Inheritance

[nameshame24]

Another inheritance post but I’m just looking for some outsiders opinions and advice.

Background, my Mum and Dad split when I was 18 months old. When I was 3 my Dad remarried my now step Mum and had 2 more children my brother is 3 years younger than me and sister is 4 years younger than me.
My Dad had a very successful business which was originally his parents and they passed it down to him and my aunt was a silent partner.
My step mum worked part-time in a school and earned minimum wage her salary was her ‘allowance’ to spend whatever she wanted. My Dad paid the bills and mortgage etc.
My step Mum’s Mum died and left her money, with that money she renovated the house.
When my Grandma died (Dad’s Mum) which as a side note I was very close to growing up as she looked after me a lot. He used the money she left him to buy a house and rent it out, the money from the rent goes straight to my Step Mum and now that is her ‘allowance’ and she retired early.
Growing up my Dad has always been very open with me and said that when he dies the money will go to Step Mum (if she is still alive) and then when she dies it will be cut evenly 3 ways.
I have found out recently from my aunt that this is actually not the case. I will be getting 1/5 of their house and my siblings 2/5s. My Aunty has expressed that she has been told by my Step Mum that their rental home is soley in my step mums name. And therefore could be going 2 ways between my brother and sister. Or if not could be getting split the same way their permanent home is.
I spoke to my Dad briefly about it yday to ask exactly what will happen as I have been told one thing but actually another thing is happening and therefore I’ve been lied to, I’d like to know 100% now what is happening so that I don’t have to find out when he’s dead and things haven’t been explained. He said to me yday that the way it is now isn’t fair (on me) but not to worry because she will die first and then he will change the will!!!!! I told him it was ridiculous and then I ask him to be honest with me about it all then he said he wasn’t 100% sure himself how things will be split. I asked him who the executors of his will are and he said it was both my brother and sister. This has hurt me weirdly more than being lied to.
It might not sound like it but it’s not actually about the money for me, it’s about not being treated fairly and I never have been by that side of my family. There is a lot of history and a lot of times I have been treated very unfairly. But I would happily give all of my share to charity as long as I know I have been treated fairly by him I feel I can get on happily with my life. But right now I feel like I’ve been yet again kept in the dark and am being treated differently. I’m in my early 30s now.
I would like to ask to see the will so that I can know exactly how it’s been divide now so that if I need to I can ask my Dad questions about it and get answers. Would I be unreasonable to do this?
Would I also be unreasonable to suggest I am also made an executor? I have looked into it and you can have up to 4 executors. I really hope I’m not coming across as some sort of gold digger here. Genuinely I would give my share to charity I just want things to be fair.

Hahahahhahahahah wow, you’re really het up about this aren’t you?! I really think, if you post here, you’re going to need a better explanation as to why you’re so bothered about money that you haven’t earned and about controlling who gets what? Inheritance is a privilege and not a right and if I was your family and you were making this fuss then I probably wouldn’t give you anything! You’re invading everyone’s privacy and being a spoilt princess and you want to tell me to piss off for calling it out 🤣 amazing.

I don't think it's unfair. Sounds logical. You have another parent from whom you could inherit.

A scenario occurred with a friend of mine - let's call him Ed - where his father remarried and left the house in his will to the new wife - Gloria - whilst she lived and then after she died to his children. This was also in accordance with my friends mothers will - she left her portion of the house to her husband with the express wish it be passed onto her children after his death.

However the second wife Gloria re-wrote her will after his death to leave the house to her children. They had got together in their 70s so her children had no close parenting relationship with Ed's dad.

Ed and his sister challenged Gloria on her will which she had told them about and wrote a legal letter with reminders of their mother and father's will. Gloria changed hers back and apologised saying she misunderstood legal advice. Ed was careful to stay on good terms with her to ensure no further 'misunderstandings' occurred.

He was advised they could have challenged her will after her death as it's contravened earlier wills. I'm not sure how easy that would have been in practice but Gloria's children heard about it and reassured Ed and his sister that they fully understood they did not have a claim on the house.

