When someone dies.....

[Curlygirl06]

Posting here for traffic.

We recently had a death in the wider family, and trying to sort the admin stuff out has been problematic. There were half filled out insurance policy forms, bank account applications etc, and with a lot of stuff now being online it's difficult to sort out what's what and what's not. Didn't help that they were hoarders and their filing system was a bit erratic.

My filing system is pretty good-I could lay my hands on most stuff immediately (well, I will after I've put away the latest pile of paperwork!) but so much stuff is on my phone and laptop, with passwords and security codes stored by them that it would be difficult to get to it all.
Thinking of the future, I've started making a list of EVERYTHING. Bank accounts, pension details, insurance policies, passport numbers, addresses, phone numbers, you name it, I'm listing it, so that when the time comes my adult children won't have to spend hours looking for stuff, it'll all be in one place. When they need the actual paper version of it, it'll be in the relevant files (hopefully!)

Not everyone will want to do this, or have the time to do it but if you can, please do. The wasted hours that are going into hunting for things that may or may not exist is very frustrating. Thank you.

If the person who has passed away does not have the money to pay for a funeral there is help from the government
We did it for a family member who died

Some good ideas here of a few things I'd not thought of, thanks for that.

With regards to the "Tell us once" thing, be aware that if you include car registration details, the car tax is cancelled.

My DF did all the finances in my parent's household. We always assumed DM would go first as she had poor health for a large part of her life. DF died suddenly of a cardiac arrest and whilst we'd always assumed paperwork would be in order (DF worked in finance before retirement), in reality, all the paperwork was there - just not in one place or in any particular order. We found stuff on his desk, down the side of the sideboard in the dining room, in the wardrobe............
He also did online banking, so there were no printed bank statements . We had no idea what DMs income would be - we knew she'd get part of his pension but didn't know how much his pension was. It took a while to sort through and figure out and were under pressure to get the paperwork together ASAP as professional executors were appointed, and they visited 4 days after DF died to collect all the paperwork!
We also discovered that DM didn't really know if DF wanted to be buried or cremated. She thought he maybe didn't want to be buried as when she'd tried to discuss 'buying a plot ', he hadn't wanted to discuss it. Fortunately in rooting through all the papers we found one of those booklets like the one Age UK produce in which he had put down where he wanted to be buried - lucky we found that before a cremation was arranged!
DM was not computer literate, but the saving grace was she did know the password, so we were able to access their address book!

After that was all over I vowed to get our affairs better organised so our DS didn't have the same issues. I have a list of assets and liabilities stored with our copy wills, which DS knows the whereabouts of. I regularly update it as money is moved around. When I showed it to DH, I couldn't believe he said "what's that for?!" You can tell who's always done the finances in this house! I'm slowly letting him do some things but despair whenever he tries to sort HMRC stuff out!

I need to do all the above .. not just in case of death, but in case of being unable to manage my own affairs.

EPOA
Will
Make sure all pensions pay out to the right person (remarried)
List of all accounts/pensions/credit cards etc

Himself needs to do the same though no doubt he'll over complicate it and have it encoded/sealed by 25 passwords and hidden in middle earth.

My parents are in their mid-eighties and mum has been 'Swedish Death Cleaning' for about 10 years now. Apart from my dad's home office, all the 'stuff' in the house that's more than 1mth old is important and needs to be allocated amongst the family.

She bought a book from WHSmiths that she's filled out with all the info on their bank accounts, insurance policies, solicitors' details etc. and she's told us where the book is. She still writes Christmas Cards, and we know where her list is, so we know who in her social circle to contact.

Mum and Dad have both sorted out their funeral arrangements and POA and we know exactly what they do and don't want. It's been a big relief for mum knowing everything is sorted out, I think Dad's just pleased someone else did all the hard work!

My FIL is dying, and we don't know if he's got a will, what he wants in terms of a funeral or whether he wants to die at home or not. It's really hard as we can't talk to MIL (she's in denial about the diagnosis) and FIL shuts down every attempt to ask.

That's a really good tip. Thank you.

