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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's a Plane Etiquette one!! Was I AIBU?

354 replies

Belladonna90 · 29/04/2024 19:19

Night flight back from the US.
Cabin crew do meal service at around 4am (UK time) around 11pm (US). I'm hoping not to go to bed when I land (so can beat the jet lag and not stay in US time!). In economy class and have the blanket over my head so I can sleep (need the 'room' to be as dark as possible'). I had my seat reclined in the belief that chicken or beef would not be served at this time. How wrong I was! Cabin Crew passes me with meal trolley (happily doesn't disturb me to ask whether I want a meal...at that time absolutely not!). However, when she is asking the passenger behind me she reclines my seat back up which startled the life out of me as I was jostled back up!! I was so annoyed as I was fast asleep. I can understand for a safety related issue if she needed to do that for example for landing but for a service related issue it seemed completely rude of her. Was I wrong to challenge her and ask why she did that?? She told me for service all seats must be in the upright position....

OP posts:
frankentall · 29/04/2024 22:04

she reclines my seat back up
Er, no.

exomoon · 29/04/2024 22:08

OP, what do you object to, that they didn’t ask you to upright your seat and just did it, or that you had to upright your seat at all?

paintingvenice · 29/04/2024 22:12

Belladonna90 · 29/04/2024 22:04

Just a few things to clarify!!
We departed at 2000 (local time) and food was served three hours later. Unlike many whom have assumed I have not travelled much...the usual standard service on flights that depart at this time is a light bite like a hand held pizza and a drink from the bar and then a hot breakfast is served about 1.5hr before landing. Hence why I reclined my seat as I was not expecting a meal so late after take off in particular a hot dinner at that time.
If this was a day flight I of course would not of dreamed of reclining my seat. However, for a night flight I think it is entirely reasonable to expect that people will want to sleep. Be it US or UK time zone I think it is unusual for anyone to have beef and mashed potatoes at 11pm/4am and the natural thing to do is to sleep and not eat. Be it a Boeing or Airbus aircraft, engineers design the seats with it in mind that tray tables can still be used even if seats are reclined otherwise . Also for those who have said Emirates, Singapore have the same policy....
In both these airlines for night flights you get the option to put a 'DND' or 'wake me for food sticker'. Perhaps you have only travelled with these airlines on day flights.

OP: mumsnet am I being unreasonable?
MN: Yes
OP: let me clarify why I was right

Ok…but why the fuck are you here???

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 29/04/2024 22:14

a lot of nighttime flights serve a hot meal a few hours after take off so it wasn’t that unusual. You got it wrong which is fine but now just accept that it was appropriate for them to ask you to I recline and know that it’s a possibility next time.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 29/04/2024 22:16

And if you were as rude as you are coming across here than I feel for the flight attendant and person behind you

Original poster
Belladonna90 · 29/04/2024 22:19

exomoon · 29/04/2024 22:08

OP, what do you object to, that they didn’t ask you to upright your seat and just did it, or that you had to upright your seat at all?

It's a combination really....
I think instead of jostling my seat up I would of found it more respectful if she had asked or tapped me so I wouldn't of gotten such a fright (my partner was beside me and she asked him was I eating, he said no and then she proceeded to ask the person behind me and then jostled my seat up). For me it is also the fact that it is so late in the night and at least 3 hours after take off. It is to be expected people want to sleep. I never knew that on a night flight eating had a higher priority than sleeping....we were both paying passengers . A lot of posters have lambasted me for saying I should of booked business class instead of economy (good luck trying to get a business seat on a JFK service at short notice!). It's surely the luck of the draw in economy in terms of comfort...and the lady behind me had to expect on a night flight people will want to sleep and their chairs will be reclined.

OP posts:
wompwomp · 29/04/2024 22:20

Regardless of time if they served a meal your seat needs to go up.

WhatWouldYouDo33 · 29/04/2024 22:23

“good luck trying to get a business seat on a JFK service at short notice”

you come across worse with every post. I have flown to NY tons and I never expected a full nights sleep. It’s just the nature of these flights that food gets served, it’s noisy etc. Of course it’s rude to have your seat reclined when someone is trying to eat. Why are you still defending your rudeness?

gindreams · 29/04/2024 22:23

This reply has been deleted

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britinnyc · 29/04/2024 22:27

I do this type of flight a lot and it drives me nuts that they serve a meal at some ridiculous hour like midnight, I don’t understand why anyone wants or needs to eat a meal on a night flight. That said I take a sleeping pill, put my eye mask on and sleep in the upright position without reclining because I know they will wake me up if I do recline. I sympathize because I think it is stupid to do a meal service when people want to sleep but YABU because they are serving so it is unfair to the person behind if they want to eat.

Original poster
Belladonna90 · 29/04/2024 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Lol. What is even more ghastly are people who get on a plane and eat and drink all around them just to get their money's worth.