@Youcannotbeseriousreally
Have you read my posts? I haven't made any fuss at all I've come on here and asked opinions and advice. I don't think 'where's your self respect and dignity?' Is either of those. It's nasty and says a lot more about you than it does me.
And to answer your question yes I am het up about being called something I'm not by strangers on the internet. You don't even know half of the things that have happened over the years that make being treated fairly to me very important because I never have been treated fairly by this side of my family. And to add insult to injury I've been lied to.
People like you come onto posts like mine just to be nasty to someone you don't know because you can. It's sad and pathetic and says a lot about you. I'm sure others may have a similar opinion to you about me on here but have chosen to constructively feedback.
For future reference people are more likely to take what you say on board if you don't insult them.

I won't waste my time replying to you anymore or even reading anymore of your posts.

🤣

That's very interesting and lucky Gloria changed her mind. Thanks for sharing.

The main bit that is unfair is her paternal gf money went to buy a second home. The income and the home is going to the sm.

For me it does sound fair, assuming step mum is choosing to give just her two bio kids half each. Which is of course her right. Would you expect your mum to share her money equally between you and her partners kids? (if she had one with kids obviously). Your dad is splitting his share 3 ways. So the only issue really is your expectation of inheritance from step mum.
Presuming your mum will leave you something when she passes as well?
Honestly I'd think hard before going in on trying to change it. You can explain your feelings to your dad of course, and ask to be an executor. But that's just an admin role so not going to change how much you get.

Answering this honestly, if my Mum had a partner who had another child from a another marriage (which she doesn't so this is hypothetical) and she had been in that child's life since the child was 3 and then went on to have me and my sister then yes I would expect her to share it equally.
Maybe I feel that way because of my situation but hand on heart that's what I would expect her to do.
However I think it would be a lot different if she got another partner after myself and my sister were born and the child was older and she hadn't been around them growing up. Then I wouldn't expect her to share it.
It's very tricky, I don't think there's a definite right or wrong and it is ultimately their choice which this thread has made me see. I think my emotions of how I've felt in the past massively made me look at this whole situation extremely negatively and I do respect the majority of these responses for giving me more of a level head looking at it when taking that emotion out of the picture.

Hi OP, I am in a remarkably similar situation to you, except that my Dad has now died and I have no idea how inheritance will work out. I was told by him that if he died first, everything would go to my stepmother, then to the children (inc two half siblings). My stepmother has been trying to erase me for the last 40 odd years seemingly out of strange jealousy, so I don't believe this will come to pass.

Things are good financially for me. The money doesn't matter, it all just reaffirms a deep sense of rejection that I have always felt by my father, who failed to welcome me into his new family. So I get it.

Aww I'm so sorry, this has brought a tear to my eye. I 100% know how you feel and that's exactly how I feel. I'm sorry for your loss and I do hope you find peace one day really soon and are able to overcome that feeling of rejection. It actually hurts me physically sometimes. I find it hard to know how to deal with.

The OP's grandmother left her estate to her son (OP's father). He used the money to buy a property with his wife.

If the grandmother wanted the OP to have a portion of the estate she could have left it to her outright. She chose not to do that.

I don't see it as unfair.

Hi OP

I just wanted to say that I know how you feel.

My parents nearly twenty years ago called a family meeting about their wills and told us that the wills were set up to leave half to me and half to my brother. They had already sorted the assets so that half was in each (individual) name.

we said, great, fine, thanks for letting us know.

Then my dad got cancer and my mum got worried about having enough money.

So she hassled dad and they both changed their wills to leave their assets to each other (mirror will).

I wouldn't have cared except that they'd gone to the trouble of telling us and I'd had plans to pass it down to my kids as house deposit.

So when my dad died my mum got it all. She doesn't even spend her income but is terribly anxious about not ever having enough money. She has in mostly cash assets a substantial fraction of a million pounds.

So my kids didn't get their house deposit.

And my mum still moans to me about being poor.

I give her short shrift to be honest.