Great idea. My Dad knew he was dying as he had terminal cancer and he created a whole dossier with every single detail about every single account and device he had. All the subscriptions that needed to be cancelled and who to call with all the right account numbers. Every password. He then wrote a step by step of what needed to happen on each day after his death, like a how to guide. It was honestly the most amazing thing and it helped SO much with the practicalities.

His hospice nurse kept saying he was the most incredible patient she’d come across in terms of how he was preparing us for his death. I think of it and feel grateful for him doing it every day, especially when I hear of difficulties that others have. He didn’t leave one thing out. If you can do even half of that then you’ll help your family so much.

I am named executor on my aunt and uncle’s estate. Their affairs are, I believe, a mess. I doubt the important documents are findable even. They also live several hours away.

I have begged them to assemble these documents and information and to also include some more local relatives as executors. My own health isn’t great and I certainly can’t be doing physical searches.

They are both in worsening health, especially one of them who has multiple health conditions which are serious. Unfortunately when the time comes, if nothing has been sorted out I will appoint a local solicitor to carry out the vast bulk of the work and the fees will come from the estate.

I've had a "I died, here's the shit you need" envelope since I was 27. My Dad died and I was the sole sorter? Administrator? Idk. It will make life easier. I also left 2 letters, one for husband and the other for my son containing clear instructions on how to get rid of my belongings and who to contact so they don't get bogged down.

It's definitely useful to have a paper list of everything pertaining to house, vehicles, insurances etc and tell someone (preferably several people) where it is. If you tend to hoard paperwork, then spending some time sorting though and shredding things which are no longer relevant is probably one of the most useful things you can do to help your family. Also make a will, even if you don't have much to leave, if nothing else it makes the probate process quicker and more straightforward.

My uncle died last year, he never married or had children, so my Mum became next of kin. I think he was basically in denial about dying and never actually told my Mum he had cancer, even though it was clear he was seriously ill as he was in and out of hospital and not getting better. He didn't leave a will or plans for a funeral and paperwork was a mix of being scattered around the house (he was also a hoarder) and done online. I feel like it's made the grieving process much harder for my Mum, as she's had the stress of trying to hunt out all this paperwork for the solicitors and worry about whether what she arranged for the funeral was something he would have liked. He also left his fancy sports motorbike which we we're not really sure the value of as he's added all kinds of customisations and none of us are bikers!

My Mum did this. Everything was meticulously filed along with very specific instructions for her funeral. I'm so grateful to her for it.

@Newname71
’Ideally I want placing on a raft, setting on fire and floating out to sea. Obvs that’s probably not going to happen so I’ll settle for pure cremation!’

You could have a variant of it.
Cremation, then later on you transfer the ashes to a water-soluble urn. Make a raft with tissue and willow, like a Same Sky lantern. Choose a receding high tide at a time when there are few people around, set fire and launch.

Mine is all sorted..funeral paid for.
A diary left for my daughters..
That has everything in they need to know.
All they have to do is register my death and phone one number and everything is sorted.
My Mum did this after my Dad died.

It's extremely sensible. My mum has mumbled something about some folders with important stuff in, but I definitely couldn't find any of it if the worst happened suddenly. We should sit down and I should write down where she hides everything. She's a bit of a hoarder too sadly so there's so much bloody paper in her house!
I don't really have any assets or affairs so to speak, other than my benefits that someone would need to cancel I guess. But it's worth thinking about for my own stuff as well.

I've already done this as complicated finances as a holiday home and many btl properties. Each DC has a file on my laptop. Their dob is the password for each file. It states all properties if mortgages with whom, gas, electric account numbers, council tax account number. My bank account details, ISA's, premium bonds numbers, life insurance, pension, annuity details. French bank account numbers, online logs ins and passwords. French house electric,and water account numbers. Even where I keep a little stash of euros in my home. Also key safe codes for all properties. Names and mobile numbers of tenants and copies of their rental agreements.

I've tried to make things easier for them because I know it will be a lot to deal with.

Also a copy of my will.

My Dad did this before he died. He already had a password book but he actually went to the trouble of rewriting the information in his clearest handwriting. He included everything and told me where to find things. The only thing he forgot was his laptop password, but that was nothing a quick google for how to hack his type of laptop couldn't fix. He wasn't hiding his laptop password as I had his phone and iPad passwords and those were what he generally used.

