in one place. When they need the actual paper version of it, it'll be in the relevant files (hopefully!)

Not everyone will want to do this, or have the time to do it but if you can, please do. The wasted hours that are going into hunting for things that may or may not exist is very frustrating. Thank you.

It's a really good idea. When my Dad died, we were massively helped by the fact that he'd filed everything, methodically, in order. It made a difficult process much, much easier!

This, you are not supposed to share your passwords, everything should be done through the official channels.

I currently have cancer and tbh not sure I’m going to make it - hey ho - I’ve started a book for DP with each page specifically headed eg Page 1 is Bank of Scotland Page 2 is Santander Page 10 is Gas and Electric etc.

@Curlygirl06
"Thinking of the future, I've started making a list of EVERYTHING. Bank accounts, pension details, insurance policies, passport numbers, addresses, phone numbers, you name it, I'm listing it, so that when the time comes my adult children won't have to spend hours looking for stuff, it'll all be in one place. When they need the actual paper version of it, it'll be in the relevant files (hopefully!)"

I am retired and I did this some years ago;
I wrote down for my DS, a list of all my bank accounts.
All, other income (in my case there are several very small personal pensions).
All my usernames and passwords for laptop, kindle, phone, etc
I have not (yet) added passport numbers, but will add these as well.
Basically, I wrote it all down, and gave to my DS, because obviously if I am out, this could get stolen and used to log onto my laptop, so giving to my adult DS who does not live with me, seemed the best thing.
I have NOT given him the log onto bank details, but just the account details, because if I die, then he would need to do this properly through propate.
However, I have also considered the possibility of being incapacitated, and he also have the LPoA, so could deal with my affairs if needed.

My mum & dad had what they jokingly called the “death box “😂
in that box they had at least one orginal bank / saving account details statement so we knew exactly what bank accounts and savings they had

They also had a diary with all the passwords for the online accounts / phones and email address

The had life insurance documents
along with card for will safe ( so we knew where to get the will from ) solicitors details who dealt with the will ( who was the lovely mumblechum on Mumsnet )

copies of house insurance and car insurance
along with car log book and stuff

They kept photo copies of driving licence and passport so we had all the details of this in case we couldn’t find them

details of funeral plans marriage certificate and national insurance numbers and pensions details

My parents were well organised 😂

it made things really easy as we didn’t have to think about looking for stuff as we had everything to hand

Exactly! The relative who has died had half filled out application forms for insurance companies and it's not known if they were ever properly filled out and executed. If you have bank account details, it's easy to check if direct debits are paid to any insurance companies, so at least you have a starting point.

My dad did this - everything put together. I was able to do probate myself with very little trouble. Top tip for couples with separate bank accounts - anyone who is not the primary earner / pays the mortgage its worth being put on as a named person on each others bank accounts, that way everything continues to run while you sort it out. My husband and I are in the process of doing this now.

I've done this. I've got an electronic version, and I print it out once a year and put it in the 'big red file'.
Unfortunately if I pop my clogs it will be a shit show. But at least I've tried...

I use Last Pass and a close friend can get into everything through that.

I did exactly this @Curlygirl06 after my dad died as it was awful to sort everything out, I call it the death file to my sons and is in a metal box file with all important documents. I even put a leaflet in for the direct cremation company I used and they know I don't want them to waste money on a funeral!

The worst, or funniest whichever way your humour goes, was trying to deal with Virgin who, after I'd told them dad had died insisted that they couldn't deal with me but only the account holder👻....... fortunately I have a dark sense of humour🤦‍♀️!!

I was chatting to my middle daughter recently (we were talking about long gone pets) and I said that I wanted my ashes mixed with those of my old dogs and scattered in places we loved to walk. This led to a discussion with me saying I wanted the cheapest cremation possible and everyone to have a party afterwards. I really must write it all down, because she may well have forgotten the entire discussion (hopefully) by the time I go - or her brothers and sisters might not believe her when she says 'what Mum said she wanted'!

You really don't need login details as you should not be accessing any accounts that are not jointly held with you until you have informed the banks of the death of the account holder anyway . Plus putting passwords on a paper list is a seriously bad idea

However having a list all of the details of all basic information like all account and policy name, who the account or policy is with and account numbers etc plus who you have direct debits with etc is a really good idea. Ideally on paper so the executor can access it easily without having to access a digital account or email or laptop with password etc .

