When someone dies.....

[Curlygirl06]

Posting here for traffic.

We recently had a death in the wider family, and trying to sort the admin stuff out has been problematic. There were half filled out insurance policy forms, bank account applications etc, and with a lot of stuff now being online it's difficult to sort out what's what and what's not. Didn't help that they were hoarders and their filing system was a bit erratic.

My filing system is pretty good-I could lay my hands on most stuff immediately (well, I will after I've put away the latest pile of paperwork!) but so much stuff is on my phone and laptop, with passwords and security codes stored by them that it would be difficult to get to it all.
Thinking of the future, I've started making a list of EVERYTHING. Bank accounts, pension details, insurance policies, passport numbers, addresses, phone numbers, you name it, I'm listing it, so that when the time comes my adult children won't have to spend hours looking for stuff, it'll all be in one place. When they need the actual paper version of it, it'll be in the relevant files (hopefully!)

Not everyone will want to do this, or have the time to do it but if you can, please do. The wasted hours that are going into hunting for things that may or may not exist is very frustrating. Thank you.

My DM died 2 yrs ago. She had totally decluttered her house, things people had requested over time even had their names underneath!
Funeral was paid for with what she wanted to happen.
We chose her music.
All her documents were in one box along with her phone book with older family contacts who were not on social media. We made a list of who we needed to contact and al their numbers were there.
DH and Siblings have just had this chat with his DPs. We have a document with everything they 'need' to know.
I don't know why people think its weird to discuss it. It's the ONLY guaranteed event in life.

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/reclaim/reclaim-lost-assets-free/ is a useful link re finding lost accounts and recommends https://www.mylostaccount.org.uk/search free lost account locator.

I used it when DH died just to cover all bases. I was fairly sure I had details of all his accounts, but thought it was worth double checking.

I use 1Password to store every password and ensure my DC have a login to this app for emergencies. They can then access my laptop (password in 1Password) and find the document that lists everything they need to know for my funeral, including all my bank accounts, crypto, a copy of my will, etc.

Also, I look at my mother's house and the mess (keeping far too much) and have already done a thorough Swedish death clean to ensure my DC are not left the crap to clear that I will have to do for my DM.

I also have POA for health and finance in place

I did this at the beginning of covid. I've set up the iPhone thing with my older teens. They all have my passcode to be fair. I have a file which is to grab in case of fire with copies of will, house deeds, medical POA etc
I share a password app with DH.
I use an application/site called Cake which allows you to set all this up.

www.ageuk.org.uk/globalassets/age-uk/media/legacy/id204608-0321-age-uk-lifebook.pdf

This is a useful document.

Sorry. I posted too soon

Very useful document to record all necessary information to make it easier on your loved ones. My parents have just filled this in after witnessing a friends difficulties after his mother's death.

I have given a document setting out funeral wishes, music etc to one of my DC and a copy of it is with my will, which is in a labelled folder with all my other paperwork.

My house is very pared down, nothing in loft or garage, and hardly anything in the shed (!). I look after the finances of a disabled family member, so all information about him, his benefits and all the various things I do to look after his affairs are written down. My own paperwork is in order.

It's been like this for years (used to work in probate).

DH died recently and, although he had listed most things, he hadn’t kept everything up to date. I didn’t know who his car insurance was with for example, as documents were all online and it wasn’t paid by DD.
I have started listing all my stuff, accounts insurance, mortgage accounts etc so that when I go DC have an easier time.

I created an excel workbook with all my information about 4 years ago and I update it every 3 months. Will save mybdvs hours of work in locating everything.

I am trying to do this. I have a specific email address that I only use for official things like insurance/bank etc etc. My adult DC have the password so that they can access those details if I fall under a bus. They also have both POAs and my will is simple and a copy is on that email. Trying to declutter my house.

Yes I've been thinking about this too. I keep meaning to do it. But really do need to. For both dh and I. As he really is clueless.

Funeral wise, we are Muslim so we often have a simple burial anyway. So that's not something to worry about.

But documents etc. Banks definitely need to sort that all out!

One thing that my grandad did was put a red X next to certain names in his address book, with the instruction that when he died, inform those key people and they will ensure anyone wider connected to them is informed. That was very welcomed when the time came!