It made everything a million times easier when he died.

I was generally very impressed with all,the companies and organisations I had to deal with. Even closing his Ladbroke account and getting the couple of hundred quid credit that was in his account was easy. We didn't care about the money but we know he would have not wanted Ladbrokes to have it 😂😂. They were great and we had the money very quickly with a kind message. I was surprised how simple it was to do everything. It really helped me especially as my Mum and siblings are useless and I have to do everything. They are lovely and supportive but useless.

My Mum is still alive and we've future proofed everything as much as we can. I'm on all of her accounts already, I have access to her iPad etc, I have POA for health and finances and I already have POA access to her bank accounts with online access and a bank card too. I registered with her utilities and her doctor etc to be able to speak on her behalf.

I showed my dh the first part of my list, he thinks it's a good idea as tbh he's not really involved in the house admin. Once I've done it he can read it and check it makes sense to him. To me it's perfectly clear but it needs to be seen through someone else's eyes.

I’m currently indulging in some ‘Swedish death cleaning’ and finding it quite satisfying!

Flickersy gives good advice in their post, much of which we have also followed. It was really brought home to us how important this is for surviving family after both PILs died within 18 months of each other. So far, we have:

all passwords (and I mean everything) saved in eWallet and our oldest son has the overall password to get into that (also the password to get into DH's computer);
a master Excel spreadsheet with details of all pensions, investments, shares etc with policy numbers etc and which he updates with values regularly;
updated wills and registered POA, copies with our solicitor. Both sons and our executor have the details of the solicitor and our IFA;
all paperwork is filed in lever arch files in the study so anything they can't otherwise find out is hopefully stored there;
DH is very organised (and worked in finance) so everything stored on his PC is in clear folders and it should be easy to e.g. cancel travel insurance, find our LX provider etc;
I photographed and wrote and explanation of each piece of my jewellery so our sons can decide what to do with it and know exactly what is valuable or important;
we have a lot of paintings and artwork and this year's task is to also photograph and annotate that document;
we have just retired and have started to live on our savings by cashing in old, small bonds etc and also selling small share investments. As mentioned, those are just an annoyance for heirs to deal with. Our intention is to keep decreasing our investments so hopefully when we die there will be a smaller amount of admin to do;
told our sons what our funeral wishes are.

I'm sure there are other things which I can't remember but I think the above is a good start.

At the start of Covid, just before the first lockdown, I wrote everything down, bank details, passwords, private pension details, NI, everything, and put it in an envelope along with a letter to my husband. I was badly scared at the beginning of the pandemic. Anyway, the letter is in my bureau and he knows where it is.
However, he will not do the same for me. I have no idea of his bank details, phone account, passwords to his phone or laptop, and he gets very irritated if I ask him to provide them - not even to give them to me, but to do as I did and put it safely away somewhere. So if god forbid he dies before me, I'm going to have a bureaucratic nightmare trying to close bank accounts, cancel phone etc. It's very worrying.

We have a list of bank accounts, credit cards, pension companies etc and have created a group chat on WhatsApp called Important Information with our kids. I update the list as and when anything changes.

I don't put any financial information on the list, just a list of names of the institutions so they know where to start.

🤣 probably should do this. My poor family are going to end up with a Long John Silver type treasure hunt trying to track down my financials.

"If you pass away with lots of individual share holdings they can be a real arse to sort out. Transfer them to an IM so they're all together and they're easier to sell. Or sell them yourself.

If you have lots of bank accounts, it's easy to miss one. Consolidate into one bank."

Taking care that if you sell shares, you don't give yourself a capital gains tax liability! and also taking care that by amalgamating all bank accounts, you remain under the £85k FSCS limits. It would be wise to keep £85k or less in bank accounts (£170k joint accounts) just in case the bank folds.

That should read 'It would be wise to keep £85k or less in separate bank accounts.'

I lost two parents one of whom was a massive hoarder. Its hughly unfair to leave this sort of mess for your loved ones to sort out. I have friends who parents wont make wills because 'its all in their heads, or Aunt Maud knows what I want etc etc'