Inheritance

[nameshame24]

Another inheritance post but I’m just looking for some outsiders opinions and advice.

Background, my Mum and Dad split when I was 18 months old. When I was 3 my Dad remarried my now step Mum and had 2 more children my brother is 3 years younger than me and sister is 4 years younger than me.
My Dad had a very successful business which was originally his parents and they passed it down to him and my aunt was a silent partner.
My step mum worked part-time in a school and earned minimum wage her salary was her ‘allowance’ to spend whatever she wanted. My Dad paid the bills and mortgage etc.
My step Mum’s Mum died and left her money, with that money she renovated the house.
When my Grandma died (Dad’s Mum) which as a side note I was very close to growing up as she looked after me a lot. He used the money she left him to buy a house and rent it out, the money from the rent goes straight to my Step Mum and now that is her ‘allowance’ and she retired early.
Growing up my Dad has always been very open with me and said that when he dies the money will go to Step Mum (if she is still alive) and then when she dies it will be cut evenly 3 ways.
I have found out recently from my aunt that this is actually not the case. I will be getting 1/5 of their house and my siblings 2/5s. My Aunty has expressed that she has been told by my Step Mum that their rental home is soley in my step mums name. And therefore could be going 2 ways between my brother and sister. Or if not could be getting split the same way their permanent home is.
I spoke to my Dad briefly about it yday to ask exactly what will happen as I have been told one thing but actually another thing is happening and therefore I’ve been lied to, I’d like to know 100% now what is happening so that I don’t have to find out when he’s dead and things haven’t been explained. He said to me yday that the way it is now isn’t fair (on me) but not to worry because she will die first and then he will change the will!!!!! I told him it was ridiculous and then I ask him to be honest with me about it all then he said he wasn’t 100% sure himself how things will be split. I asked him who the executors of his will are and he said it was both my brother and sister. This has hurt me weirdly more than being lied to.
It might not sound like it but it’s not actually about the money for me, it’s about not being treated fairly and I never have been by that side of my family. There is a lot of history and a lot of times I have been treated very unfairly. But I would happily give all of my share to charity as long as I know I have been treated fairly by him I feel I can get on happily with my life. But right now I feel like I’ve been yet again kept in the dark and am being treated differently. I’m in my early 30s now.
I would like to ask to see the will so that I can know exactly how it’s been divide now so that if I need to I can ask my Dad questions about it and get answers. Would I be unreasonable to do this?
Would I also be unreasonable to suggest I am also made an executor? I have looked into it and you can have up to 4 executors. I really hope I’m not coming across as some sort of gold digger here. Genuinely I would give my share to charity I just want things to be fair.

I do feel your hurt. You can ask to see his will, obviously he doesn't have to show it to you, likewise you can ask to be an executrix, also, he doesn't have to add you.
There will be those who come along to tell you you have a right to nothing, which again is true, but doesn't help your feelings of unfairness.
I really can't help you, but can offer you some sympathy in trying to find out what his actual intentions are before he dies. Which may not happen.

You could ask your father to add you as an executor, but it won’t make any difference unless he changes the terms of the will. It seems unfair to me - my DH and I wrote our will leaving everything equally between all our children, and we have spoken to them all and said this is what we want to happen so that if/when one of us dies first, the other is duty-bound (if not legally bound) to honour it. I don’t understand your father - ask him why he didn’t fight your corner - and if your DSM has brought you up since you were three, I would have thought she too would have more concern for you.

Can’t he make it so money goes to you without both of them needing to die?
he can’t say who will go first!

Unfortunately if he dies first he has no say in how she writes her will. If he does pass away first and leave it all to your step mum, she could leave everything to her children and nothing to you. You being executor would not change that.

I think you need to sit down with Dad and tell him how you feel. Tell him what you said here ie it's not the money but the sense that you are not being treated equitably. That there's no guarantee who will die first and if he wants to split things in a specific way then he needs to make arrangements accordingly.

On the executor I'd drop that ... not that relevant really as executors have to act in accordance with the will.

I think the breakdown is probably correct.

Dad and step mum have 50:50

Sm gives her 2 dc 25% each
Dad splits his 3 ways so about 16% each

You get 16% and your step siblings get about 41%

What inheritance will you get from your mum?

Is it because they think you will inherit from your mum?

On a lot of posts about how to divide inheritance in step families people talk about leaving a half share for step children because they are inheriting from one parent (I.e) your dad whereas the other children are inheriting from two (ie step mum and dads children). If they are following that rule then you would only get 1/5.

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t be an executor though.

That was my maths too. I think it's fair enough that you don't inherit from your SM's "half", assuming she has a step mother rather than motherly relationship with you.

How old is your dad? I'm in my 50s and still have both parents. What I might or might not inherit in several decades isn't my business.

Yes, that looks fair to me as well. My GS, raised by his single mother, won't get a penny piece when his Dad dies as it will all go to his wife and 2 younger children. He doesn't expect anything either.

Personally. I think when your dad dies you should get a sixth of everything (a third of his half) and then the rest is hers to pass onto her children when she dies.

You're entitled to a third of your dad's share. They're entitled to a third of their dad's share and a half of their mums share each.