OP posts:
Original poster
Belladonna90 · 29/04/2024 22:29

britinnyc · 29/04/2024 22:27

I do this type of flight a lot and it drives me nuts that they serve a meal at some ridiculous hour like midnight, I don’t understand why anyone wants or needs to eat a meal on a night flight. That said I take a sleeping pill, put my eye mask on and sleep in the upright position without reclining because I know they will wake me up if I do recline. I sympathize because I think it is stupid to do a meal service when people want to sleep but YABU because they are serving so it is unfair to the person behind if they want to eat.

Fair point

OP posts:
LittleMonks11 · 29/04/2024 22:30

and the lady behind me had to expect on a night flight people will want to sleep and their chairs will be reclined.

Yes - after dinner.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 29/04/2024 22:33

'Jostled' your seat up?

You mean she pressed the button/pushed it up a bit? 🙄

LittleMonks11 · 29/04/2024 22:33

I love a couple of G& Ts on a night flight and the food tray. Passes the time as I can never fall asleep. Will give it a try though - after the meal service and when they switch the lights off.

RickyGervaislovesdogs · 29/04/2024 22:36

YABU person behind you wanted to eat.

It’s so awkward to get up for the restroom when someone’s head is in your lap. Be thankful you had some rest, the person behind you likely didn’t.

Bournetilly · 29/04/2024 22:39

You should put your seat up but it was rude of her just to do it, she should have asked you.

SerafinasGoose · 29/04/2024 22:40

bumblefeline · 29/04/2024 19:26

Put your seat up when people eat, I find it nigh on impossible to sleep on flights, even the red eye ones back from the US.

The ones from the east coast region are the worst for getting any sleep.

I don't know why that is, or whether it's the same in others' experience. Perhaps it's because there's too short an interval between meals being served and the lights and bustle eventually dying down before landing. (I never want to eat on those flights).

On flights from further out west that interval is longer.

similarminimer · 29/04/2024 22:40

Serengetti56 · 29/04/2024 19:48

I fly a fair bit and so know to expect a meal service around an hour after take-off on a long haul flight and to keep seat upright until cabin lights are dimmed. But to be fair, they really should announce this for the benefit of people who do not fly often.

Edited

Easter BlushEaster Smile
Indeed. Seat etiquette is that you recline only after food service - or book a flat-bed ticket.

Nazzywish · 29/04/2024 22:48

Hate reclining seats and people who do it, such selfish behaviour. So yes yabu.
I've had complete arseholes recline seats when I had a baby on lap ( under 2) and refuse to put it upright and when pregnant and food service person in front reclining seat so tray was literally against my baby bump.

Ginmonkeyagain · 29/04/2024 22:50

You eat on these flights for something to do. Kills an hour or so.

Also if I have paid for my flight, damn right I am having everything on offer. I'm not proud.

Busybusybusy73 · 29/04/2024 22:51

How do you know what time-zone the prison in the seat behind you is on? Maybe they've had a connecting flight from somewhere further west and could be 2 hours or more behind you ie meal served at 9pm (for them), not 11pm. Not everyone is travelling from one place to another direct.

Also, people who insist on reclining their seats in economy make life uncomfortable for everyone else. I had a recent flight to Singapore (via Singapore Airlines). The person in front insisted on having their seat reclined for the entire trip. I had no room to move my legs (I'm very short) and I had planned to finish work on the flight, which I couldn't do because the person in front was practically sat on my lap.

Does your need for sleep trump the plans or needs of everyone else on the flight?

londonmummy1966 · 29/04/2024 22:58

Your fundamental mistake was being a woman flying with BA. Their staff treat female passengers with utter contempt. They would not have jostled a man's seat like that but would have seen you as fair game. If it's any consolation if you'd been flying business they'd probably have treated you even worse - the female BA staff have a massive issue with women flying and especially business. DH never believed my horror stories until he flew with me once and was appalled at how they treated me.

wordler · 29/04/2024 23:01

londonmummy1966 · 29/04/2024 22:58

Your fundamental mistake was being a woman flying with BA. Their staff treat female passengers with utter contempt. They would not have jostled a man's seat like that but would have seen you as fair game. If it's any consolation if you'd been flying business they'd probably have treated you even worse - the female BA staff have a massive issue with women flying and especially business. DH never believed my horror stories until he flew with me once and was appalled at how they treated me.

That's weird - I always had lovely treatment on BA - particularly when I had my toddler with me. KLM were the nicest though.

Katrinawaves · 29/04/2024 23:08

londonmummy1966 · 29/04/2024 22:58

Your fundamental mistake was being a woman flying with BA. Their staff treat female passengers with utter contempt. They would not have jostled a man's seat like that but would have seen you as fair game. If it's any consolation if you'd been flying business they'd probably have treated you even worse - the female BA staff have a massive issue with women flying and especially business. DH never believed my horror stories until he flew with me once and was appalled at how they treated me.

I think that might be you 😂. I flew so often on BA for business I had a gold card and the staff were always delightful. I’ve had many a flight where special snacks were rustled up or the steward has had a chat with me about the book I was reading, and they are always very polite and good natured.

I had a return transatlantic flight last week and even though I no longer fly enough to have a gold card (am back to lowly bronze) I got the same lovely service both ways.