Having this on paper is enough as the executor has to send death certificates anyway and then the organisation will arrange for you to access the accounts via new passwords anyway

You do have to update the list regularly though ( at least once a year),otherwise it becomes out of date every quickly

I think most email servers companies now allow you to nominate to access your account if you die so that is worth looking looking into too and adding to the list of info

I've been a will executor twice in the last few years and it is always quite a bit of hassle to be honest but it is much easier if you know who you need to contact to inform.of the person's death so I that starts with a list of all financial accounts of any sort

My late mum was brilliant in so many ways, one of the kindest things she did for me was to make dealing with the paperwork after she died very easy. An old briefcase containing 10 or so A4 envelopes, each one contained different stuff - a) pension, b) bank stuff, c) life insurance etc etc.

It made things so much easier during an incredibly hard time.

Yes, unfortunately my friend lost her mother in a house fire - the mother was meticulous and had everything in order. Everything was in plastic wallets which had melted with the heat of the fire - it was all backed up on hard drive, the pc was destroyed in the fire

Great advice @Curlygirl06 .

Thank you for this information. My siblings and I are currently caring for my mother who is in the final stages of terminal cancer. I have been dreading all the admin that I know lies ahead, however it looks like these services will make it much more straightforward. Sadly, my mum gave us no indication of what she wanted for her funeral etc. This process has made me realise that I don't ever want to put my DS in this position.

Companies like https://keylu.com/features will do this for you and with you - helps you to have access when you forget anything and you can organise someone to have access to everything when you die so it is all in one place. Some companies will also offer to do the notifications to government and banks to save your family doing it. And not too expensive done for peace of mind!

I do wish MIL had done this.

After FIL died, she had a long friendship (and the rest) with someone coyly known to the immediate family as 'my good friend Robert' -- going on holiday with him, sharing family Christmases with his children and so on. I was startled to find after she died that none of us knew his address, contact details or even surname to let them know.

My father died without putting his affairs in order; I suspect that he didn't like to consider his mortality.......apparently, this is not unknown.
Winding up an estate without a will was an added stress at a very sad time, but we got there in the end.
Partly with this in mind, I obtained a book with the cheery title "I'm Dead, Now What?"
(Peter Pauper Press), which has pages to be filled in, with prompts.
As it is an American publication, some caution is needed about differences in legal systems, but the prompts and reminders are useful.
Thoroughly depressing when filling it all out for the first time, but a useful gathering point for information.
For use in the UK, there is also "What to Do When Someone Dies" from the Which? organisation; the step-by-step instructions on winding up an estate will give you a better idea of what will be required.

fully agree, my mum died suddenly in Feb at only 57 and she’d hoarded paperwork back to the 90s it was everywhere and I probably ended up binning important stuff whilst trying to sift through it all and had to order birth certificates, divorce decree etc all again. The death box is such a good idea

@TopKat28 I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’d also mention that (from my own experience), each company I dealt with after my Mum died had their own ‘bereavement’ dept, everyone from the banks through to the telly licence people. It made things much easier, everyone I spoke to were great and were very adept at handling missing information etc.

I've just been through this with lovely FIL. He kept pretty good records. This is what I've learnt as really useful.

Life assurance, a small amount, just to cover the funeral and wake, so £10k that pays out immediately upon death and you can easily pay for the funeral etc.

A 'when I die' spreadsheet (I have one on Google spreadsheets) that is shared and visible for my husband and children and business partner to list everything important, especially:-

Date of birth
Place of birth - needed for death certificate
National insurance number - surprisingly hard to find out if you don't already know!
Driving licence number
Passport number

A separate list somewhere safe of passwords OR set up on your phone and make sure your husband and trusted persons can access your phone

A list of all your bank accounts, pensions, ISA'S, customer reference and which company each product is held with.

A list kept of all monetary gifts made so that calculating the 7 yr IHT is straightforward.

A list of regular gifts from income that are exempt from IHT.

My parents had a "death file". Along with all the usual stuff they also included their choice of music/songs at their funerals, what poems they wanted, where they wished to be scattered and the name of the undertakers to use and what they wanted to be "dressed" in. It took so much of the guesswork out of organising their funerals as they died within a few months of each other. It was like they were holding my hand and guiding me through everything.

I am a financial adviser (I advise on life insurance, etc) and I always tell my clients to have a death envelope with Wills/LPA's/All financial institution details in and to keep it updated.

I am 47, we have just updated our wills (change of property) and completed our LPAs. Our eldest is old enough to be executor and LPA for us both. He knows exactly where to find everything.

Also if you have life insurance policies PLEASE PLEASE make sure they are in trust, then they don't have to go through probate which is taking months.

And please please complete power of attorney forms even if you are only 60. Yes it's £85 or so per form (there's 2) but its priceless if you are suddenly incapacitated - remember you won't always have a slow decline enabling you to complete the forms