Being an executor makes no difference to the content of the will. In fact, it's a faff.
Take a look at the other inheritance posts, particularly in step-familes; the anger, angst and hatred this situation creates invariably delivers is mind-blowing.

I would take care with this. Strictly to be fair you should get 1/6 (ie. one third of Dad's half). If you pursue this you risk pissing everyone off and them taking you out completely.

This is exactly what my friend did. When her second husband died, he shared a small insurance policy with his two children from his first wife ( deceased) then left everything else to my friend - this included a large lump sum from his employer, a very generous pension and the mortgage paid off.

When my friend married him, they were both in their mid forties and he contributed most of the funds to buy their house together. Their will said that when my friend died, her estate would be split equally between his two children and her son ( by her first husband).

However, within a couple of years my friend changed her will leaving everything to her only son and stopped all contact with the other children, for no reason that I was aware of. She also told the boys that they were no longer going to inherit anything after she died - despite most of the money for the house coming from the insurance after their mum died.

I find it hard to understand why she did this, all three boys were adults by this time, no longer living at home and finished their education but her son was ( and still is) rather flakey, in and out of work, gets into debt which his mum pays off and had some issues with alcohol and drugs. But in her eyes he can do no wrong so now he will inherit a very large amount, probably in excess of £1.5m.

Even though I am divorced, I have made sure that my will is very clear on my wishes and have shared it with my children so there will be no surprises! I gave one child £20k to help him out a few years ago so wanted to make sure that was reflected in my will.

The division is fair. Your step mum doesn’t want to leave you any money bc you have a mum.
step mum and dad each has as be 50:50.
step mum will leave to her own two children
your dad will leave to his three children
a will can be written to ensure no changes after the first person dies, but generally there is nothing stopping the survivor changing the will.
yabu abit and do indeed sound money oriented, despite saying you’d give to charity, which I doubt. You do not come across in a good light I’m afraid. The division is fair.

You need to leave it. None of this is your decision.

There is no inheritance.
No one has died.
No one is entitled to see any will before the testator dies.
Absolutely anything could happen between now and when your dad dies.
If he leaves it to your stepmum she can do exactly what she likes with it because it then becomes hers. Likewise if she dies first and she leaves it to him.

This sort of situation is very tricky.

If your dad dies first, unless his will is written in quite a specific way (eg to leave a life interest in the house to your step mum) then the assets become your step mum's and she can do what she wants with them.

This can and has led to children of the first marriage (like you) getting nothing and the children of the second marriage inheriting everything.

There are ways around this - your dad could leave some money or some assets specifically for you but it doesn't sound like he wants to,

Being an executor of the will won't make any difference.

You don't know me personally so I am happy to say your analysis of me doesn't bother me in the slightest. I always find it wild how someone online can be so sure as to what another would do when you have no idea who I am or my morals. I would in fact give my share to charity. It genuinely is not about the money it is about fairness.

I would like to clarify the reason for me being upset in finding out that the division of Dad's house has upset me because I've been lied to for years. I have been told it will go equally 3 ways, it won't, I have been lied to. I completely understand and would have appreciated that it is fair to be divided the way it has been but I shouldn't have been lied to.
What I will feel hurt about is if the rental house he has that he paid for with my Grandma's money I get 1/5 of it will be unfair and I think will speak volumes in how I am regarded in 'his' family. My Grandma didn't have much of a relationship with my siblings because my step mum didn't allow it. Whereas she helped care for me growing up. I think she would be hurt to know my Dad would divide the house that way.
He also has shares and a large amount in savings all of which my brother manages for him because he is a financial adviser. It's my Dad's money. He is entitled to split it as he wishes but I don't want to be lied to and I do think I deserve to be told how it will go as my siblings are very clearly in the know about this.
I am a parent myself and couldn't dream of treating my children differently to one another.
To answer a few questions my Mum has another child so her estate will go 50/50 between myself and my sister. She has no savings but does own her house which is worth around half of my Dad's house.
I appreciate all of opinions and do agree the way they have split their house is fair. I just wish I hadn't been lied to and made to feel like a spare part to the family dynamic. I find it very rejecting and feel like I have issues around feeling rejected from other situations that have happened throughout my life with regards to my Dad and step Mum.

Personally, I’ve heard of too many scenarios where this has happened so DH and I have left our share of our home to our children, not each other. Currently, they are primary aged! All other assets, life insurance, pension etc goes to DH/me.

It's my Dad's money.

They're married, it's their money.

I understand you feeling upset about being lied to.

Ultimately, one is likely to predecease the other and update the will, so I would prepare yourself for that possibility.

So if he does die first and she changes the will to go between her children and leave me out would I be able to contest or not given I am not actually her child?

This. You need to tell him how you feel. And ensure he has something in place which leaves you money, his wife could change it all otherwise if he dies first.l and leave you nothing.

I'm not a lawyer, but no you wouldn't be able to challenge it. Anyone can disinherit their children, never mind their step children. It's a very common scenario.

Your dad would need to leave your share to you on his death.

Leaving my money directly to my kids to avoid any potential of a new partner of DP being able to cut them out after other family experiencing similar issue. Inheritance could be decades in the future for you (I am nearly 50 and don't expect to inherit anytime soon) so is it coming up for you with being a parent yourself and feeling sad about the other issues in your relationship with your dad? Even if you see the will he could change it again.