@nameshame24 Thank you. I can see a lot of the emotional side is what's driving it, and I certainly understand. But yes, taking a step back for now and thinking about what is most important. Trying to rebuild trust with your dad, and get certain things off your chest? Definitely do it.
But I hope none of your parents or step mum is unwell enough for now to worry too much about inheritance. Focus on improving and nurturing your relationships in the present with your dad.

This makes me so sad for your mum. Sounds like your parents did exactly the right thing to protect her financially rather than prioritise the grandkids having house deposits. Who knows how much money she could still need to burn through in care fees, medical expenses etc? Being old and alone isn't fun and she's doing it while knowing that her children resent her keeping the money she and her husband built up together over their lifetime.

So are you saying I am lying about him telling me on several occasions that he and my step mum have made a will and everything is split 3 ways?
Split three ways is not the same as split equally three ways.

Then my dad got cancer and my mum got worried about having enough money

This is a very valid concern. Your mother may very well need care as she ages and the cost is astronomical. Surely you can see this from her point of view?

Your mother's needs as she ages take priority over your children's house deposit. After all the money belongs to her and to your late father; it was never yours.

Without splitting hairs I was told it was equal otherwise I wouldn't have been lied to if it was just 'it will be split 3 ways'.

Either way I'm grateful for this thread and reading opinions and others experiences and ready to try and move forward positively without expecting anything from my Dad or to be treated as equally as my siblings. I have to let go of what is out of my control because it's only me who's getting hurt.

My friends dad died first. He had no will and the stepmum got everything. When she died left everything to her bio kids. My friend and the other siblings got left out of the will. She asked for a deed of variation. It took 4 years for an agreement to be made. She now has no relationship with her siblings. They knew their mum cut her out. They knew it wasn't fair but greed was more important.

Where does your father reside? In Scotland, his children would automatically get a third of the moveable estate split among them. (They could only get more, if more was stipulated in the will.)

This is interesting! So is it impossible for a parent to disinherit his child in Scotland? Does 1/3 of the estate always go to the children?

(Just curiosity on my part; I don't live in Scotland)

I think my husband's kids imagine that I 'stole' from them. The kids got a third of the moveable estate split between them. DH asked me to give an amount to the grandchild'. I actually gave her more. I also gave them all personal effects worth a thousand each, a monetary present to the adult child who married after my husband's death and money as a graduation present to the grandchild.

I was my husband's carer for nearly twenty years. The kids made it clear that they wouldn't help care for him. In the end, I had to quit work early, thus affecting my pension. His will reflected the fact that I'll have to pay for my own care. He didn't leave a huge amount - I was the major breadwinner for most of our marriage - and there was no question of an inheritance tax liability.

Not of you are in England as you are not being maintained by her (and neither is your dad).

Yes, that is correct - but only the moveable estate: money, jewellery, cars, etc. That's been the law since the 1960s. Whether the children are 'natural', adopted or 'illegitimate' makes no difference.

If a child has died, then their heirs can claim. Moreover, they have twenty years in which to make the claim.

When my husband died, his children and grandchild actually got over half of the moveable estate. I was executor and the main beneficiary. The solicitor kept emphasising that I was giving them more than I had to. (The will was written before the grandchild was born, but DH told me what he'd like me to give her. I gave her extra.)

If the children have been left something in the will, they can choose whether to take that or their 'legal rights' - usually, whichever is the more.

Often, children decline their 'legal rights' in favour of their mother.

When my husband died, the solicitor wanted to send a form letter asking whether they wanted to claim their legal rights.

I told him no - he was to write and tell them that the cheques enclosed (and the jewellery, etc) were their legal rights. I also asked him to write to the grandchild, telling her that she was being sent a cheque as per her grandfather's verbal instruction. (I actually gave her more, but she doesn't know that.)

@WearyAuldWumman Thank you for taking the time to explain that.

I'm in the US and although inheritance laws vary slightly from state to state, you can disinherit your child/children (except under very rare circumstances). You must have a legal will and you must actually spell this out - "To my son, John Doe, I leave the sum of 0 dollars" etc.

I believe that you can do that in England.

In Scotland, it is possible to challenge a will, in order to ask for more, but you'd have to prove that the deceased wrote his will either under duress or while he was of unsound mind.