For another relative who didn't have ££££ in the bank, a fully paid up funeral plan was a huge relief. We had several deaths in a short space of time which ate up our savings (4 funerals in 3 months, 3 of which we had to pay for ourselves at almost £5k each with minimal extras)

DM and I speak quite openly about what we want after our deaths. DM wants pure cremation like we did for DF. Ideally I want placing on a raft, setting on fire and floating out to sea. Obvs that’s probably not going to happen so I’ll settle for pure cremation!
DH just won’t discuss it, like you’re tempting fate or something and you’ll drop dead tomorrow if you communicate your wishes!

There is also a similar think as the Tell Us Once for governmental stuff available for financial institutions though it's not as well known, my daughter's a manager in a bank and didn't know about it!
After my OH died I did what 's mentioned, I listed account details and so on.

I'm in the process of this, and Swedish Death Cleaning. I'm hopefully a long way off death yet but wanted to sort things early whilst still relatively sound in body and mind.
I'm horrified at the thought of my dc's finding my excruciatingly embarrassing teenage diaries, but not any important stuff.
I think people put this stuff off too late and often then aren't capable of doing it.

After my father in law died I started doing the same. I did eventually find his passwords hidden in amongst addresses in his phone book but for a few weeks it was a nightmare trying to sort everything out.

I got a book on Amazon called “when I die” or something like that. I’m also appointee for my eldest son who is disabled and I’ve explained to my daughter exactly how his money works as it’s paid to me then I transfer it and pay his care bills etc! I have policies my husband probably wouldn’t even think about so I just want to make everything easier for my family.

Your friend who thinks it is morbid is pathetic, as is anyone who thinks like that.
We will alll die sooner or later. All of us.
And sorry, but announcing you've undertaken a life admin task, which clearly many others have done, doesn't belong in aibu

My parents did this for me years ago. It definitely helped. They gave me a copy of their wills and a printed sheet titled "where the money is" and included lists of shares, policies, banks, bonds, pensions etc.
(I'm am only child so no potential arguments over wills etc)
The issue these days is trying to speak to anyone on the bloody phone. It's all well and good having lists but trying to find a phone number with a human on the end for certain places is a nightmare.

I'm doing a "when I die" folder atm. I'm fairly young, but one of my parents died suddenly when I was quite young and a lot of the decision making fell to me. I don't want to leave anyone else with having to make decisions when they are grieving.

Currently trying to choose what outfit I'd like to be cremated in - thinking of putting "my nicest pyjamas and slippers" - want to be cosy when I go!

I had to choose an outfit for my patent, and would have preferred clear instructions.

My DH is terminally ill and has been putting his affairs in order financially. He keeps promising to make a list of important contacts and passwords but hasn't done so yet. What irritates me the most is he's always been a compulsive shopper, buying tons of clothes and stuff for his hobbies and interests, but not so good at getting rid of things. Our house is so cluttered. Even now he's reluctant to get rid of stuff which means this mammoth task (and believe me it's huge) will be left to me to do. It will take many months 😡

I am going to compile a "what you need to know" box for my DDs, which will contain my will and all other relevant information they'll need to complete admin after my death. When I clear out DH's stuff I'll also reduce my own (which isn't vast anyway) so they aren't faced with the same challenges.

Absolutely!

And to anyone on this thread who has parents/elderly relatives - Please check what they are paying for things such as TV, Broadband.

My elderly relatives had been paying £240 a month for a SKY package they didn’t use for 5 years.

They had also doubled up on a lottery DD for nearly 3.

After my DM died my DH put a file together of all her information to make it easier for me and my dsis to sort everything out. It was lovingly referred to as the death file and now we all have our own death files on the back of it.

Having dealt with the post-mortem administrative sh*tshow of four parents and another close relative, we have put all of our affairs in order and purchased a fire safe in which to store it, in order that our dc don’t have to go through the same with us!

Thank goodness, well before she developed dementia my DM put all such info in an old briefcase, and told us where it was.

Dh and I still haven’t done it - so every time we go away together I think of the headaches for dds if e.g. the plane crashed….

One thing I have done, though, is to make a list of anything valuable, so they will know what not to leave for a house clearance outfit - I’ve told them very firmly to do that when the time comes, since clearing relatives’ houses (I’ve done it) is both physically and emotionally exhausting.

We did put Ps of A in place during the first lockdown, though, and wills are up to date.

My father also compiled a list of names and addresses of his friends and asociates who he'd like us to inform when he died.

This was very useful as there were names of people we'd never heard of!